[chai714]

Hi All,
First of all, I want to thank you for taking the time to read this. Ok, here's the drama:
We're both living in California, I'm 25, she's 23 and we've been together for the past 5 years. The relationship had been very good as far as I can judge (I was previously in a 2 year relationship, while her longest was 8 months). Anyhow, she took a 7 day trip to Hawaii last week. When she returned, I saw a change in body language and general feelings. 2 days later, she broke up with me on grounds that she wasn't "in love" with me but she still "loved me." She also informed me that she had met someone in Hawaii (he lives there) that she has chemistry with. She denied cheating on me, but she did express she has feelings for him. She said that she lacked passion for me, and I was devastated for the next couple of days. Shortly after the breakup, I received the following email: START OF EMAIL
"I don't know if I'm making the right decision, but I know I'm telling you how I feel for the right reasons. You deserve to have someone that is madly in love with you. I love you more than you can imagine and more than I can think about right now. I have spent years of my life devoted to you and I don't regret one minute of our relationship. I will never stop loving you. I am concerned that I'm not "I don't know if I'm making the right decision, but I know I'm telling you how I feel for the right reasons. You deserve to have someone that is madly in love with you. I love you more than you can imagine and more than I can think about right now. I have spent years of my life devoted to you and I don't regret one minute of our relationship. I will never stop loving you. I am concerned that I'm not " with you. Our relationship is lacking passion. Maybe this is only on my part, but I have felt the lack of passion from you as well. I don't feel the chemistry or burning passion for you, that I know I should. If you honestly look in your heart I know that you have known for some time that there is something missing between us. This is the most difficult decision I've ever made, Chai. I am dying inside. I don't know if I can live my life without you... but I have to try. It is not fair to hold on to something that I can feel in my heart is not going to be all it was meant to be. You are the most wonderful person in the whole world and I want you to be happy. I know you are not going to live a happy life with me. I know it. I can't breathe when I think about a life without you. I feel like I'm dead. I know in my heart that I made this decision for the right reason... and that is your happiness." END OF EMAIL 2 days later, she told me that she wanted to reconcile and try to work things out. For me, this was great because my feelings for her have NEVER changed - I was considering proposing to her in the next year. But then after a date with her last night, she informed me that she wasn't " with you. Our relationship is lacking passion. Maybe this is only on my part, but I have felt the lack of passion from you as well. I don't feel the chemistry or burning passion for you, that I know I should. If you honestly look in your heart I know that you have known for some time that there is something missing between us. This is the most difficult decision I've ever made, Chai. I am dying inside. I don't know if I can live my life without you...but I have to try. It is not fair to hold on to something that I can feel in my heart is not going to be all it was meant to be. You are the most wonderful person in the whole world and I want you to be happy. I know you are not going to live a happy life with me. I know it. I can't breathe when I think about a life without you. I feel like I'm dead. I know in my heart that I made this decision for the right reason...and that is your happiness." with me and told me that I'd be better off with someone else. I recently discovered that she began having phone conversations with him (this has been going on since her return just over a week ago). I want her back very bad, but I'm not sure which card to deal next.. . Is she a lost cause, or is there hope?

[chicki]

it seems like your girl is a little confused. Maybe what she's found in the guy from Hawaii is that "passion" that she's looking for... I mean.. five years is a long time! I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years as well.. and it is very hard to keep that "passion" and "excitement" alive... but she obviously cares a lot about you and she respects you enough to tell you the truth... but it seems like she's the one with the problem. I can see why you would want to get back with her asap because you never stopped loving her... same thing happened to me after me and my boyfriend broke up for a couple of weeks after he decided that he wants to "explore other things".. anyway... all I can really say is that... you should give each other enough space to realize what she really wants. Give her time, to figure out what she wants to do because she can't expect your life to be put on hold while she figures out if she loves you or if she wants to be with the guy from Hawaii. Is she ready to be committed to you (which is what you want right?) and if she is... I'm not asking you to change, but both of you should really work on resparking that "passion" that she claims to be lacking in your relationship.

I know everything is easier said than done.. but just hang in there... it's a little more complicated than she wants you back + you love her = happy ending... just give each other time and space to rethink your relationship and enjoy being by yourself. If at the end, you both realize that you are meant for each other... then go for it. But don't let her just put you on the shelf while she's figuring things out.

I hope I helped. Good luck!