[SmartNsexa]

Anyone that has followed my threads knows that my girl at school and I decide to take a break. After about a week of not talking, she called me around 5 yesterday. Since I have not been moping around or doing nothing with my life, I did not see her call. I was out running and trying to better myself. I ended up calling her back around 7. We had a good conversation. For about 10 minutes. She was asking me about my life since we haven't talked in a little while. I asked about her new job and things of that nature. No talk at all about the relationship. No neediness on my half. Plus I haven't been needy at all since we have been apart. She told me that she was making dinner and jello-shots with one of her girlfriends.

She is really busy with her life working 5x a week...I'm working 5x a week and going on vacation next week. Both of us have busy lives, so it was good to talk to her. I'm not going to play any games...I'm just going to treat her like everyone else. We joked around a few things and it was overall, a good conversation. I'm not plotting any games or anything. I'm just going with flow...After I told her that I hadda get going she said something like, "Well it was great to hear from you..I just wanted to see how you were since we haven't talked in awhile...I will talk to you later"

I know she didn't say, "I want to work on the relationship" and I'm fine that she didn't say this. This was probably a test to see how was I and how I would act. And I definitely passed. It was good to talk to her and we will see what happens in the future!

Fantastic.
Remember Love does not know how to subtract, it only knows how to add. Having her as a friend adds to your life.
Cheers!

[thekid55]

What do you mean by that? I am interested in her as my girlfriend, but she called and checked up on me recently. The summer will probably only permit us to be friends. I'd rather hear from her once in awhile than never.. However, I do wonder what she does on Fridays and Saturdays.

[thekid55]

I've made some recent postings on here. I'm just looking for verification that I am handling this the right way.

I started dating this one girl at college in late March. Her and I instantly clicked. We jumped into things really quickly. While we were never in an "official" relationship, we pretty much acted like a couple. (We wouldn't hook up with others, etc). We shared a bed on most nights, were intimate, etc.

Her and I had this thing for almost 2 months at school. Since we are 5 hours apart for the summer, we decided to just play it cool for the summer. Before she left, she cried in my arms for at least 10 minutes because she didn't want to leave me. That showed me her feelings were real all along.

She gets home for summer and was immediately bombarded by her ex. Her ex's friends would even get in her face and yell at her for having someone new (me) when her ex loved her so much... They dated for a year in high school, but she broke up with him when he told her that she wasn't worth it anymore. This was right after New Years. He had been trying to win her back with gifts, cards, even came to visit her at school. (They went to school 12 hours apart for college). Apparently, he had been calling her a lot, trying to get her to hang out with him... she told me all of this and she never hung out with him. Apparently, all of the drama at home was starting to make the relationship with me not worth it to her.

Things with her had been good. We would talk everyday. This lasted until the beginning of June when problems with her ex started to dominate our conversations. He apparently tried to kiss her at some party and she denied him. She got so flustered with all of this and he even begged her to forgive him. Her away message the next day was like, "f you".. so I was wondering why she made it such a big deal since she had me convinced at school that she was over it. She has told me that she really wants to be friends with him since she is pretty much friends with all of her exes... he just doesn't seem to want that.

I got tired of hearing about the problems, so I told her that they were avoidable and that she should try to limit exposure to him at parties. (They have mutual friends) She viewed this as me "trying to control her"... this led to a huge argument between her and I when she told me "you don't understand me, i just think we should be friends because if we keep going at this, it'll make it worse"

Needless to say, I was surprised. But I didn't cling on to her. I gave it a few days to die down. We had planned a trip for me to come visit her prior to the fight. I called her a few days before to see if it was on. I told her that I was coming to visit my room mate who lives near her and she suggested lunch. I went and it was awkward. I tried to save the relationship and try to talk to her about it. I even told her that I would be more willing to listen to her problems rather than advise. She wasn't for it and she told me that she doesn't want what we have right now.

I left the meeting with her. She ended up texting me a few days later about the Celtics. Then after not talking for a week and a half, she called me on Friday night. Just to talk. Only talked for about 10 minutes. I've been really busy, etc. She told me that she wanted to catch up and all.

My question: School restarts in September.. about 2 months away.. How do you evaluate her behavior? She isn't stringing me along and she has told me that she is totally over her ex, but not the relationship. Her and I really didn't have a base since we only had been dating for little over a month. I know that she likes me and all... my concern is her thinking that I have given up since I don't initiate contact anymore. What do you think? Am I doing the right thing?

