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flower81 · Apr 28, 2006, 12:39 AM

Hi all,

I have been dating my boyfriend for over 5 years now. We are great together.
To give you a brief summary :- he was my first boyfriend, first guy I slept with. He had more experience is the bedroom when we initially started sleeping together. You can say he trained me and I'm comfortable with him.
He sometimes askes me to masterbate in front of him and I just can't get myself to do it, I feel ashamed and embarresed. He doesn't force me, but I know he would like to see me do it, and the other thing is I can't get myself to swallow.
I know a lot of his ex girlfriends have done both the above for him, and I feel like abit of competition. But all his ex's were very easy going girls, if you know what I mean.
We even have a friend (female) who talks about how she masterbates in front of her man when he is not in the mood, and it annoys me, that's she talks like that.
I don't know what to do.
HELP ME Please

JoeCanada76 · Apr 28, 2006, 01:51 AM

First of all Sex is NOT the most important aspect of a relationship or it should not be in my opinion. Each individual is different, each individual has likes and dislikes. You can not get yourself to swallow, well then Don't. Who cares about the ex girlfriends. He is with you now and if you to love each other. Then both of your likes and dislikes should be considered and YOU SHOULD NOT feel obligated to do something you do not feel comfortable doing. As far as your friend who talks about sex all the time or masturbation, ignore her. Who needs to here that. Relationships, sexual relationships between two people in my opinion (Old Fashion) Should be kept between two people. Unless of course you need advice and it is natural to be curious and ask questions.

So relax, do not live in the shadows of previous girlfriends. You are you. Maybe one day you will feel comfortable enough to experiment or whatever but like I said none of this should matter if both of you love each other.

Joe

flower81 · Apr 28, 2006, 02:33 AM

I know that sex in not the most imp aspect of relationship but I believe it is somewhat imp. A relationship with no good sex life isn't going to work really is it!

But thanks Jesushelper you made a lot of sense.
I don't like my mate taking about masturbation or using her vibrator in front of me and my boyfriend, its rude I think.

Coz even a to use a vibrator in front of my boyfriend I can't get myself to do that. Even when he uses it on me I feel stupid :(

I wonder if something is wrong me thou.
As most girls would do the above that I won't.

flower81 · Apr 28, 2006, 02:35 AM

Its just how he says it to me :- oh it would be nice if you swallowed sometimes, or go on play with yourself in front of me.
When I say NO he don't keep going on at me at all but I can see d disappointment in his eyes :(

fredg · Apr 28, 2006, 04:24 AM

Hi, flower,
Sex and sexual thinking is different for some. It's sometimes normal for a man (or a woman) to want to watch another masturbate, or even try new sexual ideas.
The important thing here is for the partners to know what the other likes and dislikes. I've been married now for 29 yrs, and both my wife and I understand what each likes and dislikes; and we follow each's wishes.
More important is that your boyfriend should NOT be bringing this up, after you have expressed your feelings about it. It's his problem now, and he shouldn't keep on suggesting it.
Talk with him again about it, tell him "no", and don't bring it up again.
That's all you can do. If it gets to the point you can't handle it, then maybe it's time to move on.
Sex is important, more so for some than others, and a good sexual relationship will help build the relationship. I do wish you the best, and good luck.

Krs · Apr 28, 2006, 04:41 AM

I think its strange that your mate talks about masturbation and vibrators in front of you guys, does she not have any morals or shame?

flower81 · Apr 28, 2006, 04:49 AM

She is a very out going gal. She doesn't think sometimes before she speaks.

Thanks a lot everybody.
You've helped me through today.

My boyfriend doesn't ask me to do these every time we are inimate but occasionally he does. But as you said Fred ill just say NO, till now I get myself to do those things.
I would even enjoy or even more so be comfortable.

fredg · Apr 28, 2006, 05:14 AM

HI,
You are welcome. Maybe you can come to enjoy some things, maybe not. But, your boyfriend shouldn't be "pressing you" or keep bring it up. He should be leaving it up to you as to what you like and don't like, for the time being anyway.

flower81 · Apr 28, 2006, 06:27 AM

So you don't think I'm like this because he is my first sexual relation? And he had more than me.
That's also scares me, we are so good together.
I forgot to mention we are getting married next year, that thought scares me - I have only slept wi 1 person and that's my boyfriend!!

fredg · Apr 28, 2006, 06:32 AM

Hi, flower,
Not sleeping with anyone else is no reason to be concerned about getting married.
But, if you have doubts about getting married next year, then hold off. Getting married is a LOT easier than getting Divorced!. been there, done that.
A lot can happen before next year, and please don't worry about making any kind of commitment now. Marriage that is based on trust, love, compromise, caring, and wanting to be with the other person, is what's needed. If you don't have all these things, and more, then wait awhile.

flower81 · Apr 28, 2006, 06:58 AM

All my mates have had like 5 or 6 or more sexual relations, and I've been wi my boyfriend for 5 yrs first man I slept with I'm totally in love but the thought of me never experiencing sex with another is abit scary, but I don't see myself wi anyone else bar my boyfriend.
Even people tell me are not scared, you have only experienced sex with 1 man??
I love him so much, but that thought bothers me...

