[xMaverickx]

I dated this girl for 2.5 years, throughout most of high school and up to the summer before college which was last summer. We broke up around late July of 2007 and it affected me so bad that I had to drop out of college in September. Everything suffered, my school, my job, my physical and emotional status, my world was torn into a million pieces. It's so bad that since I have been single I have not gone on one date and I have not done anything with any girl, not even kiss. My self-esteem and confidence hit an all time low. We broke up because of several reasons including constant arguments, she didn't like how I talked down on her sometimes, I didn't like her constant wining, etc. In late August I found out that she started dating another guy, I thought it was a rebound but they are still dating right now! It was actually one month exactly after we broke up that they started dating, I still don't understand how that happened and why she is still with him. I always thought her dating this guy was just her way of dealing with it, because in reality she didn't want to face her problems. Instead of confronting it she ran away. Anyway, I just re-enrolled into college and I find that all of a sudden I can't stop thinking about her. I'm still, I guess you could say in love with her, but I don't know how she feels. When I here about how she is doing or by accident see her on Facebook, my heart starts racing. Im still very sad about the whole situation. I would do anything for this girl. So what should I do?

[Fr_Chuck]

Get some serious professional counseling, after a year you should be getting over her, not still living in a unreal idea of getting her back.
Dating esp in high school is to find out how to date, and what things are wrong and how not to do certain things, nromally you will be dating several different people. But you start by asking other girls out, if just for one date and going on some dates. And you don't go to someone's face book by "accident"

[bigbird213]

I understand that finding out that she is dating someone else must be hard on you. For this reason you need to stay away from all information that is realted to her and what she has been up to since you broke up.

I can understand that upsetting you like crazy when you first found out recently afterward - the problem here is that it has been almost a year and you are still stuck on this single fact. Fr Chuck might be right in his suggestion to get professional help if you feel that you can't pull yourself out of this.

In order to get yourself well again, you need to start building a life of your own that relies on nobody but yourself to make you happy. I am willing to bet that you centered your entire universe on this girl, and when she was gone, your world came crashing down.

That is a mistake that you made, and you need to learn to never make again.

Don't think about her and what she is doing, think about you and what you need to be doing. Think about your future, your schooling, and the future relationships you will be in. Don't sit and imagine that she is in the perfect relationship and you are stuck suffering. You have no idea if she is happy, miserable, and really you shouldn't know if she is with anyone at all...

Time has been trying to heal you, but your fighting it by going on Facebook and finding out information about her.

[talaniman]

So what should I do?

You should get some counseling to see the unhealthy way you coped with this break up!

[xMaverickx]

You should get some counseling to see the unhealthy way you coped with this break up!

Perhaps you could give some advice on how to reverse my thinking so I can cope with it in a healthy way

[talaniman]

Click on the links in my signature, and read the stickies here for some great suggestions, and insights, and let me know if it fits your situation.

Basically its about loving yourself, more than you love her. Its about healing, regrouping, and rebuilding your life that you enjoy without her in it. Its about getting yourself back. Read those stickies.

[xMaverickx]

Click on the links in my signature, and read the stickies here for some great suggestions, and insights, and let me know if it fits your situation.

Basically its about loving yourself, more than you love her. Its about healing, regrouping, and rebuilding your life that you enjoy without her in it. Its about getting yourself back. Read those stickies.

I was on this website awhile ago and I did read all of these posts and it did help for a little bit. As I said before its all of a sudden I can't stop thinking about her, I don't know what to do.

[talaniman]

You wait for the storm of emotion to pass and keep following the suggestions over and over again. There are no magic bullets to spare you the misery, and pain, but hard work, and time, work in your favor. So stay busy with the things you enjoy, to keep the focus on other things besides her.

[waystogetexback]

I dated this girl for 2.5 years, throughout most of highschool and up to the summer before college which was last summer. We broke up around late July of 2007 and it affected me so bad that I had to drop out of college in September. Everything suffered, my school, my job, my physical and emotional status, my world was torn into a million pieces. It's so bad that since I have been single I have not gone on one date and I have not done anything with any girl, not even kiss. My self-esteem and confidence hit an all time low. We broke up because of several reasons including constant arguments, she didnt like how I talked down on her sometimes, I didnt like her constant wining, etc. In late August I found out that she started dating another guy, I thought it was a rebound but they are still dating right now!! It was actually one month exactly after we broke up that they started dating, I still don't understand how that happened and why she is still with him. I always thought her dating this guy was just her way of dealing with it, because in reality she didnt want to face her problems. Instead of confronting it she ran away. Anyway, I just re-enrolled into college and I find that all of a sudden I can't stop thinking about her. I'm still, I guess you could say in love with her, but I don't know how she feels. When I here about how she is doing or by accident see her on facebook, my heart starts racing. Im still very sad about the whole situation. I would do anything for this girl. So what should I do??

It seems as if you need some closure, so why not call her and ask the question outright. Prepare yourself for any answer because you don't know what she will say. Ask her to meet you somewhere that there is a crowd of people so she does not feel uncomfortable. Don't sound desperate. She will not like to deal with that. Try to remain calm and just let her know that you had some questions that are bothering you and just want to get the answers and would love to meet with her at her convenience to see if you both could get that out the way and just be friends. Wouldn't you rather have her as a friend than nothing at all? If she sees your sincerity, who knows, it might intrigue her and give her second thoughts. I say go for it. Ask her. You have nothing else to lose.

