[henoch]

Hi,

Before I get to my question I'll try to give you all the details I can.
I've known my best friend for 4 years. We get along very well and we can tell each other anything. Three years ago I had 3 psychotic episodes and have been taking meds since. My best friend knows that. A year ago, I was diagnosed with Major Depression and also taking meds for it. Recently, I was diagnosed with ADD and Asperger's and also taking meds for ADD. Although my friend understands these things I hope, I noticed that we have trouble understanding one another. I'm never sure whether he cares for me or not but he has always come through for me. I've lost nearly all my friends because of my psychotic episodes except for a group of friends that stood by me. I am a 17 year old male and my friend is the same age and same sex as me.
Note: My parents are hard-core conservative Christians and his parents are liberal Christians. I consider myself to be asexual and heterosexual (a mix if you must).

I guess here are the recent details:
Recently, I've noticed that I might want to have a relationship with him. I guess I have to be more specific. I don't have any sexual feelings for him, they're all platonic I suppose but I guess I'm noticing that I want to be with him more (physically and emotionally) I am sure that I do not want to have sex or any sexual contact with him. I notice that I think about him a lot.

I'm not sure what to tell him of this because I could always tell him anything.
I don't want to lose this friendship at all because it is so special to me. We have such a deep bond with one another. I love him a lot and I want to keep this friendship but at the same time, I'm coming to accept that maybe I am in love with him. I feel apprehensive and scared because of the homosexual stigma imposed by asking him and such. I understand that if I take this risk I could lose this friendship or at most I could lose a friend who cares for me so much. I don't want my friendship to be any worse but I want it to be the best it can be. Sometimes I'm convinced that we should be together but I'm not sure if it is right to even tell him.

Please help me as I am very confused and I'm hoping I can figure out what he means to me and what I mean to him.

[N0help4u]

Sounds like since he is your best friend and basically the only one you feel you can confide in and trust you have become co-dependent on him and confusing it for love.

If you tell him or act on these feelings you very well could end up losing him all together.
Read up on co-dependency and how to deal with it then see where your feelings stand.

CODEPENDENCY

Codependency

What is Codependency?

Psych Central - Co-dependent Relationships

[Lo02]

When you know someone for so long and they know you maybe even more than you know yourself you can become extremely attatched to them which is not wrong in the slightest and when you begin to realize that love comes in the bond can become stronger.

Have you ever considered maybe its like a strong brotherly connection as if you would do anything for this person because you feel they are what makes it worth the while.

Just make sure what you feel is real because something may seem right in your head but feels completely opposite when its spoken