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magrock · Jul 10, 2008, 06:57 AM

yes I must agree... I feel less stressed I don't cry no more... I am overally happy... my relationship got to a 1 point where we fought 2x week... plus my ex drank way too much for me to handle.. the way feeling of calling him & him not picking because he passed out of drinking... don't miss that at all...

bigbird213 · Jul 10, 2008, 07:38 AM

It's a great feeling. Sure, you still miss them, but you can definitely see life without them, and better yet, you can see life without them being better than before. That's the whole idea behind dating. It helps you understand yourself, what you want, and what you don't want.

losingit77 · Jul 10, 2008, 04:49 PM

God, what happened to the NC calendar? It use to be a bunch of us crybabies on here... and now no more of that. Everyone seems to be doing AWESOME! Yay for us!

Who knows what day of NC I'm on now since as I see it, those days of counting, etc. are way behind me. Just living life now!

You know how I knew I'm doing better. I've been seeing someone new and it actually lately hasn't been going so great, but I'm OK with it! Yeah, it sucks that it's probably not going to work out but I didn't immediately fall into a depression and think "oh, if only I could talk to my ex"... haha, instead I just thought, "oh well, its not going to work with this guy, bring on the next one!" haha

spion_kop · Jul 11, 2008, 08:58 AM

Hey you guys, it's beennnnn wayy too long since I've posted on this site. I've been so busy with university and friends that this is the only time I got to write a message as I'm going out of town again for the weekend

Here's a little update. My ex called me once a few days ago and then left me a text saying something like why dont you want to talk to me...Please answer your phone..please i just want to see how you are
After that she called me twice again. Now remember this is the girl that said that she didn't want to talk to me on the phone because it was a bit awkward. Now that I've gone NC for over 2 months, she calls me twice a week. Last week I met her friend when I went camping and told her to tell my ex to stop calling me, yet a few days later look what happens.

I know for a fact that things with her current boyfriend aren't going the way that they should be and she wants me to comfort her. I also know that she does care deeply about me and that she is confused. This girl needs to be single for a while to understand who she really is and what she really wants in life.
The way I see her is that she wants to be very independent but needs people to boost her ego and self esteem. She appears to be independent but she is far from it.
I thought I was clingy but I've taken a step back and realized that I don't need someone else to make me happy, I can be happy by myself.

Now I believe that this guy that she is with is some sort of a rebound, but I'm not banking on it. She needs to grow up and be a lot more mature. I have the biggest urge to call her boyfriend at work and letting him know that my ex should really stop calling me and wanting to talk to me.

Boristheblade · Jul 11, 2008, 09:05 AM

I am coping OK with the fact me and my ex are over good, and also that he cheated on me with three different people- one of them being his long term ex girlfriend he was with before me, and even OK with the fact he was/is so cruel and I never deserved and he didn't apology for cheating on me even though he knows I've now found out. What I cannot get out of my head... is the fact I was a rebound for this girl, just a small blip in their relationship when he was such a HUGE part of my life :( and the thought of them getting married and having their happy ever after is just AGONY. Wondering how to deal with the fact that I am nothing to him, and she is everything and that's just how it is. :(

Boristheblade · Jul 11, 2008, 09:10 AM

Apologise*

spion_kop · Jul 11, 2008, 09:11 AM

Boris, the saying by tailaman comes up. You made him a priority in your life while he made you an option in his. You gave him everything without making him earn it. People can be so cruel sometimes, it's unbelievable, all you can do is keep your chin up and keep troughing through the mud. Keep walking through this storm and never ever give up, you will get your just reward in the end. Things some how always tend to work out generally, just keep your chin up

magrock · Jul 11, 2008, 09:11 AM

I have question I was doing good for NC- but my ex texted me how I was doing... we texted back & worth- is that OK? However I was confident in the texts nothing about our relationship.. I want him to know I am OK w/the breakup... so I am just being cool w/him or should I ignore him? We broke up like 3wks ago...

spion_kop · Jul 11, 2008, 09:20 AM

Any form of contact you make is seen as breaking NC. To show that you're okay with the breakup you must show it to yourself first and not to him. Do what makes u happy and try not to think about them. As time passes by and if you've maintained NC, they themselves will realize that "oh, my ex hasnt contacted me in a long time, they must not need me anymore or must not think that I am important." You have to prove it to them through your actions, not through your words. In this day and age, words are meaningless

jpm247 · Jul 11, 2008, 09:27 AM

Good points Spion. When you walk through the storm...

You will come out the other side. I'm a liverpool fan, hoping we buy Keane or Villa!

Your post on your update was good and positive to read. You seem to now have your head ruling your heart, which is a good balanced state to be in. congrats on that. My ex is similar to yours, in that she needs to sort her head out and find out what she wants.

