[nelsta78]

Ok well I was with a girl for over a year and a half.
And although there was niggles in the relationship we were fine.
Then work moved her to a different branch which is a good hour and a half bus ride to get to and from, so when she starts at 8 she has to be up at 6 and then she doesn't get home till gone 7.Other times she starts in the afternoon but doesn't finish till 10 and is home just before midnight.And she only gets one day off a week.

Then 3 week ago she got in some trouble at work, and her area manager seems to have it in for her.She's a hard working girl and prides herself in her job but the area manager is always reprimanding her and telling her that what she does isn't good enough.

And that was it suddenly those little niggles got to her big time and she said she suddenly doesn't know what she wants anymore.But we both refused to finish it.

So she still phoned me all the time (but never replyed to my txt's) and seemed to begrudge saying she loved me.We still meet up on fridays for a drink/summat to eat.But at the end of the night there was no kiss or affection from her at all.And went back to our own homes.

This went on for 2 week until on Friday, She told me she was happy with how things are going.I said I wasn't because it's more like we are friends and I'm not getting the affection I require, She said that she can't give me any because with all the stress she's having at work and because she's tired all the time that she can't think of anything else other than work.

So I suggested that we finish it and see if we can stay friends, it was the last thing I wanted to do but it seems she doesn't need a boyfriend she just needs a friend.So I had to do the right thing by her.
The next day we txt'd each other a few times.Then I txt'd her just letting her know why I finished it and that when she decieds she is ready for a boyfriend and if she thought she'd like it to be me then the door will be open for her.
She text me back straight away saying that it might just be a break that she needs.I said maybe you need time to miss me lets see how the week goes.Then she asked if I want to go for something to eat with her on Friday.

My question is how should I handle this now?
Should I avoid her calls and txt's for a few days?
Or should I stay friendly and run the risk of the friend zone?

[JBeaucaire]

The friend zone isn't a risk. Whether you like it or not, you DO have to be her friend, even if you're her boyfriend, too.

If things are going badly for her, pressuring her for your needs (understandable, I know) is just bad form. The more you care about someone, the more you're able to put their needs ahead of your own.

So, if the friend zone is all you get... take it. Make the most of it. Be sweet caring and open and listening, be her shoulder to cry on, her confidant, and when she realizes how much you do/care for her, then perhaps SHE will open the door again to boyfriend.

The friend zone is also a safe zone that keeps you from getting pushed out completely. Use it wisely.

There are no guarantees here, she may not get her act together any time soon. Friend zone not only keeps you in the game with her, it gives you permission to be open to other opportunities life presents you in the dating world. Remember to be open to them.

[sokay]

Geez, the going gets tough for her at work, and you bail. Sorry but that's not cool. Not at all. I've been in situations in the past where I had stressful work situations, and it puts you in 'survival mode'. All you can think about is the crap you have to deal with and how you're going to keep yourself employed long term so you can keep a roof over your head. Did you offer to help her? But even if you did, the bailing part probably negated it. Sorry probably not what you wanted to hear, but until you've been there you can't really understand it can be very traumatic.

[N0help4u]

I can't understand why the going getting rough for her at work would want her to lessen your relationship... if anything I would think she would want to turn more to you for moral and emotional support. Since it seems out of the question to be her boyfriend right now I would tell her that it is too hard for you to adjust to going from loving her to just friends so you just can't bring yourself to go out Friday night but keep communication open with her and keep letting her know that she can let you know at anytime that you would gladly get back into a relationship with her.

[nelsta78]

Just to update.
We are still on the "break" and we have been getting on really well, she still phones me a few times a day i.e. in the morning, before, during and after work, and at night time.
And Friday gone we spent the hole day together and at the end of the day we said our goodbyes I went to the pub, she went home.Then she text me saying she had a really good day.I did the same and told her I didn't want it to end.She said it's a shame I went to the pub cause she would've come round to my house for a drink as she didn't want the day to end either.But we both decided as she was at home an I was out that we'll do it another time.
Then the next day my ex phones me an tells me she's heard about me and current girlfriend, and that she's single and would like to meet up for a drink, So stupidly I ask my current girlfriend if she minds if I meet up with her, She didn't take it to well.Now she's cancelled meeting up this Friday so she can out with her mates.

