[artsyfartsytoo]

My daughter has had a close group of friends since elementary school. Lately the only time she sees them is if she initiates a call to them and that takes some work. She is blown off a lot. What should I do? I fear she is doing something they don't like.

[Hypatia]

Or it could be they are doing something they think she isnt "cool" enough to do. Kids grow apart, it happens. Try being honest and asking her what is up. Tell her you will not get angry or punish her for the truth. Often I hear my friends complain how their kids lie, hide, sneak etc yet I find that my friends that are open with their kids and bluntly honest rarely have this problem. I think the difference is there are two types of parents, those that see their kids as theirs to control, and those that see their kids as their own people that they will guide.
I say be the latter parent. Being open and guiding gets more than controling and leading.

Hypatia

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes it can go both way, often kids with good morals and judgement loose a lot of friends as they leave grade school into middle school and even more into high school.

Then I would say what type if any new friends is she making.

And very often as we get into high school, and our values change, some go into music (band, choir) others into shop classes or AG classes , others into college prep and so on. So often new interest makes for newer friends.

[DJ 'H']

My daughter has had a close group of friends since elementary school. Lately the only time she sees them is if she initiates a call to them and that takes some work. She is blown off alot. What should I do? I fear she is doing something they don't like.

As kids get older, they take different paths. When I started Secondry school, I met this girl who became my best friend. We were like sisters, always at eachothers house, always doing everything together - by the time we left school we and went to different colleges etc - we did not see each other period.

We were texting each other on our birthdays and exchanging the odd email now and again, but this year we have not spoken, nor wished each other happy birthday. Safe to say what we had once is no more. I miss her terribly and wish everyday she and I were just the way we used to be, but she has gone her own way and I have gone mine. We do not have the same things in common anymore and we have a totally different circle of friends.

That's just life!

[fredg]

Hi,
Being "blown off" by a group of friends is natural... friends change.
She can make new friends. People change, some for the worst, some for the best. If this "group" of friends now has different values and feelings about life, and your daughter doesn't have the same feelings, then it's time for your daughter to find some friends who believes the way she does.

[PTMKNH]

My son just turned 18. I was always very honest with him and expected the same from him. If I thought something was going on, I asked. If you want to know something that she has the answer to, why wouldn't you just ask her? Sometimes people are afraid to step on toes, or offend others and too often walk on egg shells. The world for a young person can at times be tough and cruel. I took an up-front and honest approach with my son. I was fortunate. Today he is very well adjusted, open, and expects the same from others. This approach cuts out a lot of worry and frustration and I've found it cuts down on the amount of time non-productive, worry-sum thoughts have to enter into your mind