[goldenboy7115]

My girlfriend hasn't dated anyone for 5 years. She's real picky and raising a daughter of 5. I'm the first guy in a long time she could relate to. Yet she says she wants to cool things down for a while.. but she loves me and thinks I'm a great guy! Lately, things haven't been going so well for me personally. I'm between jobs and getting my life back in order from family ordeals involving parents. I've been a bit negative recently and ask to talk to her everyday. She says she can't take the heaviness and that I haven't been happy since our vacation together.. which was awesome by the way. Does she just want space? Or is she dumping me? She says she isn't but just thinks we shouldn't see each other for a while. What gives? I'm confused.:(

[ylaira]

She sees ur bothered and she's just giving u space so u wont turn to her for some fix. If u come back to her after "some time" and she doesn't respond pleased with u anymore then u can say she's dumping u. What did u do BTW why she thinks "ur not happy??

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Sounds like things are moving too quickly for her, or you are suffocating her, and she is trying to tell you to cool off. Give her her space.

[goldenboy7115]

I have been somewhat pushy when it comes to keeping contact with her. Our work schedules are terrible. We may see each other once or twice a week max. I asked why she couldn't keep in contact with me at least once a day? She says she's busy and spending free time with her daughter. When I do come over, time is limited, she says she needs to get to bed early enough. I guess she's stressed out too. I feel that my negativity is what pushed her to this, as I'm making progress with my personal life. She knows this. Should I let her alone and see if she comes back to me or is it over?

[goldenboy7115]

Maybe I have been suffocating her.. I text her and her daughter to go see fireworks on the 4th with me.. still no answer. Maybe she's just tired.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Or maybe she asked for space, and you are not giving it to her. Wait for her to get in contact with you.

[kp2171]

Give her some space.

As the father of a stepdaughter I know how a mother sometimes has to step back and see how things are going. Her child is her primary concern.

Give her the room.

That does not mean let her walk all over you. It doesn't mean be at her beck and call. And it doesn't mean she's dumping you... or not dumping you.

It means it can be more complicated when one person is responsible for the well being of a child.

So... unfortunately... all I can tell you is we don't know. We cannot tell you where she is. Maybe she's sensing this is about to go up a notch... maybe she's sensing it is not right long term. Only she can answer that.

If she is asking for some space.. give it to her... but don't be afraid of telling her you care for her and her child... but you aren't going to be at her beck and call forever. Its fine, even healthy, to take a step back and evaluate the relationship.

You want her to WANT to be with you, right? So give her some time to think it out.

Then be willing to ask her to step up or step back.

[ylaira]

Showing love doesnt always mean being around at all times. Sometimes giving space and just wait when ur presence is needed is hard but better.

[liz28]

I am a have a daughter and boyfriend. Sometimes I not able to call as much as I like, due to my schedule with work and child, but sometimes he don't get it. Sometimes by the time I get home I already be tired, then have to help with homework, cook, talk to my daughter about things that occur during her day, she takes a shower then I, we read the bible, watch a TV show, then bed. By the end of the day I'm tired mentally, but some nights I call him to at least say goodnite.

I beilive your girlfriend needs time maybe to iron things out. She might be unable to talk or see whenever but if she wants it to work she can still make an effort, but it might also be due to the things that's going on in your life and maybe she wants you to get though things in order. Take this time to do so and maybe this can make your stronger.

However, I don't see nothing wrong with you asking to take her out and think she could have at least responsed no or yes, but if she haven't then you got her answer. By her not calling means she was serious, and not to rain on your hopes on getting back together, but you should be prepare for the worst because sometimes people don't get back together after a break.

[goldenboy7115]

She knows how unhappy I've been recently and has commented that she adds to my stress.
She wrote and said that I was trying to make her feel guilty and was being manipulative. I didn't see this.. Maybe she thinks we are both too busy right now and my crowding her was making her feel uneasy? I appreciate all the advice. I think everyone has a valid opinion in this case. It might not be the end.. but has anyone ever been in this situation and it turned out well? Who knows?

[ChihuahuaMomma]

It sounds like she wants her spare time to spend with her daughter instead of pursuing a relationship. Her priorities are in the right place, and you should respect this and move on.

[talaniman]

Its real simple, you want what she doesn't have to give you, and stressing her out with your negativity, and are depressing her with your neediness. Of course she wants some space from you, and you should give it to her, and stop putting your problems into her lap. Solve them yourself. Work on changing that attitude, or you will be alone. If its not to late. Your looking for her to make you happy through some rough times and she can't. Love yourself enough to be happy yourself, and deal with your issues.

[goldenboy7115]

Do you think it's too late? My gut says to call her and find out after about a week or so, but shouldn't I just wait for her to get in touch with me? Good observation here and I'm working on things. I'm not asking her for anything except to stay in touch with me. Maybe she wants to see me happy first? I want to give her the space she wants, but the heart wants to do what it wants right?

[tami1985]

You should NOT call her now or in a week.

You already text her. Give her space, she will eventually text or call you back. I think she is feeling a lot of pressure right now, and may be getting scared away. If you give her space, it would relieve some of the pressure.

She does seem to care for you, just wait and be patient with her.

[talaniman]

Maybe she wants to see me happy first?
That would be a great bet. Thats something to work on, you being happy.
I want to give her the space she wants, but the heart wants to do what it wants right?
You must give her what she asked for , and don't just follow your heart, temper it with good common sense from the brain.

Give her space, and work on you being happy, so you can share it with her.
No one likes gloom, doom, and chaos, every time they see you. And know that no real mother ever puts their child second. You want stress that turns to hatred, ignore the needs of their child.

[goldenboy7115]

Maybe she wants to see me happy first?
That would be a great bet. Thats something to work on, you being happy.
I want to give her the space she wants, but the heart wants to do what it wants right?
You must give her what she asked for , and don't just follow your heart, temper it with good common sense from the brain.

Give her space, and work on you being happy, so you can share it with her.
No one likes gloom, doom, and chaos, every time they see you. And know that no real mother ever puts their child second. You want stress that turns to hatred, ignore the needs of their child.

There is a lot of truth in here.. I am a little anxious, today will be 2 weeks since I've personally seen her. I would like an answer to my invite for the 4th to see fireworks.. but I'll wait. I do care about her and her daughter.. never did I give her reason to believe otherwise. Just a bit curious as to what she is pondering?

[talaniman]

You'll just have to wait and see for the fourth, and respect whatever her wish is.