I don't know.. 1 step forward... 20 huge jumps back

[shanek1979]

I think you should have been more supportive at your first post. I understand your frustrationsat not getting the attention you needed, I honestly do, but in a relationship sometimes those things come and go, you may be the one up and she may be down, or vice versa. The point is in a relationship if one is not doing great the other is there for them.

You should have been her BEST friend, even while she wasn't being affectionate to you.

From here I would say, fair play to you for still being there though. Your move with the ex ex was a bit silly.

So. Its make a choice time :) 1. do you want the ex, or the ex ex? 2. if you chose the ex ex, then I would suggest breaking contact with your ex as otherwise you will hurt her more. BUT EXPLAIN IT TO HER FIRST, don't be a coward and run away. If you choose you want you ex back you need to think about if/ how you can help her through her work problems. If you stand by her, andif you are paitent and considerate, I think once she has her problems sorted and feels a bit better about herself, then she will repair you support by being there for you.

Remember that's what being in a relationship is about, having someone always there to hold you when your weak.

All the best

S

[nelsta78]

No I'll never get back with ex ex, She treated me like crap and made me rally miserable.
But on that same note my current is being disant and off despite me bending over backwards for her.. at times it doesn't feel like its enough and I'm starting to resent her a bit, and the ex ex is suddenly all friendly an telling me she's changed and what not, it's a real roles reversd, but I do love the current girl and think she's worth everything I'm feeling.

And as for the I should have been supportive thing... I tried that and said OK I'll step back and wait for you until you feel ready, she said she couldn't do that as it wasn't fair on me, and on top of her stress at work she was feeling guilty and even more stress for neglegting me.I finished her for her.. Cause she didn't need a boyfriend she needed a friend.But she didn't want that... it was her that wanted the break.

[shanek1979]

I apolosgise for my misunderstanding there nelsta, I wast really judging you "not being there" etc as its human nature and something I have done myself.

You try to help and when you can't you think sod it. But yes, not applicable here.

Your ex ex may have changed.. but if you love your ex then that's what you should work on, put your own well being to the back burner for a while ( not to the point where it destroys you tho) and carry on as a friend to your ex. Explain to her that you love her and support her and when she says she feels guilty or you deserve better just tell her its your choice to be there for her and you want to be. Also let her know that if she truly wants you to leave you will but that is not at all what you want, you need to try and give her the choice... without giving her too much choice if you get me. Thing is with so many complications in her life she may feel that a relationship is just another potential problem waiting to happen. I think if you truly want her you will just have to wait and give her the time.

FYI on a personal note I do respect you for not just saying F**k it and hopping in the sack with the ex ex because its an easier option.

Stick in there chap

All the best

S

[zachs0029]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 18 months. Recently she has been complaining that I'm controlling and I don't let her be herself. She likes to sneak out and do bad things however, I forbid her from doing that. So just yesterday she broke up with me. We have broken up before but it was only for a day or two. I love her so much that I am willing to put up with anything. But this time its different. She is so serious and she doesn't want me anymore. She doesn't want to talk to me, she doesn't want to hangout with me and she can't tell me if she loves me anymore. She says there is a chance we may get back together. But for now we are broken up and she isn't promising anything. She wants to be free and if she so happens to be with another man or flirt, than its not cheating and she is single so she can do what she wants. I feel though since she can't tell me no. to me asking if she loves me. Than I think that her possibly seeing another man still counts as cheating even though we are broken up. I just want her to love me again. I miss her so much. I'm depressed. I feel so alone. I have nobody. She wasn't only my girlfriend. But she was my best friend. We were so close. So alike. We loved each other so much. I just want things to go back to normal. I want her to love me and be loyal to me. I just want to be with her. I love her so much and I can't do this without her. I'm so alone and at times I want to kill myself. I need her. What should I do.