[MarleneD]

:confused: I decided to after a few weeks of headache, turn to this page again, since it helped me
So much last time (I listened to the advices). My have now a problem I cannot discuss with my female friends (they all get so upset with me; sometimes they are angry because how I look at things, but most often they are angry because I have this problem at all).

I was supposed to meet my dreamman after 1.5 years of correspondence. He lives on the Canary Islands. Finally, he decided to come (he came and left). Let's call him M. While waiting, I decided to start a chamber music group, and for the first time in my life started to play with a pianist, let's call him J. (Both J and M are researchers.) Since I was very relaxed about J and only had the intention to play (music) with him (we mostly play alone), we have a very good relation. Perhaps two weeks before M was supposed to come, our friendly relation started to intensify. We have some sort of connection when we play. I have never experienced this before, and we are really good friends, play until midnight often, but mostly we laugh away all time (we cannot be serious when alone). He started to send me messages everyday, and d***, I started to like him! He has fire in his eyes (even though both of us are quite shy)... I hold him so dear. And I confess, I am very attracted to him. But we are not dating, just playing chamber music (also with our quartet).

But then M arrived. He turned out to be my dreamman... he is the first man that I ever have enjoyed kissing. He is very noble in his manner, wonderful, respectful... beautiful, handsome, interesting, calm, relaxing... Simply the man I have waited for 23 years. J got very jealous at M (he started to search information on him, read his papers, etc), and I tried to inform J that I "might get involved" with M. After his reaction, I started to deny this... Now M has returned to the Canary Islands (I have only kissed him) and is waiting for me to visit him. J is not fully aware of what is going on between me and M, but probably guessing.

So my problem is the following: I am completely split between these two men. By theory, I know both are attracted to me because there is a second man involved. (Male intuition.)
Yet, I cannot play with these two men, since it is insincere of me. Somehow, I must make some choice... but how to do it, without regretting it afterwards?

If I follow "my heart", I am so deeply devoted to the pianist. Yes, I am crazy about him.
And I feel he likes me very much too. If I go to the C Islands, I do not know how he will react. He is not liking it very much. And mostly, it is our music that we make, that creates me. It gives me energy, happiness, is my life source. I appreciate him both as a man, and as a friend.

But also, if I decide not to go to the C Islands, I will always in my head, long for M. Even if my feelings are not equally strong for him yet, it feels like an unfinished chapter. (And I really want to travel there, I have been wishing to visit their university for so long.) And somehow it feels like we were meant for each other... (me and M)

I am really confused. I have become a player, without wishing to be so. How can I solve this situation in the absolutely smartest way? I am torned between my dreamman and a young man I had no intention to get a crush on, and never though would get a crush on me either...
:confused:

I am not an extroverted girl. I do not know why I always attract men so much... my female friends hate me for this. (Especially, because I do not care about fashion, makeup, are quite geeky and shy... )

[talaniman]

First off dear, please get over yourself and that flair for the dramatic, as we both know you intentionally led these fellows on ,for whatever reason (probably attention) and now you sit and wonder which way to go. Give me a break, as its obvious you love the games you play, if you didn't you wouldn't be inviting us to choose which way your heart is blowing.

Let me know when you want to visit the real world, of real people, with real problems. And my advice, before you get all offended, is to get over yourself!!!!

[MarleneD]

I did not do it intentionally at all. As I said, I only was counting on the Canary Island- guy.

What you are accusing me for, is then that I led the pianist on. Yes, but it was not because of any interest as a man, only because I am very passionated about music. It is like a drug for me... I cannot explain what I feel for the music. And this was probably misinterpreted...

But I did not do it intentionally. If I had done it, I would not have cared about the results. But I do. I do not like playing games. The title for the question I chose, due to shame.
Not because I like it.

Yes, you are right. There are real problems out there, and mine is unserious. But I was not aware of that this site only was constructed for them...

I just wanted some advice for this issue.

[talaniman]

I just wanted some advice for this issue.

All due respect, but that's exactly what I gave you, by getting over yourself and start being real with you and the people around you yo can recognize the part you play in this drama you have created and if your not happy with it at leat you can take full responsibility for the part you played and take the proper actions to prevent it from happening. I take everyone problems seriously, but that doesn't mean the message gets sugar-coated at all. Nor expect me not to tell the truth as I see it, and that would be your own actions being at the root of this issue.

I am not an extroverted girl. I do not know why I always attract men so much... my female friends hate me for this. (Especially, because I do not care about fashion, makeup, are quite geeky and shy... )

Does this sound like shame to you, me either. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but nowhere in your post was there shame, or remorse. So the answer to your post was to look no further than yourself, and you'll have your answer.

[westnlas]

Jeeze, you're 23!! Man it might be best to look at quite a few guys before deciding who you want to "fall in love" with. There are about 3 billion males on earth and you have 2 to choose from. One that you've known on-line and only kissed? The other that plays an instrument with you? I really think you should get out a bit more. This drama is all so exciting, but is it going in the direction you need it to ? How did Mr J become aware of Mr M unless you told him ? I feel that you are getting a kick out of the drama this has created, and it's OK. Just don't play it so hard that someone gets hurt. And someone always gets hurt. Don't lead men on that you are not wholly interested in.