[herown]

I have been in a relationship with someone for almost a year now. Everything has been great, apart from this one thing which troubles me a little. He tells me how nice I am, how good I look with what I’m wearing and everything, but when I mention to him that someone (my friends and people I meet) called me “beautiful”, he either seems to avoid the topic or quickly corrects it by saying 'only pretty'. I know fully well the level of my physical attributes and I don't consider myself the most beautiful. I was only hoping he'd just agree, because.. let’s face it - we girls do want to be called “beautiful” by our boyfriends once in a while, don’t we? The guys I went out with in the past have called me this (too nice? ), so I couldn’t help expecting to hear the same from him. I love him dearly and I believe he feels the same, but I couldn't help thinking of the cliché line “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,” and I am just worried that if he doesn’t find me attractive enough, he’d fall for someone he finds ‘beautiful’ in just a snap. I haven’t opened this up with him, and I have no intention to do so. Am I expecting too much from him?

[Rockstar714]

I don't think you're expecting too much, you're right, us girls do want to be called beautiful, we deserve it, whether we look like we got in a fight with a chainsaw or whether we look like a model. The cliché line "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is absolutely true. Someone could be atrocious on the outside but be the best person ever and they're still beautiful and that's what makes them beautiful.

Him correcting you by saying "only pretty" well, that's just a jack- move on his part. I'd talk to him about it, and tell him how you feel. It can't hurt, the worst that can happen is you guys decide to part ways because some true feelings come out. Don't let him avoid the subject.

[herown]

I really appreciate your thoughts Rockstar, and I'll consider what you suggested. I've been waiting to hear him say that for as long as I can remember. He told me once he hasn't seen me beautiful yet, and added 'probably when you're all dressed up.' We went to a formal gathering a few months back, and I was so desperate to hear it that I went to great lengths to look my best, and I was still 'pretty'. How painfully honest!! I'm getting the hang of it though. I just hope he holds back from being painfully honest even for a second, and give my yearning ego a boost. LOL! Thanks a lot again!

[plonak]

Hey girl,

Yes I agree with being honest and open with him.. that's kind of strange that he has to keep throwing it in your face even when you tried really hard to be beautiful. Maybe he likes the control or power? If so, you deserve to be treated better. Good luck and keep us posted!

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

Hunny, you are beautiful! !!
Don't let some guy tell you other wise.
If you are afraid that your boyfriend will leave you for someone more 'beautiful' then your insecurities have gotten the best of you. Build some confidence! When you wake up every morning, say to yourself 'I'm beautiful!' When walking down the street, smile at every one and your confidence will shine. Men like confidence.
Quit frankly I don't consider any woman in this world being more beautiful than the other.

[herown]

Thanks Plonak! I'd like to think it just never occurred to him that the term 'beautiful' is not only for the outside appearance. Otherwise, I'm doomed (you know what I mean). I really just hope I'm not overreacting. He's a really loving boyfriend and a very good person. He's just blind to my silent wishes sometimes.

[herown]

To you too beautifulbrunette, thank you. And yes, I sure will say that to myself when I wake up tomorrow.

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

I hope you do say it :)

[Rockstar714]

He's obviously shallow if beauty is only on the outside to him. He doesn't do much for your ego. Regardless of how loving and great he is, bottom line is that he doesn't make you feel good about yourself, and you don't need that. You are a beautiful person and this is obviously bothering you because you know you are. You don't need some guy reassuring you.

[Allheart]

I have been in a relationship with someone for almost a year now. Everything has been great, apart from this one thing which troubles me a little. He tells me how nice I am, how good I look with what I’m wearing and everything, but when I mention to him that someone (my friends and people I meet) called me “beautiful”, he either seems to avoid the topic or quickly corrects it by saying 'only pretty'. I know fully well the level of my physical attributes and I don't consider myself the most beautiful. I was only hoping he'd just agree, because.. let’s face it - we girls do want to be called “beautiful” by our boyfriends once in a while, don’t we? The guys I went out with in the past have called me this (too nice??), so I couldn’t help expecting to hear the same from him. I love him dearly and I believe he feels the same, but I couldn't help thinking of the cliche line “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,” and I am just worried that if he doesn’t find me attractive enough, he’d fall for someone he finds ‘beautiful’ in just a snap. I haven’t opened this up with him, and I have no intention to do so. Am I expecting too much from him?