[teezee]

Okay for sure, you need to forget about the girl. She's for sure coo coo in the head. It could be that her story about her ex is a complete lie and just a manipulation tactic. I've seen it happen before. Regardless of what's true or not, I would advise you to date a normal person who doesn't create such irrational drama because its not like you explicitly did anything to cause her to stir up such issues

[simoneaugie]

I don't think she sounds coo coo or like a drama queen. She is currently swimming in her old pool of fish. She is young and changing, so are you. Be friends when you both return to school if she's into that. If the relationship grows, so be it.

[liz28]

I think, if anything, she is confuse. Maybe being around her friends and ex is leaving her conflicted and at this time she's unsure about want she want. She has a past where she's was raised at and something new where she goes to school.

I don't think there's nothing wrong with being friends with your ex, but its wrong when you know your ex is trying to win you back. Either you set ground rules right away or not be friends. Her friends should not control her life and tell her who she should be with, that's her decision and she needs to stand up for herself.

Now you've think, even if she does decide to be with you, is this always going happen when she goes home, are her feelings for you real? Life is full of decisions and choices that are sometimes difficult, but you have to make them and only you. It seems she isn't ready to make them or maybe she has and that why when you talk to her it seem strain. Be prepare that this thing with her might be over and she might wants to be friends when she get back.

As far as you doing the right thing you did, even when you was hurting behind this whole situation, what more could you do. You proved that you try to be there for her and she shut the door. Open communication was there on your part and you put her feelings before your. That tells a lot about your character and willpower.

[thekid55]

Anyone else?

[Simple Asian]

I hope that I am not too late for this post... since it been like a week .but anyway...

so you saying... you want to be back wit her?. or not?.

friends would be great right now... just keep on it .^^...

if you want you can ask her out for a hang out... dinner... movie.. as FRIENDS >>>^^ catch up

[thekid55]

I've made some recent postings on here. I'm just looking for verification that I am handling this the right way.

I started dating this one girl at college in late March. Her and I instantly clicked. We jumped into things really quickly. While we were never in an "official" relationship, we pretty much acted like a couple. (We wouldn't hook up with others, etc). We shared a bed on most nights, were intimate, etc.

Her and I had this thing for almost 2 months at school. Since we are 5 hours apart for the summer, we decided to just play it cool for the summer. Before she left, she cried in my arms for at least 10 minutes because she didn't want to leave me. That showed me her feelings were real all along.

She gets home for summer and was immediately bombarded by her ex. Her ex's friends would even get in her face and yell at her for having someone new (me) when her ex loved her so much... They dated for a year in high school, but she broke up with him when he told her that she wasn't worth it anymore. This was right after New Years. He had been trying to win her back with gifts, cards, even came to visit her at school. (They went to school 12 hours apart for college). Apparently, he had been calling her a lot, trying to get her to hang out with him... she told me all of this and she never hung out with him. Apparently, all of the drama at home was starting to make the relationship with me not worth it to her.

Things with her had been good. We would talk everyday. This lasted until the beginning of June when problems with her ex started to dominate our conversations. He apparently tried to kiss her at some party and she denied him. She got so flustered with all of this and he even begged her to forgive him. Her away message the next day was like, "f you".. so I was wondering why she made it such a big deal since she had me convinced at school that she was over it. She has told me that she really wants to be friends with him since she is pretty much friends with all of her exes... he just doesn't seem to want that.

I got tired of hearing about the problems, so I told her that they were avoidable and that she should try to limit exposure to him at parties. (They have mutual friends) She viewed this as me "trying to control her"... this led to a huge argument between her and I when she told me "you don't understand me, i just think we should be friends because if we keep going at this, it'll make it worse"

Needless to say, I was surprised. But I didn't cling on to her. I gave it a few days to die down. We had planned a trip for me to come visit her prior to the fight. I called her a few days before to see if it was on. I told her that I was coming to visit my room mate who lives near her and she suggested lunch. I went and it was awkward. I tried to save the relationship and try to talk to her about it. I even told her that I would be more willing to listen to her problems rather than advise. She wasn't for it and she told me that she doesn't want what we have right now.

I left the meeting with her. I texted her a few days after. She IMed me about her favorite sports team. We went for about a week and a half without talking before she called me to talk about our lives... this conversation happened about 2 weeks ago and we have not talked since.

My question: School restarts in September.. about 2 months away.. How do you evaluate her behavior? I'm giving her all the space in the world and not applying any pressure. I really haven't contacted her in about a month and the two times we have spoken in the last month have been initiated by her. There was never any talk about "us".. Do you think us not talking is the best thing for now? I'm probably 90% confident that she isn't dating or hooking up with other. What do you think?

