[malice92]

Is love enough? Dated this girl, lived with her for 4 months, until she couldn't find a job here. So she moved back home for a job.

I have kids so I can't go with her otherwise I would have. Did the long distance thing a while broke up last Jan.

Seemed like we were sort of moving on. Then out of the blue she calls and wants to get together again rather spontaneous over the 4th and now I'm totally in love again, can't shake her. I know she feels the same way but doesn't want a relationship, mostly because the long distance relationship, we had taxed our friendship a LOT so I think she's afraid of that actually.. I don't know.

She is actively dating nothing more than a first date it seems. I was until I saw her again, broke off all of that.

Do I:

Just try to move on

Be happy being her friend we are (best friends) until something more can happen (maybe); If she starts seeing someone I know I'll be crushed and be forced to move on.

Wait it out a bit and see if her mind changes?

I've expressed how I feel, told her that I don't mind a long distance relationship that we can make it work etc.

Thanks,

-G (I'm 33, she's 26)

[talaniman]

Take it for what it is, a date, and just enjoy it, and don't expect more than she is willing to give.

[Fr_Chuck]

First no there is no love, at least on her part, if there was she would have stayed, there are all sorts of jobs, and if she loved you really she would be working at walmart if that is what it took to stay where you are.

[malice92]

So your saying be happy with what we have, until one of us moves on?

[malice92]

Chuck, that's true to extend we all love ourselves more at certain times in our lives. She just graduated from college, got her degree and the first job she could get in her field put her back at home with Mom and Dad.

I pushed her to go, to take the job she needed that kickstart and if it ended there well I would have been hurt but moved on quickly. Its just her coming back up and everything happening all over again tells me that something is there or she wouldn't have come up to begin with right? After going on countless dates with women who just can't compare.

I should also add.. That she did move up here to be with me, to look for jobs. Chuck made me realize I didn't add that part in.

[talaniman]

So your saying be happy with what we have, until one of us moves on?

That's the way of all relationships, even older ones like mine of more than 30 years. When one of us is wanting out, what the partner to do, chain them to the bed?

My point go with the flow, and see how it works, if neither of you sees a future, then you can only move on, through hurt, pain, guilt, or shame. Its you that have to make up your mind to take the risks, and do the work.

[hjpan]

I sense nonsense.

If she can't get a job around your place, why did she move back to her state & get a job there?

Why can't she just work in another city and commute back & forth?

Also, 4 months is not that long.. let her go =/

[malice92]

Thanks hjpan. She's an electrical engineer by schooling, wanted to work in her field, pay her student loans that were due etc. We exausted all avenues for work here before going back home really became an option. Was not going to ask her to take BS job to be with me, especially when she had the one in FL waiting on her.

She was out of money and had a 60k/yr job waiting for her at home so she could begin paying her loans not idea.. not everyone choses love.

[J_9]

Psychologically speaking, sorry, but my my psychiatric nursing comes out naturally, the two of you are in different stages of life. You are 33 with a family, she is 26 and just out of college. Most likely she is not looking for a "ready made" family. Chances are that she wants the freedom of being a college graduate, no studies, etc.

You dated/lived with her for 4 months, in all actuality 4 months is not long enough to develop love yet. 4 Months is still the "honeymoon" stage of a relationship.

It's time for you to move on and let her move on as well.

[talaniman]

Having a great time with a friend is okay, but reality is she is not a long term thing, so if you can't enjoy her company when she is around, then leave her alone. That's the problem, is that your more emotionally invested than she is.

You want more, and she is to busy for that, so I would back away and let her do what she wants, and you do the same.

[JBeaucaire]

Whether it's "love' or not isn't relevant. It takes a lot of things OTHER than love feelings and I see you already know that.

Tal is right, enjoy your friendship. Don't stress over it.