[Romefalls19]

I'm not sure if this is the right topic to put this but I have the most amount of friends on this portion of the site and can trust your guys advice... so here it goes

I have been dating this woman for over 2 weeks now officially but have been talking, seeing each other exclusively since March. I didn't make it official until I knew I was completely over my ex as I did not want to hurt her and I was honest and upfront about everything. My question involves her, she has 2 kids who are 5 and 3. I am meeting them for the first time tonight, at a park so it's a comfortable surrounding for kids as they can go and play and gradually get to know me I guess. My girlfriend and I have decided to introduce me as a friend of "mommy's" I was wondering what you guys thought of this idea? If there are any tips or ideas that you guys can give me they would appreciated. I have really fallen for this girl and everyone says we make a "cute couple"(she is 25)

Father is a chronic drug user, beat her and constantly made her feel like dirt. He is facing jail time and is not allowed to see the kids. (just FYI)

PLEASE, no judging like "you're too young for this" or "what are you thinking" not that I think you guys would but just to make sure... Thanks guys(and girls)

[starlite1]

Hi Rome,

Good for you!! I am so happy for you! Just be yourself! I don't have any kids, but from being around relatives that have kids, or friends of mine with small children, I actually talk to them about cartoons (I love cartoons! ), say what cool clothes they have, and just have fun! I may not be the best advise giver on this subject, but, I think by being yourself, and a little interaction (push them on the swings, etc), I think you will do great!!

[kp2171]

Be patient and yourself. You are in the really, really early stages of dating. "falling for her hard" doesn't mean that it's a right fit long term, or that it isn't a good fit. It takes time to understand the real details of the relationship after some of the "shine" wears off and if she's been in a very bad situation, you might seem like heaven on earth if you treat her well... again, that skews the situation. Doesn't mean you both can't be right for each other, but one partner doesn't "save" the other... understand I'm not saying that's what you are trying to do... and I'm not saying she's "damaged goods"... as I am husband to a woman I married who had a preteen daughter and a past with some rough spots. Sometimes great people end up in bad situations.

Completely appropriate to introduce you to the kids as mommy's friend.

Until its serious, meaning a commitment... no reason to complicate it further. The 3 year old won't likely understand what dating or boyfriend means... the 5 year old is old enough he can process the things he's told and hears and he can form questions on his own with childlike logic.

Its not hard to impress any young child. Get down on your knees and play. Get dirty. Make noise. Play like a child and you will be loved by a child. Its just not tough at this age. One of the best things about having young children is you rediscover your childhood, getting sand in your shoes, dirt in your hair, and silliness in your life.

[Ray2172]

From a kind of kid point of veiw (I'm 15) and knowing and hanging out with little cuz's. Just be friendly and smile (smiling always help and no creepy stranger smile I mean like your laughing kind of smile) you'll be fine, the park is the best place for that kind of interaction

[Romefalls19]

Starlite - I fully understand what you mean, my cousin has twins and I was playing with them all day Saturday and they didn't want to leave me lol. I was teaching them to blow up balloons and such. They want me to come babysit them and play with them again lol

KP - I see what you are saying as it is still the early stages in our relationship. She does say I treat her better than she ever has, but it's not me trying to "save" her n yes I do agree with great people being in bad situations. Thank you for the advice and input, that is not sarcastic either.

[liz28]

When my boyfriend meet my daughter for the first time, he was scared too because he thought she would not like him, but it turned out great. My daughter is 9 so we went to an arcade and dinner and when all had a blast. Like your girlfriend, I too introduce him as a friend and after she starting seeing him for a while, close to two years, she knew he was my boyfriend.

With kids you can be yourself and act like a kid yourself, they don't like grown-ups and bearly judge. When you are being phony or you don't like them, they can easily pick up on this and pull away. It don't sound the case here. Question, did her kids witness the abuse from the father? If that's the case the older child might remember, and if the younger saw it too, they might be cautious be being around you. Just be yourself!

[kp2171]

Yeah I know you aren't trying to save her... and that she might not take that angle at all... just was mentioning the fact that when one person, male or female, is treated really badly in a previous relationship, that can intensify the attraction early on before you get to the nuts and bolts of whether it'll all pan out.

My aunt was beaten and abused in her first marriage. Her next love became her next husband, now married 20 years. It didn't cloud her judgement. It didn't keep her from being an equal partner.

Mentioned that mostly again in terms of early attraction.

Good luck. Have fun.

[Romefalls19]

Thanks to both of you! Yea, they did witness the abuse, both of them. Not sure if the youngest will remember it. I am prepared for them to be iffy around me but I am just not going to rush things. She proposed dinner, but I thought a park would make the girls feel more comfortable because they can gradually talk to me n play. Then as we progress in the relationship we can move into more in depth getting to know each other. I am fully aware of the severity of this step in the relationship so I am not going into this meeting without first getting opinions from others. So thank you so much

[kp2171]

Well.. also understand they're kids. Its not a make or break meeting. Relax.

My wife's daughter was much older, preteen, and looking for a reason to fight with her mom. The girl hated me for over a year. My wife told me "shes a good girl. she has no reason to dislike you. shell come around"... she did, and now laughs about the magnetic hate poetry shed leave on the fridge "not my father. must die" and other silly things like that. She loves me dearly now.

If you like the woman, fine. Yes, getting involved with a person who has kids means dating a person who has a commitment to others before you... but seriously don't worry too much about the "severity of this step"...

You are just meeting, dating, and learning about each other.

And great choice on meeting at a park.

[Romefalls19]

Lol, yea you are right... Kind of funny about the magnetic poetry though. And I will probably end up relaxing, I will go to the park and play some hockey and relax before they get there

[talaniman]

My girlfriend and I have decided to introduce me as a friend of "mommy's"

Why not and have a ball. So this relationship is about 4 months old? Go slow and let it develop, but the kids have fun, hmmmm, so should the adults. So no pressure, just enjoy getting to know each other.

[Romefalls19]

Just a little update...


So we went out to the park yesterday around 6... At first they were hesitant but I took the advice of you guys and didn't rush anything. We took it slow and decided to go for a walk through the woods to the slides and stuff. The oldest,5, started to open up a little bit when I talked to her about what she did today, how she liked school and simple talk like that. The youngest took a little bit longer to open up but did by the time we got to the slides. The oldest wanted me to push her on the swing and go play on the playground with her, where were these things when I was a kid? While I was pushing her on the swing she asked if I wanted to go to Red Robin for dinner with them. So after we were leaving the park they were both talking and having fun with me around. Dinner went smooth as well with a lot of talking and coloring. They even asked her if she was married to me lol..

So like KP said, I just relaxed and everything went just fine and am now invited to go to a movie with them. So thanks to everyone's advice

Tal, yup that's exactly what I'm doing, taking things slowly, building the communication and trust foundation and getting to know each other.

[kp2171]

Great to hear how things went.

[starlite1]

Excellent Rome!

[N0help4u]

Sounds like it is all going good and smooth.
I am sure they realize you are mommy's friend by now. Next step when you are ready is mommy and Romefalls really care about each other.
It is good the way you are doing. I have seen sooooo many girls bring (as in move in) a guy home the week they met them and as soon as they 'bring' him in the door announce, "This is your new daddy". And most of the kids would get a new daddy at least 3 times a year.
New pair of shoes twice a year.

[Romefalls19]

Yea, that's why it was "mommy's friend" for now, then as we see each other more it will progress. We had one hug after we put them in the car seats, a friendly hug with no kissing or anything of that nature. I feel as though they will slowly get more and more comfortable but I will continue to take the situation slow as to not rush them or her or myself into anything.