First of all, you are beautiful, never let anyone plant those seeds of doubts in your mind.
I have a very funny feeling that it is your boyfriend who may be a tad insecure and fears
If he does call you beautiful, you will get too confident, and not want to be with him.

That's what it sounds like to me.

Your relationship should be with someone you can trust and not someone that you fear may up and run and the next beautiful girl that appears. And I bet that he has not intention of doing that, that is just your own fears creeping in.

It's not necessarily the words that are said, but how they make you feel when they are said.

Deep breath :) and relax and be your beautiful self!

[smokedetector]

While I think he SHOULD call you beautiful, I have to take into account that you say he meets your needs on all other levels, and from what you say it sounds doubtful that he is trying to make you feel bad about yourself, because he does still compliment you. Maybe you could ask him what his idea of beauty is. I've known guys who don't see beauty conventionally at all, be it physically or on the inside. My husband for instance, while he tells me I'm beautiful often enough, I know that he views beauty unconventionally, as he has told me, I am most beautiful to him when I just wake up, because that's when I look the most innocent and "unaffected" by the world. I'm sure the day when I am sweating and screaming and crushing his hand while I'm in labor, that is when I will be the most beautiful to him. Instead of grasping at ways to be beautiful to him, just ask him straight up what he deems beautiful. If he says Pamela Anderson, then it's probably not what I suggested :-D. Best of luck.

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

While I think he SHOULD call you beautiful, I have to take into account that you say he meets your needs on all other levels, and from what you say it sounds doubtful that he is trying to make you feel bad about yourself, because he does still compliment you. Maybe you could ask him what his idea of beauty is. I've known guys who don't see beauty conventionally at all, be it physically or on the inside. My husband for instance, while he tells me I'm beautiful often enough, I know that he views beauty unconventionally, as he has told me, I am most beautiful to him when I just wake up, because that's when I look the most innocent and "unaffected" by the world. I'm sure the day when I am sweating and screaming and crushing his hand while I'm in labor, that is when I will be the most beautiful to him. Instead of grasping at ways to be beautiful to him, just ask him straight up what he deems beautiful. If he says Pamela Anderson, then it's probably not what I suggested :-D. Best of luck.

Oh god! Anyone but Pam Anderson! Tee hee hee...
She lost her beauty and innocence a LONG time ago.

[Rockstar714]

Anyone but pam anderson? What about Britney Spears or Paris Hilton? Lol

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

How about neither! YUCK!

[fjsmith81]

Think of it this way when he calls you beautiful on your wedding day or after giving birth to your first child you will know that he means it. Maybe he just doesn't want to throw the word around. Maybe with his last girlfriend he called her beautiful all of the time and she took it for granted, you never know. Maybe he doesn't want to call you beautiful just because you ask him to. Sweetheart if he gives you the love and affection that you need that should be sufficient. Or would you want him to beat you and disrespect you but call you beautiful all of the time. If you know that you are beautiful inside and out don't fret over him telling you so. It will come eventually and probably at a time that you least expect it.

[Rockstar714]

I think there are some underlying issues, here.

When she says "oh, so and so called me beautiful today" and he says "no, you're only pretty" that's kind of messed up. Why would you correct someone saying that if you truly think it and don't want to say it?

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

How about this:

Pretty=Beutiful=Sexy=Desirable=Good Looking=Cute=Stunning=Attractive

Discussion ended :)

[Rockstar714]

Works for me.

Can I still get a free punch to all the d-baggish guys that don't appreciate their pretty=beautiful=sexy=desirable=good looking=cute=stunning=attractive significant others?

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

As you wish ;)

And make it more then just one punch. Do it for all of the ladies who feel less important in their man's lives.

[Rockstar714]

Will do, I'd love to. :)