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Icingonthecake · Jul 4, 2008, 09:59 PM

I had a date one week ago with a guy I had met on one of the online dating sites. I thought we had a great date. Good conversation and I felt we had a connection. 2 days later he emails me and tells me he is sorry he hasn't called but this and that is going on and he will give me a call. That was 3 days ago. Was he trying to ease his mind by telling me he will call. I am a very nice, sweet person and maybe he didn't feel the connection but didn't want to hurt my feelings? He does have a demanding job. I do want to give him the benefit of the doubt but for how long?

starbuck8 · Jul 5, 2008, 12:43 AM

Don't wait around for him to call, and don't count how many days with no contact from him. It was a first date after all. He may very well be busy, and will call when he has time. Guys like a challenge of course, so he might just be waiting to see how you react too! If he does call, don't seem too anxious to accept another date right away. Tell him that you had a great time, but you will have to check your plans, and you will get back to him shortly. If he's interested, that will show him that you have life, and haven't been sitting around waiting for his call... and as I said, DON'T sit and wait for his call. Guys are not interested in needy women. They want to know that you will not be clinging to him, and waiting for him to call all of the time.

happy_jester · Jul 5, 2008, 03:48 AM

"Icingonthecake" I can understand that he has a demanding job,and that is why he
hasn't got back to you........

.......BUT 3 days?????

As you've said in your question,you thought that you both had a great date. Good conversation and you felt that you had a connection [so why this kind of behaviour towards you??]

If you are able to get in contact with him again,if I were you I would want a
serious talk (or at the very least,an explanation)

JoeCanada76 · Jul 5, 2008, 04:18 AM

Sorry but no series talks. If there were in a real relationship then maybe but it was just a date. If he does have a demanding job then there are other things going on, but never wait up on somebody. He has been in contact with you. I would say calm down and relax a lot. As starby said, guys do not like desperate women.

happy_jester · Jul 5, 2008, 04:41 AM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Sorry but no series talks. If there were in a real relationship then maybe but it was just a date.

Ok,no serious talks [not at this stage,anyway] BUT he does,at the very least,
need to get in touch with her,so that she knows where she stands.

JBeaucaire · Jul 5, 2008, 06:55 AM

I agree with jester's sentiment. It's just not practical. This guy doesn't owe anyone anything. He went on one date and has gone back to his life.

It would be nice if everyone was socially skilled enough to be able to do the follow-up stuff and break things off smoothly, but you have no idea how the person is going to act when you make those calls. It can get pretty uncomfortable pretty quickly.

It is understandable that people simply move on without contacting. Hurtful? Sure, but understandable. His choosing to do it this way isn't wrong, it's just unfortunate.

Also, he could just be unbelievably busy and doesn't communicate well when busy. If this turns out to be the case, it's good info for her to have NOW before he DOES finally call back at some point in the future to pick things up. Maybe she isn't in the market for a guy this busy.

ThinkingOutloud · Jul 5, 2008, 09:52 AM

All right, I've read every ones comments before mine and I do have my own opinion. It was a first date and three days... if you put that in retrospect to anything else it wouldn't seem that long. I think that if he called you to tell you that he was busy this could mean that he was honestly sorry that he wasn't able to contact you before then and that he would like to stay in touch - not that he trying to let you down easily. Don't analyze so much, if you feel like both of you had a good time on your date then you're probably right. Also don't forget you're not in the dark here, you do have the option of calling him to make plans if you want. This way if he really doesn't want to he can deny... or he could say yes and you can see if you have another great date. Don't be desperate and don't wait around too long live your life the way you want, not how others play it out for you. I hope everything turns out for the best.

ThinkingOutloud

Icingonthecake · Jul 5, 2008, 12:51 PM

Thanks ThinkingOutLoud. No, I don't feel I am waiting around for him but yes, I did have a good time and felt he did too. I don't think that if he was brushing me off he would not have emailed me. He works 24hr shifts every other day and I know it is a busy time of year for his profession. I will continue on with my life and maybe he will call when he is less busy. I wanted others opinions (especially males) because being out of the dating scene for a lot of years has me a little rusty. Thanks again!