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losingit77 · Jun 27, 2008, 03:52 PM

Just got back in to the dating scene after a 4 year relationship and I really don't know how to do this. How long should he be chasing me? And how long until I should be making the initiatives with dates, calling, etc. I don't want to be to pushy.

So, I started seeing this guy about 6 weeks ago. From the beginning, he was doing the chasing. Texting me every day, calling at least 2x a week, and he was always the one to ask to see me again. He would always ask to set up the next date during the current date. He cooked me dinner twice, we've been to a couple of movies, gone out to dinner a couple of times, etc. All in all, we've gone out about 7 dates.

The last time we saw each other was this past Sunday. This week he hasn't called me. Yes, he has texted me a couple of times every day but I got to say, I HATE text messaging. I do respond to every single one though but I find it to be the lowest form of communication. He loves it! He does it with everyone.

So this week, he hasn't called and hadn't asked me to do anything. Then yesterday, he asked if we could "hang out" today... via TEXT. I had plans already anyway so I told him about my plans and I couldn't do it. Now, he hasn't tried to make plans for another date. He did text me today to see how my day was but that was it.

So, I'm thinking either (a) he's lost interest but is just keeping me around in case, (b) is completely oblivious and doesn't see anything wrong, (c) is totally fine and I'm just making too big a deal about this.

What should I do? I think if you want to get to know me you should call and we should talk like human beings. I want to tell him how I feel but I also don't want to scare him off and seem like a psycho. Should I just start not responding to his texts and see what happens? And maybe in a couple of days call him and express to him what I'm feeling?

I probably already know the answer to this but want some unbiased opinions. Am I crazy? Is texting not the most impersonal thing ever?? If you like me, I think you should call me! Is that too much to ask?

ylaira · Jun 27, 2008, 04:01 PM

Do you like him? Are you ready to jump in a new relationship?

losingit77 · Jun 27, 2008, 04:06 PM

I like him. What I know of him so far. I'd like for us to get to know each other more, yes definitely. I don't want to jump into anything. At the same time, I don't want to waste my time on someone who's just looking for purely casual relationships.

I'm just feeling like he's suddenly not trying to get to know me anymore. The first 4 weeks he seemed very genuinely interested in "chasing" me. Now I feel like that's completely dwindled. You can't get to know someone via text message! Anyway, its only been a week and I'm probably just overreacting and overthinking it.

I don't know if I should just back off or if this is the point where I'm supposed to be making a move and taking initiative. I just don't want to seem like a b*tch by not replying to texts but I also don't want to continue like this.

N0help4u · Jun 27, 2008, 04:07 PM

Sometime instead of texting back call him. I don't think there is any txting rule that says return reply can not be a call. I also say if they are chasing you you must be running slow down a bit and let him see you are somewhat rather interested.

losingit77 · Jun 27, 2008, 04:12 PM

I should mention the past 2 dates we've had sex, spent the night together, and gone out for breakfast the next morning. I guess if I sleep with you its assumed that I'm interested in you. : )

ylaira · Jun 27, 2008, 05:09 PM

Im not a guy but I heard that when u would like to make an impression ur after serious relationship, having sex in just a couple of dates is questionable. U can show interest in other ways but not in bed. Guys can sense it and they have different style of pursuing, it may not be what ur looking for but its their style. What are you looking for in his chase BTW?

losingit77 · Jun 27, 2008, 06:05 PM

I had all my guy friends telling me that guys expect sex on the 3rd date. So I waited until the 6th date. I guess at the base of it, that's really what I'm feeling. Like maybe I did it before I was actually ready and clear about what I was looking for/wanted. But from the beginning, he was the one saying that he wanted a relationship/girlfriend and even told his family and friends about me, etc.

He just texted me again. Agh! So, now we're supposed to go out on Sunday. I'm just going to give to him straight about how I feel and see what happens. Its early enough to really not care which way it goes (ie. Whether we continue to see each other is not a huge deal at this point). But I'd rather just be upfront from the beginning than continue something that may not be exactly what I want. We live, we learn.

brkfstatiffs · Jun 28, 2008, 12:33 PM

Originally Posted by losingit77

Just got back in to the dating scene after a 4 year relationship and I really don't know how to do this. How long should he be chasing me? And how long until I should be making the initiatives with dates, calling, etc.? I don't want to be to pushy.

So, I started seeing this guy about 6 weeks ago. From the beginning, he was doing the chasing. Texting me every day, calling atleast 2x a week, and he was always the one to ask to see me again. He would always ask to set up the next date during the current date. He cooked me dinner twice, we've been to a couple of movies, gone out to dinner a couple of times, etc. All in all, we've gone out about 7 dates.

The last time we saw each other was this past Sunday. This week he hasn't called me. Yes, he has texted me a couple of times every day but I gotta say, I HATE text messaging. I do respond to every single one though but I find it to be the lowest form of communication. He loves it! He does it with everyone.

So this week, he hasn't called and hadn't asked me to do anything. Then yesterday, he asked if we could "hang out" today...via TEXT. I had plans already anyway so I told him about my plans and I couldn't do it. Now, he hasn't tried to make plans for another date. He did text me today to see how my day was but that was it.

So, I'm thinking either (a) he's lost interest but is just keeping me around in case, (b) is completely oblivious and doesn't see anything wrong, (c) is totally fine and I'm just making too big a deal about this.

What should i do? I think if you want to get to know me you should call and we should talk like human beings. I want to tell him how I feel but I also don't want to scare him off and seem like a psycho. Should I just start not responding to his texts and see what happens? And maybe in a couple of days call him and express to him what i'm feeling?

I probably already know the answer to this but want some unbiased opinions. Am i crazy? Is texting not the most impersonal thing ever??? If you like me, I think you should call me!! Is that too much to ask?

Wow sounds almost identical to my situation. But the answer is, yes, stop answering his text messages and see if he will pick up the phone to call you. I promise you, if he is really interested he will. He will pick up he clues on his own by you not texting back, and if when he does call, don't answer. You have to keep up the chase with him, it's only been 7 dates you said.

brkfstatiffs · Jun 28, 2008, 12:41 PM

p.s. he has stopped being so initiative, most likely because he feels he caught you already and has you in his back pocket so to say. Take a step back from him, and honestly I wouldn't express any "feelings" towards him yet he needs to initiate that. You can however bring up the text messaging, but I think it will be a lot more powerful if you just ignore the messages. I did that to the guy I have been dating, and he jumped to the phone to call me.