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starbuck8 · Jul 7, 2008, 11:00 PM

Do not let this man hide you any longer because of your skin colour. You are a person with feelings and needs, just like anyone else! I had a feeling about this also. Don't let any man beat you down for ANY reason! He is abusing you, and your baby girl, by treating you this way! It doesn't matter where you are from honey, and it sure doesn't matter that the colour of your skin is different than his!

What matters is, the way you feel about yourself, and he is certainly doing you harm in that area, if he is beating your self-esteem into the ground. Stand up for what you believe in, and do it for your daughter! It is hard enough growing up in the world these days for young people, and she certainly doesn't need this kind of influence in her life. It doesn't matter that she is still a very young baby. She is learning from her surroundings! She sure doesn't need a man who will be an influence, to have an attitude like his, where he has to hide her mother.

I had hoped that people had come a lot farther than the days of Rosa Parks, where people were pushed to the back of the bus, when ignorant people thought they had that power!

Please leave this man, and give your daughter a better life!

Romefalls19 · Jul 8, 2008, 05:20 AM

Have you tried expressing your feelings of being treated like this to him? Have you expressed the want to get to know his friends, family and neighbors? If you have exhausted this communication method than you need to ask yourself what road you should travel, continue being treated as a neglected girlfriend or move on.

Ximenita · Jul 8, 2008, 06:57 AM

[QUOTE=Romefalls19]Have you tried expressing your feelings of being treated like this to him? Have you expressed the want to get to know his friends, family and neighbors?

Yes, I did, I asked him and he says that everything is just my imagination, he admits though that he cannot introduce me to his kids or his mom, but otherwise he says he just never had the chance to introduce me to anybody else, but as I told... he once asked me to hide from his wife, I was not allowed to answer the phone or the door and I could tell that the few times that we went out he was trying not to be seen with me. He would deny it though, lately he started telling me that I could answer the phone and I could take the baby to the back yard, but I didn't, cause I know he just says that, and just because I confronted him. He gets very nervous when he's around me in public.

Romefalls19 · Jul 8, 2008, 07:37 AM

If you still wish to be with this man, start taking the initiative and answering the door. Then take the baby outside, introduce yourself to people around, take the baby for a walk in the stroller around town. Test the waters a bit, if he isn't embarrassed then it wouldn't be a problem would it? Goodluck, keep me posted with either decision you make

starbuck8 · Jul 8, 2008, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

If you still wish to be with this man, start taking the initiative and answering the door. Then take the baby outside, introduce yourself to people around, take the baby for a walk in the stroller around town. Test the waters a bit, if he isn't embarrassed then it wouldn't be a problem would it? Goodluck, keep me posted with either decision you make

I know you mean well, but from all that I've heard, and I believe she's already made this decision (a great one at that) to run not walk from this man as fast as she can! He is lying to her, and is hiding something big. She deserves to be with someone who does not feel the need to hide her in public, or in private for that matter. Her baby deserves to have a man around that isn't telling her mother that she can't answer doors or phones, and will be proud and excited to be seen in public with them.

Chery · Jul 8, 2008, 10:14 AM

Honey, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you for falling in love with a man of a different color. It happens all the time and most couples are happy with each other. It does take more strength though, because not all people are tolerant of 'mixed' couples - but that is their problem.

It is HIS problem that he wants to be with you, but has deeply rooted guilt because he was brought up by bigots and has to overcome this 'brainwashing'. But until then, he has no right to expect you to indulge him while he is going through these 'changes'. He should be open and honest with you and treat you with more respect while he is coming out of his 'closet'.

You need to seek an environment where there are more tolerant people around you, and go to non-profit social groups and meet people that respect you for who you are and make you and your daughter feel more comfortable and at 'home'.

You have a right to your happiness and don't need to be hidden by anyone in your life. You also owe it to your daughter to ensure that she feels loved and secure in the neighborhood where she will grow up in and she should never be ashamed of being who she is... so you have a lot of planning to do for both of your futures - and I am confident that you will find your place in this world and be happy. So, go and find what you want in your life - and remember that there are people out there who are willing to help you.

No matter where you go, or what you do from now on, please stay with us and keep us informed of your progress. And, when you feel down, come here and vent - we will be here to support you in any way we can.

Again, best wishes for you and your baby.. you both deserve a lot more than what you've received so far.

Ximenita · Jul 8, 2008, 08:05 PM

Today I sent him a note by email and I left. I just received an email from him telling me that he would do anything to keep me in his life, that I mean the world to him and he's ready to make a stronger commitment to me. Im not replying. Im already gone.

starbuck8 · Jul 8, 2008, 08:22 PM

Originally Posted by Ximenita

Today I sent him a note by email and I left. I just received an email from him telling me that he would do anything to keep me in his life, that I mean the world to him and hes ready to make a stronger commitment to me. Im not replying. Im already gone.

