[sasha_1]

First, you will never ever have a perfect time to have a child! Even if you wait for a year or two, something else will come up.

What I think is, the perfect time to have a baby is when BOTH are ready, not when the second mortgage is paid off, not when you are earning more money, not for anything.

I don't think 30 is too late.

If your husband has offered to be a stay home dad while you become the bread winner, I don't see anything wrong in that, but yes, it also depends on your comfort level. Again, you both have to agree.

I maybe wrong, but what I understood from your post is, you thought one night hard about having a baby and then you talked to your husband. So he got thrown off which is expected. Men need time to get prepared to be a dad (at least my husband does).

Have open ended conversation with him when he is in good mood. I am sure you will work it out.

[JBeaucaire]

This is strictly a math exercise now. You know you've got a year for your maternity eligibility. In that 12 months you can get all the work done to make this feasible.

But you have to write it down. Keeping it all in your head means it's an exercise in frustration. In writing, it's a simple math exercise. You'll know when you've solved the problem when the math is solved.

You can get pregnant and still work for another 8-10 months, depending on your job. So if you wait 1 year to start, that's really almost 2 years of work time to put money aside, isn't it?

The baby needs to be a certain age before you consider child-care, so decide that age, too. Now you know how long you have to prepare.

This next part is NOT a punishment. This is the step that makes all your goals attainable.

Monthly Budget

• Rent/Mortgage
• Food
• Transportation
• Clothing
• Utilities
• Insurance(s)
• Charity
• Credit repayment (zero???)
• Entertainment
• Savings

Write out your budget for LAST month. Use the chart above as a basis. Write down what you spent last month's money on. Track it all. Give a name to every dollar if you can.

Now do the same thing for next month, trying to guess what it will be based on what you did last month.

At the end of next month, see how accurate you were.

Now, you're ready. Adjust your monthly expenses ONLY in the areas that a baby will cost more. That's food and clothing. What's your new budget? You may need to research the diaper costs and such.

Now figure out your onetime costs:
Medical costs + clothes + house preparation = onetime costs getting ready

Now you have all the info you need. Compare your budget above to his income. Surprise! Now you have an actual number that represents the problem that has to be solved.

If the number is negative, you have 20 months to save up the difference (divided over all those months) or arrange some alternate income.

His boss might be interested to know he's only $300 a month away from being able to afford a baby. Men with kids are more reliable employees!

And, there is the off chance you are both wrong and the MATH will show you that you CAN afford to get pregnant.

It's a simple math exercise. Tell me how it turns out.

[flower81]

Thanks for all your words

Well we had a chat and came down to - yes we will try for kids!
Then I asked him if he thinks illbe a great mom and he said yes you will make a good mom :s

Then he added that he believes I wouldn't cope well as a mummy!

I really took that to heart!

When I asked why he just didn't reply!

[N0help4u]

First if I were you I would work until you get the medical benefit at work

I had my babies at 29, 31, 32 and 33 no problems due to my age.
Many women are having babies in their late 30's, early 40's

Also when working out a budget you have to consider daycare/babysitter vs one of you staying home or you working a day job/ him a night job type thing. Daycare is really expensive. Many couples are realizing that between the daycare and the transportation to get to work it doesn't pay for both to work so the one with the less income is staying home.

Many people think they have to have a $60, + income to have a family
But I had 4 kids and lived on under 1,200 a year
I bought just about everything second hand,
Used coupons,
And when you need a new vehicle you can find decent ones around $2,000.

[0rphan]

Hi Fower 81,

29 is still young for children, so don't worry on that score, my boss has just had her 4th by her third marriage at the age of 38,every thing was just fine, I know things can be difficult as you get older but I'm talking much older, say 40's, you have a long way to go and no you don't want to wait that long I know, however my sister in law had both her girls in her mid 40's and they were fine as well.

I think the fact that people around you are having babies makes things much more difficult if your feeling broody.
Maybe when you had the discussion with your husband you were a bit fed up having bin alone with you thoughts all evening, your husband had worked late so he was tired, not an ideal time for such a life changing discussion.
A good idea would be, when you both have had a relaxing day, maybe over a bottle of wine etc... where you can both talk about what it would mean to have a child, it's good points and also the pitfalls.
If you can both do this calmly and sensibly, appreciating each others views, then I'm sure you will come to some sort of compromise.

You've already stated that you have a healthy relationship, which is great, would a child enhance that relationship? If the answer is yes from both of you then there will be a way forward.

It seems that your husbands initial reaction, was "how are we going to pay the bills" which I have to say is a natual reaction these days, children cost a lot of money.

You don't say how long it would be before you've reached the two year period in your current job, hopefully not to long, you can then if your husband is agreeable try for a child. When the child is born you will receive full pay for a limited time, then perhaps all things being equal you could return to your employment, if not full time, maybe part time for a while.

Going back to my boss, she returned when her baby was 9 months old, thought about a nanny but in the end her Mum looks after the baby the five days that she works. If she had paid for child care, it would still have been worth it because being on salary she still took home a decent wage, perhaps the same would work for you, that way you have the best of both worlds... the child you desparately want and also an income to help with bills etc... or maybe you could work from home.

There are quite a few options open to you when you really think about it, so don't worry I'm sure once you have both sat down and discussed them everything will be just fine .

Goodluck to both of you

[smearcase]

I think your husband is being very responsible but is he right on a financial basis?
Do you have a good budget? Have you been able to save any funds?
Maybe you can prove him wrong. But a year shouldn't be very drastic.
My mother was 41 when I was born.

[kellyjo]

I had my first child at 19 talk about not finacially ready, but I didn'thavemore till I was 26 twins:) still not financially ready! Have you ever heard the exspression if you wait till you have the money you'll never do it? My children are 16 and 11 and we do very well NOW, but they didn't hold us back. I quit my job after the twins came because with two they need a lot of attention and we struggled for a year until I went back to work. But we never went with out food, never lost our house or a car and we still had a little extra to have a special night about every 6 months.. Just kidding! We did things just not as much eating out and drinking away 100s of dollars a week-end.

I have a great aunt that neverhad children because my uncle said they were not ready, they were NEVER ready. Now she is a bitter 80 year old hermit! Your life can be just as exciting with kids as it has been with out them, nothing is more fun than the first time they say mom, all the parting in the world will never top that.

Your husband will see that. Take him around all those new babies that are around you lethim see the light in the eyes of the parents.

[confused1145]

I don't think your overreacting, you just want to reach your dreams. If you are at a stage in life where you can afford it, you should. Of course he needs to agree. Continue to talk to him and let him know what it means to you.

[confused1145]

Children do sometimes require two incomes though so maybe suggest an option where you both can work and take shifts watching the kids while the other works.