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bobi · Jun 29, 2008, 09:31 PM

We just found out my 10 yr old grandson is not my sons child what do we do now they his mom and my son separated and we just did the dna for 10 yrs we were used by the mom for everything, what is next what do we do ?how do we tell him? I know she will and it won't be done right

WVHiflyer · Jun 29, 2008, 09:58 PM

Until the boy is told you are not biologically related, to him, you are still his grandparents in his eyes. I personally see no reason for that relationship to change. The only consideration is legal - if your son and wife divorce, will you have visitation rights. The boy has been your family for all of his 10 yrs. Why should the fact he's not a genetic offspring change that? I urge you to not broach the subject with him, but let him bring it up. If he does, let him know he's still your grandson. Unless you think 'family' only consists of biological links...

bobi · Jun 30, 2008, 06:35 AM

Well its messy as they were never married they lived together 10 yrs with this chid my son was the sole support in every way for both she met someone else and curbed my son she is keeping the child from us and does not want child support due to needing the dna test for insurance and legal purposes well reason was,, the test was negative , we don't want things to change but I'm sure they will , it's a rough situation here we have the results here and were going to an attorney to see if we all have any rights to this child, love doesn't have dna you know

ScottGem · Jun 30, 2008, 06:42 AM

This is a legal issue not a child rearing issue so I moved this to Family Law.

The question is whether your son is on the birth certificate. If he is, then he legally acknowledged paternity. In many states, he is the legal father despite DNA issues. As such he has all the rights of the bio father. So the mother may have NO right to keep the child from him. He may, in fact be able to get primary custody.

But he NEEDS an attorney, one specializing in Family Law. He needs to file a petititon for at least Joint Custody immediately.

bobi · Jun 30, 2008, 06:46 AM

Were in sw pa and we are seeing an attorney ,I'm sure that my son and I will be not aloud to see him once she has to go through the embarrassment of what she's done sad thing is this chaild has a father someplace that doesn't know he exists and he may have family ,its just a sad situation for a woman to use people like this so many are being hurt by this
At one point my son feels he could walk away ,this is the anger talking ,but I really feel she's going to be so mad and embarrassed over this that we will never see him again and yes she named my son as the father this feels like a maury show moment

ScottGem · Jun 30, 2008, 06:55 AM

Your son has a choice to make. He CAN walk away. However, if her new relationship fails and she has to go on public assistance, then your son will be held responsible as the legal father (I assume you were saying he is on the birth certificate when you said she named him).

But I think your son needs to do some soul searching here. His son (yes he is HIS son, he's the legal father, but more importantly he raised him for 10 years, that makes him his son) is not to blame here. Whatever his feelings for the mother, they shouldn't be taken out against HIS son.

Again, since he is the legal father, then he has rights. The mother will NOT be able to legally keep him (and you) from his son. The courts will allow him visitation at the least. She will have to defy a court order to prevent it.