You Rock Girl! No one deserves to be treated the way you have been treated! We are all here if you need our support! Take care of that sweet babe of yours!

friend4u178 · Jul 8, 2008, 08:25 PM

NOW he's willing to make a stronger commitment??

Don't fall for it.

Ximenita · Jul 8, 2008, 09:15 PM

NOW he's willing to make a stronger commitment??

Yes, now that Im gone. I won't fall for it. It will hurt for a while, but Ill be fine

starbuck8 · Jul 8, 2008, 09:24 PM

We are all behind you 100%! If your little girl could talk, she would be very proud of her mama for sticking up for herself! Like I said before, we are all here for you when you are feeling down and need someone to talk to. I know that had to be hard for you to do. It's not easy being a single Mom! I personally wish the very best for you! Keep us updated. I know you will do well, and make your daughter proud! :)

Ximenita · Jul 9, 2008, 12:11 AM

Thank you all guys for your comments. They helped me a lot, I fell sad and frustrated, but I also feel relieved, no stress anymore. Something good must be waiting for me somewhere.

starbuck8 · Jul 9, 2008, 12:22 AM

You are entitled to feel sad and frustrated! I know what you did could not have been easy at all! This guy tried to bring you down, but you had the 'where with all' to get yourself out, before it got worse.

Something really tells me that you will find someone that is just so much better for you! You seem like you are a strong person. Just don't forget that you are! The better you feel about yourself, the more attractive you will be to a good man, that will respect and love both you and your little girl. Self confidence is the most attractive thing to a good man.

Again, good luck to you!

sully123 · Jul 9, 2008, 03:16 AM

Ximentia, stop blaming yourself! It's not your fault, you are worth so much more than that. It's him, we all think the same way. The sooner you get away from this man, the better. He is just pulling you down. Someday when you moved on and look back on this situation, you will say too yourself what was I thinking, to waste my time with a person like this. Don't beat yourself up with this. If it's your afraid of being alone, there is so much help out their for single mom's. YOU can do it!

blubblub · Jul 12, 2008, 03:32 PM

Hey Xim just to let you know I'm keeping up with your situation and I, like many others ,believe you have made the right coice... Stay strong and be justifiably proud.:)

Chery · Jul 13, 2008, 04:05 AM

Originally Posted by Ximenita

NOW he's willing to make a stronger commitment?????

Yes, now that Im gone. I wont fall for it. It will hurt for a while, but Ill be fine

We are here for you dear. It's his problem that he thinks too late, not your's.
We know that your pain will not go away overnight, but when you take your daughter for a stroll outside and walk proud and tall, you'll make new friends and not be alone for too long.

With the next guy, if he does not show you off, and openly shows how much he cares... tell him where to get off at the next corner.

If your ex happens to find you and does not have a ring with him and is not willing to live somethere else with you - tell him to take a hike.

hjpan · Jul 13, 2008, 11:25 AM

Who cares about his custody battle?

Under the law, he has the right to see his children previously from the ex-wife.

There's nothing to hide...

Excuse 1: My parents are religious and wants me to find the "right girl."
Mythbust 1: He's a grown man. He can do what the heck he wants to do.

Excuse 2: Others will think that you're my ex-wife.
Mythbust 2: You can tell them to fuq off and that you're not the ex-wife.

Excuse 3: He thinks it's too soon for his kids to know.
Mythbust 3: The earlier the children know, the relationship is easier to bond. Put an infant dog and cat together; when they grow up, they won't fight.. studies have confirm bonding

seriously, tell him to grow the fuq up and be mature about it or you'll seriously leave him. Living in a motel 2 weeks is ridiculous. Why can't you live at his place all the time?

starbuck8 · Jul 13, 2008, 11:29 AM

Originally Posted by hjpan

Who cares about his custody battle?

Under the law, he has the right to see his children previously from the ex-wife.

There's nothing to hide...

Excuse 1: My parents are religious and wants me to find the "right girl."
Mythbust 1: He's a grown man. He can do what the heck he wants to do.

Excuse 2: Others will think that you're my ex-wife.
Mythbust 2: You can tell them to fuq off and that you're not the ex-wife.

Excuse 3: He thinks it's too soon for his kids to know.
Mythbust 3: The earlier the children know, the relationship is easier to bond. Put an infant dog and cat together; when they grow up, they won't fight.. studies have confirm bonding

seriously, tell him to grow the fuq up and be mature about it or you'll seriously leave him. Living in a motel 2 weeks is ridiculous. Why can't you live at his place all the time?

Once again, please read prior posts in the threads to which you are replying. She has already left, and if you had read back, you would have known. ;)