[clay88]

My name is Clay and I am 19 I've never been on a relationship with anyone. I don't know if most of the women read that about guys, but they always take advantage of me on certain things. There was a girl I really liked and she needed help in one of her classes and I am a real busy person I don't have time to do almost anything. What I really did is help her, so that she does not fail that class from all the time she was cutting that class. After getting her to have a n -A in her class grade as finals I asked her out but she really turned me down after that she did not want to talk to me. There was another girl I just met and the first day I met her she asked me if I can lend her 5 dollars, and she kept insisting. That kind of girl looks like an easy type and very open and talkative that in the first night we met at school we were in the subway she said she was tired and laid her head down between my two laps. (JUST SO THAT IT DOESN'T SOUND OFFENSIVE) and I was like you got to be f***ing kidding me. Since she kept insisting for the money which she was rubbing up on me in a sexual way I did not want to sound like a jerk but since she was seducing me all of the time I asked her what would you do to me if I give you the 5 dollars, she then paused and was very arrogant with me and said that she is not having sex. I gave her the 5 dollars cause I did not know what to do and I was afraid of saying no. I want to take a stand for myself and stop being that sucker guy that I've always been.

[plonak]

You answered your own question hon.. why do women take advantage of you? Because you allow them to, and you don't stand up for yourself..

If you don't love yourself or respect yourself than the wrong people will pick up on it and take advantage of you.. because really, if you had respect for yourself, you never would have given her the five dollars..

I suggest you learn a new hobby, hang out with friends and forget about girls for now.. work on yourself esteem and maybe talk to a counselor.. and when some chick comes up to you asking for help and you think she's using you, work on saying no. and not giving any explanation..

[La Siesta Encantada]

First of all you should start by not letting the girls get to the point where the think they can boss you around. If you start talking to a girl and she seems to be heading in that direction with the freindship or relationship walk away. In time you will find a girl who truly likes you for who you are. Trust me just walk away from the ones bossing you around.;)

[jrebel7]

People who have a kind and giving nature many times are taken advantage of and one reason being is that because of their very nature, they do not set boundaries for themselves but go far beyond to help others then find themselves either too spent for their own projects or, as you say, feel "taken advantage of".

Just from reading your posts and not having a lot of detail, I pick up on perhaps you are confusing helping people in need with personal relationships or sexual playfulness. When a person asks for your help, decide if you have the time. Set boundaries in your own mind. If you have an interest in the girl, express it early enough by asking her out or just asking if she is dating anyone and seeing if she is emotionally available, that way, you won't have expectations that when not met, feel you have been wronged.

Taking advantage of someone is not really a gender issue. Guys take advantage the same as girls take advantage, just in different ways.

Learn to say NO! When I say that, I don't mean yell it at them but you could have diffused the situation with the girl asking for money by just saying, "not today" and ending that. She was flirty, you enjoyed it, it didn't go the way you thought it might but by giving the money anyway, you again feel "taken advantage of". Please don't misunderstand. I am not saying either girl behaved properly or did not take advantage of you.

Just realize your nature is to help, let that be your priority, to help if your time and energy will allow. Pursue relationships outside that realm. Keep the helping others just that.

I think you will feel better about yourself and about others. NEVER be afraid to say no.

I admire you for wanting to help people. The world would be a better place if more people were willing to help. I think you just need to think this through as to why you are helping certain people. If the intent is to help someone in need, that is great, if it is hoping to get a date or more than that, back away and move on. That, I believe, is a good way for now for you to keep from feeling taken advantage of then feeling hurt.

[idunnodude101]

I recommend this book. I was kind of like you for the most part. Long story short I was going through a lot of trouble in my past relationships. And everyone said the same thing to me. I'm too nice.

So I searched around online read this blog about this kid with the same problem, he recommended this book:

Barnes & Noble.com - Books: No More Mr. Nice Guy, by Robert A. Glover, Hardcover

Had a lot of good reviews in it too. I went to a couple sites like on Amazon etc, all gave it good reviews. I'm still reading it, but from what I read so far id really recommend it... gluckk