[Sadierose]

A few years ago when my ex-husband and I divorced the judge ordered my ex-husband no visitation with our son, and he (ex) has made little to no effort to maintain contact with my son. I have only received a handfull of child support payments, he owes around 5,000. Recently he has decided he wants to be a parent again. I understand the need for this. I understand that no matter whom he is they have a right to see one another.However-my ex-husband is an extremely mentally unstable person, and unless he's changed he has a significant drug problem, as well as being mentally abusive. I have some proof of this, but I wish I had more. He also says he wants my son to visit him (he now lives 3000 miles away-my son and I still live in the same county that the divorce took place). He's making a lot of demands and I am scared and worried for my sons safety, I don't feel he would be safe, and I know he would be scared. So, basically my question is-if the judge orders supervised visitaion-how long will that last and what efforts might the courts make to ensuer the safety of my son. Thank you in advance!!

[Fr_Chuck]

Most supervised visits are for a few hours and would not be 3000 miles away so he would have to travel to your location for limited visits.
Also at this point, he has to ask for the visits in court and you can still ask for no visits to remain,

[Sadierose]

Thank you for responding to me so quickly! One last question-would he have to pay to come out here? What if he crys too poor to the court?

[Fr_Chuck]

Let him cry, you should have an attorney for sure for this, your attorney explains then she should not have moved away from where his child lives, it is not your fault.

[mihaelah]

My husband had been abusive with me and the children caused by his mental illness (bipolar disorder) and ADD. He filed for divorce and asked for 50/50 custody, however, because I had documentations (journal writings, letters to him, e-mails to his doctors about his abuse) the judge ordered supervised visits for him 2 hours at a time twice a week. It's been now one year and a half, we've been through four court custody mediations and one court evaluation, and he is still on supervised visits because he has not shown stability.

Because his income is much lower than mine, the court ordered that I split with him the cost of the supervisied visits, which are not cheap. Also, I have to drive the childred to a place 45 minutes away from hour house for the supervised visit - with gas being the way it is, it's costing me quite a bit. This is in California.

Try to find all the documentation you can, even witnesses if you have any to justify mental instability causing abuse to the child, request that the court order a psychological evaluation on him, and be adamant about no contact with the child since no significant changes have happened since the last court decision.

[Indianadad]

I've just read this post and one of the most frustrating things I've noticed in all of these postings is how one sided they always are.

I am a father whose ex wife used the same reasons to keep me away from my kids, however, the one thing that was different is that she was the one how hit me and pled guilty to beating me with my seeing eye cane in front of the kids.

Now, with this said, I understand that there are differences in every situation and that it's unfair to group all situations together, but, what I don't understand is:

1 If you married him and had children in him, then at some point you thought he was a "good guy", so what changed?

2 If he isn't really as good as you thought he was originally, then why ask for financial support if you are asking the court to prevent visitation. If he's not good enough to be around his child, then why ask for his money?

3 Instead of creating a situation where there isn't one, or using hurt feelings to aggrivate a situation, why not give the father the benefit of the doubt and let him have time with his kids, after all, half of the kid is him?

4 I've been to many parenting classes and been through the whole show and dance because she said that I was the abuser, even though there's no evidence and most importantl it didn't happen, so with that said, If a marriage fails usually it's due to two people not getting along, not one person acting like the devil and one acting like the innnocent lamb. Why not come to terms with the fact that both did things that hurt one another and that this is no longer about him or you, but the kids?

Yeah I know I sound jaded, mean, hurtrfull, spiteful, angry, etc. etc. However, what I'm trying to point out is that in some shape way or form, daddy was a great guy to be around, so why not help with the situation instead of instillig fear in your life and the life of your kids, because if that's what's going on then you have already judged, and convicted him of being a POS... so why bother, right?

Take it for what it's worth. I am not sure if this post will be deleted, but, f anyone thinks it should or decides to delete it, first ask yourself why and if there's more oto it then, "He got me mad", or "This guy doesn't know what he's talking about", remember I'm on the other side of the fence and my ex is the aggressor who is the one lying, not me.

In short, let the kid or kids make the call, if dad really is bad, they will see it quicker than a judge and they will back you up, but if you keep them from their dad, they will resent you for it later in life. Look it up I'm not lying.

[AK lawyer]

I've just read this post and ...

And, once you climb down from your soap-box, please ask a real question, not a rhetorical one.