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Awww gosh Starby, sorry he is such an A-HOLE! Hugs and love... AND Good morning:)
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Hi Alty,Starby,Start,HC,Stringer,Joe,Sneezy,Frien,big B,Chery... Not sure if Rae,Albear and Kae are here,but hi anyway.
Thanks for the invite Alty Am I at the right place?:D Oh no this isn't the castle,is this the zoo? |
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Hi Firmy,
Welcome to the bunny binky room. This is where we kick up our heels and dance around. :) The castle is fun too, but much darker and mysterious than this place. It's confusing to have two discussion threads going on at the same time. I'm tired. :) |
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Hey there Starby! Goodness, this touched a chord with me. First suggestion is get a new "unlisted" number. Be very careful as to who you give it to. I know it sounds elementary. When we went through some bad stuff, it was suggested to me and I didn't do it because I was concerned it would escalate things if he could not make the calls. We had our house set on fire, our daughter's car blown up in our drive way, red paint poured on our white car, lots of death threat phone calls and paper left on our porch with threats in code. Sounds like something out of a book I know but until you live something like you are living through, no one can identify. I had people ask me, "What did you do to him to make him so angry?" I would rely with disgust in my voice, "Breathe??????" We had no idea until years later when members of his family called and requested permission to visit with me. They said they had no idea what he was doing until he started doing it to them. They also told me that he was jealous of our family. I can't wrap my mind around that kind of jealousy but it exists. Most people look at things like we do, 'there has to be a reason' but that is not the case with some people who are not quite balanced in their thinking.
The fear factor is what the caller is wanting and calling to do to you. That is not to say, not to worry BUT do take precautions and DO take this serious. However, when he calls best thing is not to respond, just hang up. Most callers are wanting to instill fear. The person who said, "There is nothing to fear but fear itself" was not quite accurate. There is a lot to fear in this world. Bottom line Starby, take care of you!! When we called in the police when we received the written death threat, we did not know we could get a copy of the report. It was not until a year later and when we read it, there were 12 things that were wrong. Some examples were: Their white Chevelle burned!! We have never owned a white Chevelle and it was our daughter's red Turbo Sprint that was blown up, no mention of that. It stated my husbands position at work inaccurately and many other facts were totally wrong, so do get a copy of all reports you make and if they are not accurate, demand they fix it. I said, "No wonder the detectives didn't take us seriously after reading this......it is all wrong." Then when we asked to see the death threat note, found out it was missing from the evidence room. When we addressed this with the Chief of Police, he said, "We lost your evidence, so sue us." The guy doing this stalked my daughter and myself for two years. His brother was in politics. His brother-in-law was on the police force. Go figure. We tried to obey the laws of the land, so to speak. The DA told us, there was no match up on voice print or fingerprints. However, another employee in that office got us off to the side and said it was a definite match to the suspect. All my energy for two years went into keeping my kids alive, going out each morning, making the kids stay in the house and checking for bombs or any kind of explosives under the car, under the hood, then would start the engine and let it run, before allowing them out of the house. Result... the police made a deal for the guy to help get evidence against his brother-in-law on the force and we were told, "The B_______ family has our guarantee they will never again be touched by this man." He never paid in anyway. He is still in our town but we have not been bothered again by him. Best result, my children are now grown with families of their own in our states and other towns so I feel some better. The man had an incestuous relationship with his daughter. There were reports made by others of things he did but still... he was not arrested nor did he lose his job. Nothing. I have seven journals I wrote during that time but cannot even look in them. I know your fear. You don't know who for sure nor do you know for sure they will not do something. I pray for your safety. Chances are they are getting off just knowing they are terrorizing you but let me tell you, some people would say to us, "Oh, I don't think he would really do anything, do you?" AAAAAAAAAAAAaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh shucks no... he just burned our house, blew up our daughter's car, threatened to blow her head off phone call after phone call but I am sure he would never REALLY hurt us!" That is CRAZY. But let me say this, unless a person lives this kind of terror, they cannot fully understand. I DO! I felt it was up to me to protect them although at one time, there was a Federal agent who had 25 plain clothes policeman at a function where my daughter was being honored. That did help. The man was there and walked right up in the face of the agent and the officer, assigned to stay with me and just stopped, my daughter close by, and smiled and walked away. Hand on guns, they could do nothing. Hang in there. Nothing lasts forever. Starby, I know you have a lot of friends here who have offered support..........I do the same. PM me or whatever you need to do to deal with this, venting, crying, screaming. When this first began, I thought all were asleep in my home. I was in the bathroom just crying so hard, so scared for me kids. My daughter came quietly in, opened the door, hugged me and I said, "C_______, I know this goes against everything I have ever taught you but if he touches you, I will kill him with my bare hands." She said, "Mama, there is nothing he can do to me that will be near as bad as what God will do to him." Goodness. Out of the mouthes of babes! I felt ashamed but it was a tough deal to go through. Out of this though, my chidlren learned that you can question any one in any position of authority, they have the right. They are to do it with respect but they can stand before anyone, adult or whatever and stand firm. That has helped them in their lives, I firmly believe. I have one more thing to share but will do so on next note... this one might be too long. |
