[cidadael]

My 5 year old son has a 14 year old brother from his father's side and my new boyfriend doesn't think he should have to be around when I do things with my son and his brother.

I live together with my boyfriend and my son. I want my son to have a relationship with his older brother even though he doesn't have a relationship with his father, and I think that if my boyfriend cares enough about me and my son I don't see why he wouldn't want to be around when we do things together. He acts so childish and barely talks to the other boy.

What are your thoughts?

[nwsflash]

I think it would be a great idear if you sat down and talked to your new boyfriend and lay your cards out on the table be 100% honest about your feelings and the way you want things to be... He needs to understand if he wants to be with you then he has to deal with the fact that you have a son and he has a brother and you want to keep them in contact... I think it is very good that you are doing this for the boys... I'm just very sad to read that the father is not in the life of the older boy!! Is he there for your son? I would also confront him about the way he acts!!

[cidadael]

Yeah the father is not in either of the boy's lives. He moved out of country 3 years ago. He only calls to bother the heck out of me.

My new boyfriend just feels really threatened by my the relationship I had with my ex husband and he just feels that being around the 'ex husband's other child' makes him look stupid. It is absolutely ridiculous, and I will not tolerate the immaturity. I'm just not sure how I can explain what is so basic to me to a big grown man.

[imlex]

Fi this is the way your boyfriend has been shown to deal with relationships when they end it is down to you to show him that there is another,happier way, it may take some time and as the brother is at an age where it isn't easy for the two of them to bond,this will also be down to you, he can accept all of you and your responsibility to your son(s),he needs to see that when there are break-ups they don't have to be unhealthy, to admit his way is wrong may not be his cup of tea but if that is the price of the two of you being together he has to try, be honest with him,show support,include him,allow them space but keep an eye on them,some men are just like this and it sometimes it is like rewriting the rule book on step parenting, you have don't the right thing and still try to do the right thing,he doesn't have to be singled out if he justs tries to accept that some people can continue without the animosity.