[maria16]

She sounds confused. And she's put you in the awkward position of constantly having to hear about her ex which is a bit much. In a way you're being too understanding? What about your feelings? And what do you want? It sounds like the relationship is centering too much around her and she's calling the shots. It's probable that in September she'll maybe want to resume where you left off, but is she expecting you always to be there regardless of how she's acting. I guess that's the problem with taking a break when the relationship is so new.
If you want to clear the air and talk I would do so. You guys went out long enough to have a discussion about it if it'll make you feel less confused.

[hjpan]

She's bringing drama. Forget her.

[thekid55]

Has anyone ever felt that way before? Your partner breaks up with you and you feel powerless. You leave them alone and they come back which gives you a sense of power.

Well, in my situation, I dated this girl for about 2 months before school ended. Things were fine heading into the summer, but some episodes with her crazy ex at home (she isn't interested in him) and her unwillingness to stop going to parties when she always left them upset pretty much ended things. She told me that I don't understand where she is coming from when she constantly leaves these parties at home, upset, flustered, or mad. I suggested to her that she not attend them as often and she viewed this as controlling. She goes with her girl friends to these parties and it always seems to be drama filled with her ex. Odd, I know. My view is that she is confused and I'm just removing myself from the situation to give myself clarity and for her to get straightened out. She was emotionally distraught after ending things with me.

So after the breakup, I just played it cool. I've let her come to me. No neediness. No clinging. We broke up roughly a month ago. She called me about 2 weeks ago and we talked for a few minutes before I ended it. She emailed me tonight saying "Heyy xxxx, how are you? I haven't heard from you in awhile...hope things are going well"... I haven't initiated contact in over a month and I've only heard from her twice. I really don't think there is anyone else in the picture. I do know that she still goes to these parties, but it is only maybe once or twice a week since she is working now.

I haven't responded to the email, but I do feel a sense of power. I know that this contact doesn't mean she wants to get back together, but what do you view this as?

[JBeaucaire]

I view it as a bad habit trying to form itself. Whether you feel the "power" of being in control or not, you ALWAYS have that power. Exercise it here. Don't form this habit.

Being in a successful relationship is more about self-sacrifice than controlling power.

[thekid55]

Long story short: Dated a girl at college for 2 months before summer started. We moved really fast and I did fall for her. We both got out of tough relationships in the winter. I was over my ex and she had me convinced she was over hers. She wouldn't accept his calls, threw away the pictures, etc. Very cold to him. Summer came and she cried in my arms before leaving since we would be 5 hours apart for the summer.

She gets home and gets bombared by the ex. He tries to kiss her at some party and she pushes him away and he starts calling her names. She calls and I help her. I recommend that she not go to parties where he is at. She views this as me controlling her. Things eventually fell apart and we've been broken up for about a month.

She called me once 2 weeks ago to talk and emailed me Saturday asking how I am.

I found out today that she went to the beach with her ex one day and they are "talking". I don't know... From what I've seen from her actions and what she has told me, she is not interested in dating him. She had me under the impression that she just wanted to be alone and get over him so she could come back to me... maybe she is just trying to see if that's dead? I don't know..

Also, she started rapidly texting me last night (something that hasn't happened in awhile), asking me about my life and things of that nature which lasted for about an hour.

What do you think of the situation? School is 7 weeks away.

[N0help4u]

Sounds simply like she is not strong enough to stand up to her ex so she is basically back with him even if not officially. She is in denial even to herself. Very likely when she goes back to school she will then want back with you. Its called whatever is convenient at the minute and not being able to make up her mind.

[thekid55]

Long story short: Dated a girl at college for 2 months before summer started. We moved really fast and I did fall for her. We both got out of tough relationships in the winter. I was over my ex and she had me convinced she was over hers. She wouldn't accept his calls, threw away the pictures, etc. Very cold to him. Summer came and she cried in my arms before leaving since we would be 5 hours apart for the summer.

She gets home and gets bombared by the ex. He tries to kiss her at some party and she pushes him away and he starts calling her names. She calls and I help her. I recommend that she not go to parties where he is at. She views this as me controlling her. Things eventually fell apart and we've been broken up for about a month.

I found out last week that she went to the beach with her ex one day and they are "talking". I don't know... From what I've seen from her actions and what she has told me, she is not interested in dating him. She had me under the impression that she just wanted to be alone and get over him so she could come back to me... maybe she is just trying to see if that's dead? I don't know.. But I heard this information through 2 different people so it may have been misconstrued.

Recently, she has messaged me on Saturday asking me about my summer(We hadn't talked in 2 weeks)... I responded to the email on Monday and she immediately texts me on Monday asking about my summer, what I had been up to, etc... And even today, she texts me saying "Guess what I got for a grade in my summer class?".. When I didn't answer right away since I was on the phone, she called me about 5 minutes later while I was still on the phone. I called her back later on and we spoke for about 10 minutes. The conversation was kept light and without talking about the relationship. She was flirting with me at times during the conversation and jokingly poking fun at times. Reminded me of how she used to be. Since the breakup, I've led her do all the contacting and chasing. I'm letting her lead.