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 Originally Posted by firmbeliever
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Originally Posted by firmbeliever
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Thought this might help you understand that I do understand your frustration. I was told when I get a call to dial a certain number and the call would be automatically traced. Ok... we did this many times. They were always, of course, pay phones but one time, I got a call on Monday, called the detective. He said, no, that trace had not come in yet. I called the phone company. They said, "Oh yes, it is in. We get them within minutes but I can't give you the results have to give to the detective." I told her I understood and thanked her. I called the next day and the next day... "No Jan, that trace still isn't in but I will keep checking..............called again and again. Finally, on Friday, the GREAT DETECTIVE calls and says, "Jan, well, we finally got that trace in. It was made from a pay phone on the outside of the Country Club Apts. Now, he either lives there or is going there to make the calls." Well Starby, you could have floored me. What great detective work. I wonder where he went to class to figure that one out.
They couldn't of course arrest the guy unless they caught him doing something. We were told to get his trash (to get some finger prints to compare to the ones on the death threat note that they did lose), when they put it out for pick up as it is then not private property to them. One of our friends walked point in Nam and he said he could do it and they would never know it. He was there before daylight. The trash was out by the street for pick up. All that was in the can was a dirty personal item and a doctor appt. card. That was it. I wonder who tipped the guy off?????? Well, I will apologize for taking up so much time on the thread to vent our situation but I am hoping, although it doesn't stop your situation, perhaps it might help, knowing others do know what you are going through and feel it along with you. Little consolation. But anyway Starby, the frustrations of getting anything done is astronomical and some times, it is just the way the law is written that ties the cops hands yet then there are those detectives like this guy who makes such statements, you wonder how in the world..........yes, I did tell him I knew the trace had been in since Monday. He ended up being forced to resign.....not because of mishandling our case but for using office phone for personal business. At least he is out of there! Best to you. Sorry I have rambled so..............Love and Hugs and tons of prayers for protection over you and your property and peace in your heart! LOVE! One more suggestion, when possible, have a witness to all conversations you have with authorities. Record the guys voice if possible for voice print. When I asked for a restraining order, the detective said, "Oh, let's wait on that for awhile." At that time, I didn't realize I could insist and should have." |
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Originally Posted by firmbeliever
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Starby..
When I was going through something similar, I got a mobile phone and only gave the number to those who needed to contact me. Also, every time I leave the house, even today, I hold my keys in my hand (a key between each of my fingers close to my knuckles,pointing outward) to poke at anyone's face if I feel threatened. Good thing you have your doggy to give you warnings. If you have friends or neighbors that might have extra safety locks somewhere, ask if you can use them for a while. I would also ask them if they see anything suspicious - the more people involved to watch - the safe you might be. There is no shame in asking for help and it might surprise you how many people are willing to support you in this. As for calling the police, this might sound funny, but I would tell them that I just hit someone with my baseball bat (which I kept near my bed at night and near the door during the day) and that they should come and collect the injured person that invaded your privacy - that might make them come by quicker. I don't know the laws in Canada or if there are Safe Houses and Support Groups for this, but if there are, register with them and get yourself a sponsor that you can contact when you feel threatened. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, it's stressful and un-called for. IMO whoever is doing this honestly needs to be bashed with a baseball bat - so get one.. Wishing I were there to help and comfort you dear, 
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Rebbie, wow, wow, that's all I can say. I've been stalked before, by an ex, but never to that degree. He just sent things to my house all the time, flowers, cards, gifts, calling non stop, I miss you, I need you, you're mine. I never had to call the police, I just arranged to meet with him and told him point blank that it was over. It worked for a while, years actually, but then, the day before my wedding, he called (hadn't talked to him in 5 years) and said "When you realize that I'm the only one for you, call me, I'll be waiting". That was 13 years ago, and I haven't heard from him since. Whew!
