[aglover21]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half now and here lately I've been SO confused as to whether he's the one that GOD has meant for me to spend the rest of my life with. What confuses me the most is this-->my father is white and my mother is hispanic, I grew up in a small country town, hung out with mostly white people and sort of basically became a good ol country girl... I used to always say that I would never marry/date a guy that was hispanic. My boyfriend is half hispanic and half white (acts more hispanic) and it's just different for me. I fell in love with him and I most of the time question whether he's the one I'm supposed to be with since I basically changed the type that I was dating. He fits in really good with my family and everyone really likes him. He treats me right and is very understanding of most things. About 10 months into our relationship I moved in with him and his parents because I couldn't stand living at home with my parents anymore because they did not like that I was staying with him on the weekends. At the time it was "okay" but still didn't fix all the stress I had going on from my parents and what not... Now 5 months later, I got an apartment with him and his sister and I still don't feel better about things. I feel like we spend WAY too much time together and it's sort of pushing me away from him. I don't know if all the stress of what I've been through also takes a part in that, but I'm questioning MORE and MORE of whether he's the one due to him being the only hispanic guy I've ever dated. I don't want to hurt him, nor do I want to waste his time. I don't understand why I have all these thoughts running around in my head when deep down I DO love him and can't see myself with anybody else. I can see myself having KIDS with him. My life is finally where I want it to be, I got the job I've been wanting, the apartment on my own (well sort of, out of my parents at least) and have become more independent except for some reason I just can't bring myself to enjoy it, be happy with what I've been blessed with and just live. I analyze everything WAY too much! I'm so confused and just want to hear that me and david are MEANT to be. I thought that right before I met him that I had found myself, but now I'm not so sure. When I met him I had JUST become okay with who I was (or what I thought I was) and was even okay being me and having fun. Then he came into my life, I got all these NEW feelings that I had never experienced before and now it's got me all messed up. Sometimes I feel like I should just be single again but I don't want to just give up. I feel like I should miss him all the time and that I should want him around all the time. I feel guilty when I want to just be alone... I should also add that I've NEVER been in a relationship before and don't know what is normal and what isn't and that's what's bringing me down... what does all of this mean??

[aglover21]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half now and here lately I've been SO confused as to whether he's the one that GOD has meant for me to spend the rest of my life with. What confuses me the most is this-->my father is white and my mother is hispanic, I grew up in a small country town, hung out with mostly white people and sort of basically became a good ol country girl... I used to always say that I would never marry/date a guy that was hispanic. My boyfriend is half hispanic and half white (acts more hispanic) and it's just different for me. I fell in love with him and I most of the time question whether he's the one I'm supposed to be with since I basically changed the type that I was dating. He fits in really good with my family and everyone really likes him. He treats me right and is very understanding of most things. About 10 months into our relationship I moved in with him and his parents because I couldn't stand living at home with my parents anymore because they did not like that I was staying with him on the weekends. At the time it was "okay" but still didn't fix all the stress I had going on from my parents and what not... Now 5 months later, I got an apartment with him and his sister and I still don't feel better about things. I feel like we spend WAY too much time together and it's sort of pushing me away from him. I don't know if all the stress of what I've been through also takes a part in that, but I'm questioning MORE and MORE of whether he's the one due to him being the only hispanic guy I've ever dated. I don't want to hurt him, nor do I want to waste his time. I don't understand why I have all these thoughts running around in my head when deep down I DO love him and can't see myself with anybody else. I can see myself having KIDS with him. My life is finally where I want it to be, I got the job I've been wanting, the apartment on my own (well sort of, out of my parents at least) and have become more independent except for some reason I just can't bring myself to enjoy it, be happy with what I've been blessed with and just live. I analyze everything WAY too much! I'm so confused and just want to hear that me and david are MEANT to be. I thought that right before I met him that I had found myself, but now I'm not so sure. When I met him I had JUST become okay with who I was (or what I thought I was) and was even okay being me and having fun. Then he came into my life, I got all these NEW feelings that I had never experienced before and now it's got me all messed up. Sometimes I feel like I should just be single again but I don't want to just give up. I feel like I should miss him all the time and that I should want him around all the time. I feel guilty when I want to just be alone... what does all of this mean?? Can someone who is a psychic explain to me what's going on?? I should also add that I've NEVER been in a relationship before and don't know what is normal and what isn't and that's what's bringing me down :confused:


But when you are in love, is it supposed to be that difficult?? Is a relationship supposed to be that HARD?

[JBeaucaire]

It all means you're growing up. Grownups have to actually deal with these opposing thoughts and feelings and realities.

You're young, too young to be playing house with a boyfriend, thus making it impossible to properly judge how things are really going, impossible to take a break or breakup altogether if you want... how could you... he lives in the same room!

Your parents were right to ask you not to stay over with him on the weekends, you didn't like it, still could do it, but you chose instead to turn 2 nights a week into 7. Now look what's happening.

You need to be smarter about being young and dating. Until you walk down the aisle with a guy and thus proclaim, "I'm through weighing the options, I'm through focusing on my needs or what I want, I'm through making you prove yourself to me, I'm declaring you IT for now and forever, no matter what comes next...we're going to face it together."