What do you think of the situation? School is 7 weeks away.

[ylaira]

Yes. But this time you should have learned the lesson, DON'T MOVE REAL FAST.

[hjpan]

Long story short: Dated a girl at college for 2 months before summer started. We moved really fast and I did fall for her. We both got out of tough relationships in the winter. I was over my ex and she had me convinced she was over hers. She wouldn't accept his calls, threw away the pictures, etc. Very cold to him. Summer came and she cried in my arms before leaving since we would be 5 hours apart for the summer.

Awww.... how sad =/.. Good start for a new relationship

She gets home and gets bombared by the ex. He tries to kiss her at some party and she pushes him away and he starts calling her names. She calls and I help her. I recommend that she not go to parties where he is at. She views this as me controlling her. Things eventually fell apart and we've been broken up for about a month.

It's her fault, not yours. You were HELPING...

I found out last week that she went to the beach with her ex one day and they are
"talking". I don't know...From what I've seen from her actions and what she has told me, she is not interested in dating him. She had me under the impression that she just wanted to be alone and get over him so she could come back to me...maybe she is just trying to see if that's dead? I dont know..But I heard this information through 2 different people so it may have been misconstrued.

Confrontations work. But, have a mutual friend get the info.

Recently, she has messaged me on Saturday asking me about my summer(We hadn't talked in 2 weeks)...I responded to the email on Monday and she immediately texts me on Monday asking about my summer, what I had been up to, etc....And even today, she texts me saying "Guess what I got for a grade in my summer class?"..When I didn't answer right away since I was on the phone, she called me about 5 minutes later while I was still on the phone. I called her back later on and we spoke for about 10 minutes. The conversation was kept light and without talking about the relationship. She was flirting with me at times during the conversation and jokingly poking fun at times. Reminded me of how she used to be. Since the breakup, I've led her do all the contacting and chasing. I'm letting her lead.

You are basically her rebound. I am not kidding. By her flirtatious actions, you're just a handy man...

What do you think of the situation? School is 7 weeks away.

Just be her friend and find someone else for right now.

[thekid55]

Well, it is summer time and I am enjoying myself. I'm 19 and enjoying my summer before college starts up again in about 6 weeks.

During my spring semester, I dated this girl for a few months. We became extremely close. We spent a lot of time together and had sex often. Our relationship was pretty deep on the emotional level even after a few months of dating.

We both got out of 1+ year relationships in the winter time. Summer comes and we are forced to be about 5 hours apart for the summer. The long distance between her and I was working out since we talked often and kept the relationship fresh.

Back in her hometown, her ex had been bombarding her at parties, fights had happened between him and her since he wants to get back with her and she wants to be friends. This problems continued for a few weeks and got to the point where I told her that I just couldn't talk about them anymore and she needed to make some changes. Our relationship basically fell apart after this and we stopped talking on a regular basis. This was at the middle of June.

I have decided to lay off her and let her come and contact me. Our contact has been sporadic in the last month and a half, but she has called me 5-6 times to catch up and texted me a bunch of times. She has been trying to keep in contact... no relationship talk between her and I however.

I heard through a mutual friend that she hung out with her crazy ex one weekend and he has had these away messages in the past that have said "Trying to get the only thing back that means something to me"... to last night when he had, "I love you"... hers have been generic away messages and nothing of that sort.

While I'm not going to come out and ask her about it since it's none of my business, it does surprise me with what has been said about her and the ex. Obviously, I have feelings for her... school is 6 weeks away.. I have been going out on casual dates with other girls and have even hooked up with a few so I'm not dwelling on this... what do you think I should do? And can you access the situation?

[hjpan]

Tell her to get her head out of the sandbox and start straightening up or you'll leave her in the dust.

Sounds like a wuss ex girlfriend... if she didn't give a fuq about your choice, she's not worth it.

My ex felt uncomfortable cause I had/have a lot of friends who are girls...
I told her that she has a lot of guy friends so it's mutual..

What to tell her?
"You know what? I think you're really immature. You want to jeopardize OUR relationship for a fake friendship which you know it won't last. Your ex bombards you with his idea; you argue back to be friends. Look at this... the mess is STILL THERE. You haven't done a thing; your ex hasn't do a thing. What does this tell me? You're unable to grow up and be responsible."

Seriously, she could've told him to fuq off.... but noo~ she needs to bring the drama... *sigh*