Starby, keep doing what you're doing, call the police even though they don't seem to be doing anything, write a journal, do what Rebbie said, she's been there, she knows more than any of us. Stay safe Starby, and I'm here, anytime, I'm glad you listened and called me, it's never to late or too early, when you need me I'm here, day or night, got it? ;) |
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Alty,Chery,HC,
Thank you for the welcome. Jan, That is so scary,I am so glad you and your family are safe from this man.He sounds like a really twisted person. |
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Starby so sorry to hear about all the troubles that you continue to have. Hope everybody here has helped in some way. Hope things get taken care of. So you do not have to worry about anything anymore.
Take care, Joe |
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Hi rebbie, good to see you on here, and ramble on hon, because this is serious stuff and the more information people get, maybe the safer they will think and get a chance to survive longer.
My exhusband used to love to beat me, and after our divorce, I would allow him to pick up our daughter and visit with her when he had the time. Things were fine for a few years that way, until he got reassigned back to the U.S. from his Army unit in Frankfurt, Germany. Exactly one day before his flight left, I was attacked at my front door by two strangers. They beat me, bashed my head against the wall (had 7 skull fractures, maxilla fractures, broken zygomatic arch and internal bleeding). Even though it was payday and I had money in my purse, it was not touched, neither did they attempt to rape me, so after reporting to the police, (they still have not found the perpetrators afer 20 years) I did a little research myself (after surgery and recovery period) and found out that he paid a contract out on me just to beat the heck out of me as a good-bye gift. I have metal loops in my head and you can still see hairline indications of the damage done - not to mention the surgery, pain, and recovery time (both physical and mental) I found this out by going to his old unit (nobody knew me there) and flirted with a few of his buddies at the club. After a few nights of this, one of them told stories of what old Bill dreamed of doing to his ex-wife before he left the country. So, there is great police work done all over the world - that benefits more criminals than victims. Sometimes we just have to take care of a few things ourselves when pushed too far. I could not prove what the young soldier said, and my ex was already back in the U.S. so no charges were brought up there. The germans did promise to 'interrogate' him if he ever came back to Germany - a lot that would have helped. I still have my baseball bat readily available and a knife under my bed, and will worry about the police later if I'm still alive to tell them my side of the story. Some women are not that lucky. So Starby.. the more people that are aware, the safer you'll be and I sincerely hope that you have better times real soon.  Yes, it's still the Bunny Room... and we are all safe and with friends here! |
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Starby,Alty,Chery,Jan...
Stay safe. Maybe have someone's number(anyone who can be with you in a hurry and also help you fight whoever wants to hurt you) on speed dial. Good luck! |
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I was lucky... I only had to go to the cops twice... course, my stalker ex was in the military and when I threatened to go to his superior officer (and thereby effectively ruin his military career), he virtually quit. Starby... you have our support... and we are all here.
Did I ever send my number to you? Can't remember... going to do that right now... just in case. |
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Originally Posted by HistorianChick
We all have our chapters in life - and I am glad that I can share some of the experiences if it helps just one person to be alert and happier in their life. Lots of Hug to you all. 
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Violence touches so many lives, it's truly astonishing to hear of so many people who've been beaten, stalked, harmed because of someone they knew. It's a scary world, one would think that the police (people who are paid to serve and protect) would take these matters more seriously. I was raised to believe that police were good people, and that I could always count on them if I was ever in trouble. I want to believe that the there are good cops out there, ones that won't stop until they find the person responsible for crimes that are committed. Alas, that belief is slowly draining. Maybe there are one or two out there that actually care, but the majority are lazy and won't do anything until someone actually dies, even then they don't do as much as they should.