I know as you do, that I can be happy with or without her.

Keep up the good work my man.

Boristheblade · Jul 11, 2008, 09:37 AM

Originally Posted by spion_kop

Boris, the saying by tailaman comes up. You made him a priority in your life while he made you an option in his. You gave him everything without making him earn it. People can be so cruel sometimes, it's unbelievable, all you can do is keep your chin up and keep troughing through the mud. Keep walking through this storm and never ever give up, you will get your just reward in the end. Things some how always tend to work out generally, just keep your chin up

Thanks for your support. I know- I wish that I'd seen that quote AFTER we got together. You're so very right--- I gave him everything without him earning it. He didn't have a challenge. So I Imagine he got bored. Not a mistake I want to make again :(

Boristheblade · Jul 11, 2008, 10:05 AM

Does anybody else find that- it's not just them you miss? For instance I was close with his sister and mum and even adored his cat for goodness sake!! I knew his grandmother and aunties. It actually really hurts that all those people are out of my life along with him. Is that normal or it just me?

bigbird213 · Jul 11, 2008, 02:00 PM

Its normal, don't worry...

My ex's family loved me, and I have actually been invited over to her house by her mom since the breakup (a little odd to say the least :p). Its normal, but don't worry. Just like getting him out of your life, the rest of his family will go with it.

This is exactly why it is important to keep a life of your own and some independence. Should someone leave your life, you can't have you life fall apart...

jrsg · Jul 11, 2008, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by bigbird213

This is exactly why it is important to keep a life of your own and some independence. Should someone leave your life, you can't have you life fall apart....

That is very accurate. I have made that mistake before, and I was making that mistake only a week ago with my girlfriend. I saw her EVERYDAY! She was my life. That has changed now. I have many friends who I will still have in the event me and my girlfriend break up. It's a great lesson to learn.

hjpan · Jul 11, 2008, 06:31 PM

It's almost 3 weeks of NC... my ex has not texted, called, nor left me messages.

I feel relieved a bit more than before; sometimes I still have the urge but I try to control myself.

recently, I have been looking at the vocational school around SD (San Diego) and I toured the campus. It's in a financial district, but it's good. I took their exam and damn did I ace the test.

f104 · Jul 12, 2008, 12:36 PM

Good stuff guys. I too am doing better and one of my friends even said that I seem to be doing better. NC and time seems to work wonders. You guys all rock.

jiltedgirl · Jul 13, 2008, 02:34 PM

I haven't talked to my ex in a week now and lo and behold, I am feeling better. He tried to stay in contact with me twice last week, but I didn't reply.

I think he might be seeing someone else, or at least there's definitely another girl who is interested in him. I was initially jealous, but I think I'm okay with it now. I'm happy for him. :cool:

-J

ISneezeFunny · Jul 13, 2008, 02:41 PM

Oh jilted. You crazy woman, you. I'm glad you're feeling better.

... do I even categorize as an NC-er?

It's been... 7 months.. I... have no idea what my ex is doing. We run into each other every now and then at a party, club, or the grocery store... she says hi, I nod as a response.

Of course, I do think about her every once in a while. But really, it means almost nothing anymore.

jiltedgirl · Jul 13, 2008, 07:32 PM

!! Whaaat? I am NOT a crazy woman. Hhhhssss. -__-^

If anything, my ex is the crazy one. He practically sheds tears over me leaving, but when I do him the favor of letting go because that's what he said he wanted (not what I initially wanted), he can't swallow his stupid, petty PRIDE and is a complete about it. Then, he tries to stay in contact, saying how we're going to get back together this fall. Well, I've got my pride, too. SO NO.

(hhmm... I guess I'm more angry than 'crazy' today. It will pass. :P)

Anyway, glad to know that you're feeling better Sneezy. :) I'd love to hear about you. Keep in touch, you hear?

hjpan · Jul 13, 2008, 08:36 PM

Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

!!!!! whaaat?? I am NOT a crazy woman. hhhhssss. -__-^

If anything, my ex is the crazy one. He practically sheds tears over me leaving, but when I do him the favor of letting go because that's what he said he wanted (not what I initially wanted), he can't swallow his stupid, petty PRIDE and is a complete about it. Then, he tries to stay in contact, saying how we're going to get back together this fall. Well, I've got my pride, too. SO NO.

(hhmm...I guess I'm more angry than 'crazy' today. It will pass. :P)

Anyway, glad to know that you're feeling better Sneezy. :) I'd love to hear about you. Keep in touch, you hear?

Your boyfriend is a douche. I hate people who have so much pride that they turn arrogant.