[adriana111]

Feeling insecure!!

I've known this guy since I was like 17 yrs old. I dated him for 5 yrs until I was 22yrs old. I turned 22 and wanted to hit the bars solo. Broke up with him then 2 yrs later met back up. Dated for like a day and found out I was pregnant with someone else's baby. 2 months later left him again cuase all he kept talking about was some chick who he wanted to marry cause she was illegal here and wanted to help her out. But went on and on about how much she loved him and this and that. So, my pride was hurting and left him the second time. Well, 5 years later past by and coinsedently met up again. This time he was married to that chick he wanted to help out but tells me he nevered loved her. They didn't even live together but to me, he obviously really cared about her. But now that we are together again after 12 years of knowing each other he still wants contact her like every six months just to see how she's doing. Even though she has a boyfriend and lives with him. She even says she is in love with her new live in boyfriend. I say, why contact her at all? To be honest with you, I'm struggling with my pride here. But on the other hand, the time I wasn't with him, I thought about him and really wanted to be with him. He says he wants to marry me and start a family. He really expresses how much he always loved me, even his mom would stop by my house just to see how I was doing in relationships. What do I do? Oh, and we are both still married to our spouses but legally separated. How do I handle this? Why does he still want contact with her if he says they never got along except when they drank, or watch TV together, or be intimate.

[Fr_Chuck]

He wants to be able to have sex with other people while seeing you and having sex with you also. Sounds sort of simple to me, if after 12 years of being "off and on" this is another on time till the next off time.

Move on if you want a real long term relationship and stop going back to the same mistake over and over

[talaniman]

This time he was married to that chick he wanted to help out but tells me he nevered loved her.

So he has spent all those years with someone he doesn't care about just to be helpful??? You don't believe that do you????

They didn't even live together but he obviously really cared about her.

OBVIOUSLY, no matter what he tells you.

But now that we are together again after 12 years of knowing each other he still wants contact with her evry once ina while just to see how she's doing. I say, why contact her at all.

Because he still has a foot in that door, and he may be going back, just to check mind you. cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzz!

To be honest with you, I'm struggling with my pride here.

Of course you are as you know he is not into you as you are him, but you have settled, just to have someone.

But on the other hand, the time I wasn't with him, I thought about him and really wanted to be with him.

I'll bet you had other things in your life at the time that weren't that good so you built a what if world around him to escape from your reality.
What do I do?

Oh, and we are both still married to our spouses but legally separated.

The right thing to do for you both is to leave each other alone and resolve your marriages one way or another.
How do I handle this?

Why does he still want contact with her if he says she drove him insane the whole time.

Obviously thats not the whole truth, as his actions say different than his words. You just refuse to see that.

You both are just hooking up to feel better, because your not dealing with your real problems in a positive way. Its easier just to get together, and forget the misery and pain of your lives, or take any action to change it.