Starby, stay safe. You have my number, and I'm here for you. Unfortunately you live 5 hours away, and I wouldn't be able to get to you quickly, but, if you ever need me, I'll be there in a flash, I'll do my best to be by your side. Know that, you are a friend, and I'll do my best for you, whatever it is you need, just ask. :) |
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[QUOTE=Chery]Hi rebbie, good to see you on here, and ramble on hon, because this is serious stuff and the more information people get, maybe the safer they will think and get a chance to survive longer.
My exhusband used to love to beat me, and after our divorce, I would allow him to pick up our daughter and visit with her when he had the time. Things were fine for a few years that way, until he got reassigned back to the U.S. from his Army unit in Frankfurt, Germany. Exactly one day before his flight left, I was attacked at my front door by two strangers. They beat me, bashed my head against the wall (had 7 skull fractures, maxilla fractures, broken zygomatic arch and internal bleeding). Even though it was payday and I had money in my purse, it was not touched, neither did they attempt to rape me, so after reporting to the police, (they still have not found the perpetrators afer 20 years) I did a little research myself (after surgery and recovery period) and found out that he paid a contract out on me just to beat the heck out of me as a good-bye gift. I have metal loops in my head and you can still see hairline indications of the damage done - not to mention the surgery, pain, and recovery time (both physical and mental) I found this out by going to his old unit (nobody knew me there) and flirted with a few of his buddies at the club. After a few nights of this, one of them told stories of what old Bill dreamed of doing to his ex-wife before he left the country. So, there is great police work done all over the world - that benefits more criminals than victims. Sometimes we just have to take care of a few things ourselves when pushed too far. I could not prove what the young soldier said, and my ex was already back in the U.S. so no charges were brought up there. The germans did promise to 'interrogate' him if he ever came back to Germany - a lot that would have helped. I still have my baseball bat readily available and a knife under my bed, and will worry about the police later if I'm still alive to tell them my side of the story. Some women are not that lucky. So Starby.. the more people that are aware, the safer you'll be and I sincerely hope that you have better times real soon. Yes, it's still the Bunny Room... and we are all safe and with friends here! Thank you Chery! I was concerned what all I shared might have been a little much for this thread but I think it does help for others to know some of what some go through so others know we do feel compassion in a deeply felt way. One of the most difficult things for me was feeling that I was in this all alone, except for the Lord. It was just He and I, protecting, loving, caring! So many just didn't want to hear, didn't want to help, didn't want to know there are things like this that happen to good people who have not done anything to bring it into play. For them, they needed to know how this can happen if we had not done anything to bring it on. For that, there are no answers I could give them because I did not understand it either. I had one girl sit down beside me at an outdoor function and say, "Jan, I would really love to sit with you but I am afraid of being shot." I just told her I understood. At least she talked to me and acknowledged something was going on and not just ignoring it. I am so sorry you had to go through that horribly frightening experience, plus the physical pain. The body heals but the spirit, not so quickly sometimes. Fear is a horrible thing to live with. I have a favorite scripture that says, "God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." and I use that quite often to realize, there are things I fear but I don't have to allow the fear to take over every facet of my being and at times, during those years, it did. I would get a phone call saying, "I am going to blow your oldest kid's head off s o o n, s o o n, s o o n!" I was busy getting it recorded, traced, then when he hung up, I would just fall to the floor shaking and crying... not if the kids were here because I needed to be strong for them but it was difficult ( I would shake but not be emotional, couldn't make my body not shake). I can't imagine getting beaten by people you didn't know and you were so amazing to find out the way you did, the truth. It is as you say, the officials may never do anything even if he is in Germany but you were pro active in your own behalf. I admire that so much Chery! What a woman you are!! Thank you for sharing and I know Starby and others will appreciate it also. Sort of a kinship and there is strength in numbers... the more people that we realize have traumas, we can be that much more supportive of each other! I think it is also such a testimony to perseverance to know this because we also see the light-hearted people here and knowing what some have gone through or are going through, and yet see they are survivors and strong people, enjoying love, laughter, and friendship!! Reaching out is good! |
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Originally Posted by firmbeliever
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Originally Posted by Altenweg
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