... until you walk down that aisle you need to realize EVERYTHING is still optional. That means you don't make permanent-like choices that muck up the dating process while things are still optional. You don't live with an optional guy.

Your story above is quite clear - yes you love him (no great accomplishment there, love is uncontrollable), but he's obviously still firmly stuck in Optionville.

Grownups make hard choices and don't let feelings dictate your actions, kids are controlled by feelings. You know better.

If you want to be single again, then there's a reason. Moving out and BEING single again doesn't even mean you two won't end up together forever somewhere down the road. But when you DO move out, stay out until you're done weighing your "options", OK?

[aglover21]

I'm 24, is that still too young?

[JBeaucaire]

"I'm 24, is that still too young??"

Hm, thought you were 21... oh well.

Um, let me repeat: "...too young to be playing house with a boyfriend, thus making it impossible to properly judge how things are really going, impossible to take a break or breakup altogether if you want...how could you... he lives in the same room!?"

AND: "Until you walk down the aisle with a guy and thus proclaim, "I'm through weighing the options, I'm through focusing on my needs or what I want, I'm through making you prove yourself to me, I'm declaring you IT for now and forever, no matter what comes next...we're going to face it together."

... until you walk down that aisle you need to realize EVERYTHING is still optional."

At 35 years I'd make the same statement. Dating is HARD. Choosing properly is HARD. Moving in with a person you're dating is surefire way to REDUCE your chances of success.

[aglover21]

I'm scared that if I do make him move back home with his folks and we slow things down that I'll lose my feelings for him...

[lidias]

Sometimes we feel smothered... do not marry him if you are not sure. It wouldn't be fair to him or to yourself. When people move in together they are around each other all the time. They learn every little thing about each other. Its kind of a test. What is it about him that you don't like? Does he support everything you want in life? How does he feel about kids? Find out what he wants. Are you in love with him or how being in love makes you feel?

[pkh1955]

As a older adult, when we are young adults we feel the parent thing is so bad for us, then one day we understand all that was told to us by mom and dad was good advice , and that the grass is not greener on the other side now , move back home, be single or continue to date him tell what ever takes place either a separation or continue seeing him but also have free time to yourself, enjoy life while you can young adults want to grow up so fast and life is way to short to rush it. God Bless You on your decisions

[aglover21]

To pkh1955: I'm not sure I understand... I want to get the "new" feelings back that I once had, is that possible?

[pkh1955]

You have to sit and ask yourself why did the feeling go anway to start with? If there is any question of the love that was there maybe a separation will answer your question. You will either be happy to not see him, or you will be sad to not see him.

[aglover21]

He's also mentioned to me the other day that when the opportunity arises, he is going to ask me to marry him... I right away thought to myself "YES" and it was a good feeling... I guess I'm just not ready for all of that like I want to be...

[aglover21]

It's not completely gone, it's just not there as much as it was...

[pkh1955]

No matter how little feeling has left your heart you need to know and find out why and find true feelings again if they are still there , always being with each other will not clear the air, I'm not saying break up just separate and do your own thing with friends and all, take it from there.

[aglover21]

I'm just really scared that the new independent me, won't want him anymore...

[pkh1955]

Then Honey better to know now then to no later in life and things be very bad. Thisis all a part of growing and living and learning. 1 step at a time.

[aglover21]

Thanks for your help!

[pkh1955]

Good luck and always try and look at the picture with a very wide frame.

[JBeaucaire]

If that's all it takes to make the feelings go away, do it now.

This whole dating thing is about finding someone who inspires you differently than that. Someone you aren't scared at all that anything can "break you up"... cause you two have found a way to operate way beyond that simplistic reality.

If your bond, or even one side of it, is this fragile, it should be tested and tried at those points of fragility. It needs to be tested and proven, or tested and broken.

You cannot succeed at important tasks like correct lifemate selection by avoiding anything you fear. If you sincerely fear that living a few miles apart will kill your relationship (when MOST people dating don't live together! ), if that simple fact of not living under the same roof is all it takes... find that out now!

[mimi03]

Sounds like you're projecting some fairy tale ideals onto your relationship:

"I feel like I should miss him all the time" Why???
"I should want him around all the time. I feel guilty when I want to just be alone..." again where are you getting these standards?

If this is true "I DO love him and can't see myself with anybody else. I can see myself having KIDS with him." Why do you have so much confusion?

Unfortunately Love and a good imagination isn't all you need to make a relationship work but...
The main thing that I am baffled about is how you mention both your races as being white and Hispanic (you relating to being white and he relates more to his Hispanic culture) because of this you make it seem as though he's different, How so? You're both the same.. white and Hispanic
"I used to always say that I would never marry/date a guy that was Hispanic."

Huh? my best friend is Mexican and she said the same ridiculous thing during HS well she married a white which is fine, they are "peas in a pod"... but why say such a thing, Is this some form of -Self loathing- or just plan prejudice? Are you not comfortable with your Hispanic roots?

There is way too much confusion here, you should step back and really evaluate what you want in a partner before you make another drastic step (such as moving in with a bf)!
And please don't waist anymore of his or your time...

[aglover21]

I guess rushing a relationship can really mess with a persons mind and emotions, I never thought it could do that... is this logical?