[sibling]

The father of my grandchild has two children w/two different girls - He takes care of his first child financially -- but not my grandchild -- I have to buy practically everything; if I don't, my grandchild will be in need. I'm torn -- should I continue to buy her what she needs or stop so my daughter can see he will not change & not take him back & also grow up herself. It bothers me how much she caters to him while he does nothing for her or my grandchild.

[tgreer00]

This is a very tough one because an innocent life is involved. I think as long as you know your daughter is a fit mother and won't actually neglect or mistreat your grandchild, I'd let "tough love" be your guide and start cutting her off. Usually, when faced with this reality, the young mother will have to rely on herself more and will likely gain more clarity about the kind of person the father is or isn't going to be. Be prepared for a little emotional blackmail when she realizes you're not interested in being her ongoing benefactor. Do make note (and by this I mean actual hard copy notes) of the relationship you've had with your grandchild in the past and the monetary contributions you've made for the baby and mothers benefit as well. In this way, if your daughter completely loses her mind and really withholds your grandchild from you in order to get you to "behave", you can get an attorney and get grandparental visitation rights. I used to work for an attorney and let's just say that judges are not the least bit amused by parents using children as pawns. In the meantime, continue to do the nice things you'd do as any grandmother would, but put the limit right there.

[ScottGem]

Has a child support order been established?

[sibling]

No, my daughter changes her mind when she's to go to court to do this. Maybe her b/f changes her mind & asks her not to do it...

[ScottGem]

If she applies for public assistance, she'll have to do it.

The only thing I can see here is you trying to get guardianship, Maybe that will wake her up.

[sibling]

Thank you for your time & advice.

[Fr_Chuck]

I may go as for as telling her that you will continue to help but ONLY if she goes ahead and files for child support which is in the child's interest.
Sometimes we have to force them to do the right thing

[ScottGem]

Comments on this post
Miller11 disagrees: That is not necessarily true It all depends on the state you live in because they all have different laws regarding that stuff. I'm on a med card and so is my little girl and her daddy and I live in the same house but not married and I didn't have to

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

While its true laws vary, if you apply for public assistance in every place I'm aware of, they will ask about the father and will go after the father to reimburse the state for what they pay out in assistance.

I don't know the specifics about your situation, but I strongly suspect there are additional circumstances in your case. There are often exceptions to any rule, but the advice we give out here has to deal with the most likely scenraios, not the exceptions.

[AandZ4ever]

This guy sounds like a deadbeat just keep supporting the grandchild but stop supporting the mother for a while. Make her get a job learn responsibility and take that bum deadbeat dad to court HE HAS to pay for his baby too.

[blackblue]

Only buy your grandchild the things she needs.DON'T give your daughter any "spending money" for movies/clothes/food etc.

When buying groceries only by what is needed.No special treats.
When buying shampoo/conditioner, buy the cheap kind.

When she asks why you are being so "cheap", tell her that you have to cut back in order to support HER child and if she wants to have such luxuries she should get a job or ask her baby daddy to help.

Tough love.