[Donnieboy2008]

Hi Ok I am going to try my best to make this short. The run down... met a girl, she told me she was going through a divorce... met her 9 months ago... recently found out it was just a separation and now she wants the divorce and waiting for her papers. Woman has been hurt a lot before... first 3 months of our relationship, I was too cold, it was just sex... developed into love. After many I love you be my boyfriend, to I need space, to I need a break blah blah blah, I kept trying. I feel deeply in love and showed her the real me. Last week she asked to be my girlfriend again, I said yes... I receive email from her husbands sister saying she is a liar and meesed up blah blah blah, I aske her about it and show my "GF" the email, suddenly everything has changed. Now she needs break again, I am so lost. She asks to be friends, I say OK, She starts going through the process of getting over her husband, she goes to therapy, I take a step back and give her space, I get mistreated and hurt, I call her and say Hi and I am met with a wall of ice, I am so confused, I ask you sound like you hate me all of a sudden, I get the reply, I have to hate you I used you I lied to you, go on with your life, Ill go on with mine. I felt this girl really loved me, I was the only one there for her, I was the first so she says to show her a lot of love and support and help... Now she hates me?? Why? I thought for awhile I was a rebound but we kept getting back together.. I love this girl and don't want to abandon her, she is always being hurt, used, cheated on... essentially she has been screwed up her whole life. She's in therapy because of me telling her she needs help to resolve her issues... I get the call saying thank you for the way I tried to help... I am thinking great she is going to get better, I say to her I love her but she attacks me and says she doesn't want to hear someone loves her... Im like OK but I still do! She dumps me hard... I saay you wanted me as a friend and you now treat me like crap, I ask what I did wrong, she says nothing she wants space. Im like OK again... I call her just to see if she is OK... she doesn't sound like she is... I try to help and be there for her, but the more I do... Just as a friend, I am confronted with ICE! I say I am just trying to be a friend, she doesn't want that now either! I am so lost and confused, I want to be there for her and yet it is me receiving all her hurt. I cry all the time... not even my worst enemy ever told me they hate me... she said she has to hate me.. I tell her I am always there for you... again I hear I don't need anybody... I need to keep going down my path, I cry again... Im losing my friend now, yet she gets closer to her girl friends... she isn't well, she drinks a lot, she sleeps all the time... she is messing up her life and I want to save her! Therapy is great but the path she is choosing isn't the right one for her! I know she will be hurt and receive another kick in her stomach soon! I don't want to let that happen... she won't listen to me anymore. She directs so so much anger towards me for nothing and I am sitting here wondering why! I want to be her friend and be there for her while she goes through the divorce process, and getting over him... but she won't let me and I fear she will hurt herself! She won't let anyone get close to her now... she lies to herself thinking she is feeling happy even when I see she is not. Her confidence is shot, she went back to stripping to feel pretty again, she parties with her frineds and drinks to feel good, she has given up pn a future for her to make the quick buck... she is so lost and when I try to bring her back, I am the one who suffers... I really don't want her to be hurt anymore, I love her with all my heart, to the point where I would die for her, yet still she doesn't see that... I just don't understand the anger towards me, the mistreatment towards me the unappreciation towards me... I am the only one there for her, yet she pushes me away... What do I do??

I know this message is everywhere, its only because I am so lost... how can I help her? What do I need to do? I hear move on, yet I cant.. everyone abandons her... I don't want to, but when I try to explain that to her I get I don't need anybody! Im so lost and confused... came here for help... Theres a lot of stuff in between that I have left out, but if I wrote it all... we would be 100 years old.

[N0help4u]

If she pushes you away stay away, maybe she will see her lose.
Really it is better to wait until she can show you divorce papers and say I DO want to be with you... short of that you are just riding the roller coaster and your emotions are going to suffer and nothing is going to benefit.

[Donnieboy2008]

But she hurts herself and others... She always says she just wants a "F" buddy... I don't want her to meet someone who hurts her! She is so gullible, and so so fragile... She really is a good person but she gets hurt for her heart... I just don't get the hatred towards me? I love her so much and she knows it but still she left me behind and all I want to know is that she is OK and I don't get any answers! She's alive yes, but the pain in her voice is killing me

[N0help4u]

So you are going to just let her use you so that she doesn't make other wrong choices for herself?

She is just going to keep playing you as long as she sees that she can. If that is all you want from the relationship let her keep cheating on her husband that she may not be seriously considered leaving but using as an excuse to get you to feel sorry for her.

Also how do you know she has not already met somebody else that will hurt her.
If all she says she wants is a *F* buddy she very likely could have some others too.
That could even explain her confusing behavior.

[smokedetector]

Wait for the divorce to be final before you do anything more than friendly with her
If she says stay away, do it. That's not you abandoning her, that's you respecting her decision, and once she realizes what she's missing, maybe she'll come to her senses. She seems to be just as all over the place as you. This is messing you up and you becoming as self destructive as she is. Stop and take a step back. Get your own life back on track and stable before trying to help her. Good luck.

[Donnieboy2008]

Thank you so much! You're right I am lost... and I don't remember who I WAS. The help here is greatly appreciated. I need to distance myself from her right now and focus on me! Thank you all so much, its bizarre the clarity you find, when given time alone and with the guidance of others. The hatred she showed me was undeserved... I was always a nice guy but one who changed too much for her benefit. She needs to find her own path, and live with herself... I am slowly remembering who I am. Thanks guys.

[smokedetector]

I'm glad you're taking your life back. I wish you the best.

[Donnieboy2008]

Thank you, it will be a difficult path, but One I created on my own. I have no regrets. I loved with all of myself, it wasn't enough, and for that to be a reality I need to accept the truth... she wasn't for me