[xMaverickx]

It seems as if you need some closure, so why not call her and ask the question outright. Prepare yourself for any answer because you don't know what she will say. Ask her to meet you somewhere that there is a crowd of people so she does not feel uncomfortable. Don't sound desperate. She will not like to deal with that. Try to remain calm and just let her know that you had some questions that are bothering you and just want to get the answers and would love to meet with her at her convenience to see if you both could get that out the way and just be friends. Wouldn't you rather have her as a friend than nothing at all? If she sees your sincerity, who knows, it might intrigue her and give her second thoughts. I say go for it. Ask her. You have nothing else to lose.

I think that would such an extreme and it would take a lot of guts, I don't know, I don't think she would even pick up the phone.

[waystogetexback]

Well, it sounds as if you meed some extreme measures to get some kind of closure. You should never assume what someone else would do. She may just surprise you. Call and leave a message or if she answers, tell her, you only want to speak to her quickly about how much you appreciate everything she has been to you and also to understand what went wrong in the relationship, so that you can be a better partner in the future. It could be a partner with her or a partner with someone else. You won't make any improvement in your own well being, if you don't take care of this now. If you don't then the next person who may come along will be at a disadvantage.

[talaniman]

Just curious, but what are you doing with your time and what ways have you tried to get on with your own life without her?? What has changed or happened to bring her back to your mind, as I doubt she has been there for a year??

[xMaverickx]

Just curious, but what are you doing with your time and what ways have you tried to get on with your own life without her?????? What has changed or happened to bring her back to your mind, as I doubt she has been there for a year?????

Ok this is what I have been doing since July of 2007, started college in August dropped out in September, lost my job in late October, sat around the house all day every day with nothing to do until late December. I felt so worthless and so horrible that nothing mattered to me. Those months from August to December were so painful emotionally that I actually lost weight to the point where it was unhealthy. My dad offered me a way out, so I moved in with him in early January, this was about 1000 miles away. I lived with him from January to early June. During this time I worked and joined a gym, since January I have not stopped working out and gained close to 25lbs. I have never been in better shape. I had the choice to go to college there or here, I chose to move back to go college, which I started last week. Now, you ask why she has came back into my mind, I think its because I'm back where all of our memories were, not too sure. I feel as though I can't get a girl as pretty as her, as smart, as funny or as sweet as she was before we broke up. I find it very difficuly being single.

[xMaverickx]

Well, it sounds as if you meed some extreme measures to get some kind of closure. You should never assume what someone else would do. She may just surprise you. Call and leave a message or if she answers, tell her, you only want to speak to her quickly about how much you appreciate everything she has been to you and also to understand what went wrong in the relationship, so that you can be a better partner in the future. It could be a partner with her or a partner with someone else. You won't make any improvement in your own well being, if you don't take care of this now. If you don't then the next person who may come along will be at a disadvantage.

Honestly, I'm scared. I'm scared of rejection, I don't want to get up set or regret doing it. I wouldn't know what to say to her, I would probably studder lol. It's something I have to really think about and then I need to ask myself, is it worth it after all I put myself through already.

[waystogetexback]

Fear is the enemy of love. If you fear that she will reject you, then that is what will happen. What if she does? At least you have done your part. You will never know until you do something about it or the other option is to stay in your misery. Which is it going to be?

[xMaverickx]

Fear is the enemy of love. If you fear that she will reject you, then that is what will happen. What if she does? At least you have done your part. You will never know until you do something about it or the other option is to stay in your misery. Which is it going to be?

I see your point. But, do you think it is worth after my ex has completely ignored since August. I mean she blocked me from Facebook, myspace, AIM and I did try to email her back in December telling her I was moving and she never responded. I have a very strong feeling that I will be wasting my time, but then again like you said what do I have to lose? Nothing really except a brief period of being upset.

[waystogetexback]

Sometimes persistence can pay off. At least you will know for sure and once and for all if you need to move on or not.

[talaniman]

You have another option also, and it doesn't include the ex at all. You can start right now, and regroup your life around activities that you enjoy, and make an effort to build friends, that you enjoy and take advantage of this new beginning. Its not closure you need, but some good honest action to build your confidence, and see how well you can adjust, and make the most of your own time, and ability. Get busy, and not down on yourself. Leave the ex alone, and learn to love yourself, and be responsible for your own happiness. Start planning, and then just do it.

That's how you move on, by not looking back!

[xMaverickx]

You have another option also, and it doesn't include the ex at all. You can start right now, and regroup your life around activities that you enjoy, and make an effort to build friends, that you enjoy and take advantage of this new beginning. Its not closure you need, but some good honest action to build your confidence, and see how well you can adjust, and make the most of your own time, and ability. Get busy, and not down on yourself. Leave the ex alone, and learn to love yourself, and be responsible for your own happiness. Start planning, and then just do it.

Thats how you move on, by not looking back!

That is actually very insightful and I'm going to follow that plan. I already have great friends, I'm back in college, I still need a job, but that will come. I think my first step in self-confidence would be to do well in school and to perform well at whatever job I get. I think if I keep this up then I will feel better and better about myself and then the rest will come to me.

[bigbird213]

I find it very difficuly being single.

I think that is the root of your problems right there.

You aren't comfortable with yourself the way you are -- single. You aren't happy with your life being single, and that is number one pre-requisite for being in a relationship. Relying on anyone but you to make you happy is a setup for failure...

Get busy, immerse yourself in being happy by yourself (the working out is a great start) and keep at it. Before you know it, you won't care if you have a girlfriend or not, it will be like a bonus.