Wildcat21 · Apr 28, 2006, 08:52 AM

Obviously this guy DOESN'T respect you. You should NEVER feel uncomfortable in the bed. He's a jerk for insisting on things you're not ready for. I think it's a big red flag.

flower81 · Apr 28, 2006, 09:25 AM

NO he doesn't insist I do those things. Occasionally he asks, and when I say NO he doesn't sulk or anything, he just accepts it.
He does respect me and love me.
And I don't feel uncomfortable in bed, we have great sex.

Wildcat21 · Apr 28, 2006, 12:12 PM

Then what's the problem? Sounds like everything is OK.

aqua@home · Apr 28, 2006, 03:16 PM

Hi flower 81,
I think that when you are comfortable experimenting, you will. I know it can be a little scarey and all sorts of things go through your head, but you will when YOU are ready. I can tell you that if you two continue to talk about sex and other intimate matters you will grow closer. The more you talk, the more you share, etc. the closer you will become. Take care and good luck.:)

Jayjay027 · Apr 28, 2006, 08:50 PM

It doesn't sound like you want to get married... I've only slept with 1 person too, and Im still in love with him, if I only slept with him for the rest of my life I'd be a happy girl.

It sounds to me like you want to enjoy being single for a while... your friends having that many sexual partners doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You have been in one relationship, and its lasted for over 5 years.
You should be proud of the fact that you have only given your body to the man you love.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 28, 2006, 11:20 PM

Flower,

There is nothing wrong with you at all. Honestly I believe my wife is exactly the same way as you. It is just fine with me. Natural, and experiancing life together. There is not need for vibraters and other stuff. Although I do know that there are many man that enjoy watching a girl masterbate that is up to the girl if she feels comfortable enough to do it or not. I have only been with one girl and the girl I am with has only been with me. We are married together. So we both experienced new things together. I personally think it is better that way.

Joe

milliec · Apr 29, 2006, 04:23 AM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

First of all Sex is NOT the most important aspect of a relationship or it should not be in my opinion. Each individual is different, each individual has likes and dislikes. You can not get yourself to swallow, well then DONT. Who cares about the ex girlfriends. He is with you now and if you to love each other. Then both of your likes and dislikes should be considered and YOU SHOULD NOT feel obligated to do something you do not feel comfortable doing. As far as your friend who talks about sex all the time or masterbation, ignore her. Who needs to here that. Relationships, sexual relationships between two people in my opinion (Old Fashion) Should be kept between two people. Unless of course you need advice and it is natural to be curious and ask questions.

So relax, do not live in the shadows of previous girlfriends. You are you. Maybe one day you will feel comfortable enough to experiment or whatever but like I said none of this should matter if both of you love each other.

Joe

Dear Flower,
I think Joe put it beautifully, I'd like to stress the point which I found most important in his post: he's with you, has been for 5 years, he's not with the other girlfriends who did what you feel can't, at least not now. So, there are other things in his relationship with you, and about yourself that are more important to him.
Am I right?
As you say, he respects you, your feelings, and doesn't complain.
I wish you both the best of luck,
Millie
:)

flower81 · May 3, 2006, 12:43 AM

Originally Posted by Jayjay027

It doesnt sound like u wana get married....I've only slept with 1 person too, and Im still in love with him, if I only slept with him for the rest of my life I'd be a happy girl.

It sounds to me like you wanna enjoy bein single for a while....your friends having that many sexual partners doesnt mean theres anything wrong with you. You have been in one relationship, and its lasted for over 5 years.
You should be proud of the fact that you have only given your body to the man you love.

I do want to marry him, I do really love him.
It just scares me that thought - that in my life I only experienced sex with one man, so is that a good enough reason to hold off the marriage, because I don't really think so!

flower81 · May 3, 2006, 02:09 AM

Originally Posted by aqua@home

Hi flower 81,
I think that when you are comfortable experimenting, you will. I know it can be a little scarey and all sorts of things go through your head, but you will when YOU are ready. I can tell you that if you two continue to talk about sex and other intimate matters you will grow closer. The more you talk, the more you share, etc. the closer you will become. Take care and good luck.:)

Do u really think I will ever be ready to experiment?
I do doubt it, as I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years which is a lot. I think in 5 years I would have been to experiment, don't u?