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talaniman · Jun 15, 2008, 08:25 AM

A counselor can lead you through the process of dealing with the adjustments needed to get over the loss of your child, and help you forgive yourself, and leave the loser your going out with.

If he was your best friend, you would do better with your enemies. See your doctor ASAP!!

Boristheblade · Jun 15, 2008, 08:36 AM

I appreciate you taking the time to read that monster of a story! And I'll go and see my doctor tomorrow hopefully. If not I'll at least make an appointment tomorrow.

JBeaucaire · Jun 15, 2008, 09:53 AM

You cope by stating the truth of the situation. Your baby has been given a phenomenal gift by you. You loved them enough to put them into a situation of love and resource, their life will be a very different one because of the gift you gave.

It hurts, but true love hurts. What you did for that baby was the most awesome act of selflessness a mother can ever portray. You did that. You are THAT strong.
===========
You cope by stating the truth of the situation. The "father of the child" you no longer have was really no prize. You loved him, granted, but that was always true. That's irrelevant in the "we can make it" department.

Setting the love aside, if you knew everything you know about him now at the beginning, would you even date a man like this? Of course not.

Losing him is hard, it hurts, you had such high hopes, but the truth is YOU are the prize, not him. He earns a place at your side with his good character and faithful allegiance. You don't chase him down. YOU are the PRIZE.

Love will come again to you, and next time you get pregnant you will be much more prepared to be a parent, right? This is all good, hard, but good.

You cope by stating the truths of the situation, feelings aside, and nothing but the truth.

Boristheblade · Jun 15, 2008, 10:00 AM

Thank you JBeaucaire I could not have actually asked for better advice than that. He is a horrible person and whether I love him or not-being with him is not an option. :)

ang7610 · Jun 15, 2008, 09:17 PM

For everything you have been through you are a very strong individual! Just keep your chin up! When my ex and I broke up I went and got my hair done and went out with the girls and I felt allot better! You deserve someone who is going to faithful to you! Trust me soon enough you will look back at the situation and wonder why was I ever even with him! Since he wasn't there for you when you needed him he isn't worth you being hurt! Just remember that if he wasn't there then he will never be there for you! So, this may be the best thing for you sweetheart! Just remember smile!:)

doots08 · Jun 16, 2008, 02:30 AM

Hello I'm sorry if it looks like I'm trying to advertise but I would be grateful if somebody could help me. It's under should I wait?
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Boristheblade · Jun 18, 2008, 10:53 AM

More advice on this would be greatly appreciated :)

JBeaucaire · Jun 18, 2008, 12:09 PM

Originally Posted by Boristheblade

Thank you JBeaucaire I could not have actually asked for better advice than that.

More advice on this would be greatly appreciated :)

Aw, shucks, I thought I already won. ;)

Boristheblade · Jun 18, 2008, 12:13 PM

No , no. I am definitely going to take your advice :)
It's ADDITIONAL advice I'm seeking not OTHER advice

X

sokay · Jun 18, 2008, 02:54 PM

He Boris

You (every woman) needs a guy who has them first and foremost. Before anyone or any activity, etc. No it won't be the day you meet them but soon, or lose them. Yes it's great if they have friends, dreams or hobbies, but if it's more important than YOU, it's a no-go. If they already have themselves so devoted to other people, you will never be first. Not a good quality for a spouse. (Don't get me wrong I should take my own advice, but it's easier to see this from the outside). He told you from the start he already was devoted to someone else... NEXT!!

You definitely deserve better than to have to share your pedestal.

Boristheblade · Jun 20, 2008, 11:13 AM

The thing is by the time we were getting together he and I both believed he was over her and put me first. This is still so hard :(

Boristheblade · Jun 21, 2008, 03:58 AM

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Well, words usually mean things. Anyone who calls an abortion "giving up my baby" is playing horrible word games.

With all due respect it clearly says an induced miscarriage. I wasn't playing games horrible or otherwise, thanks.:mad:

JBeaucaire · Jun 21, 2008, 07:19 AM

Originally Posted by Boristheblade

With all due respect it clearly says an induced miscarriage. I wasn't playing games horrible or otherwise, thanks.:mad:

Wow. I don't usually miss things that important, but that particular headliner was buried a little. I admit to missing it, TWICE. My bad.

Therefore, I sincerely apologize if you took my praise to you for giving your baby up for adoption as a sarcastic attack. I really HAD missed the abortion info and was expressing true appreciation I have to women who are able to give the gift of adoption. I meant every word and used them because I accidentally applied them to your situation.

I was not intending to be sarcastic if I came off that way. Please accept my apologies.

And again, my reference to word games... another blunder in the same sequence. You absolutely did not play any word games, I humbly apologize for intimating you might have.

P.S. I deleted the offending post. My sincere apologies.

Boristheblade · Jun 30, 2008, 11:46 AM

Those familiar with my story-I was doing well 2 weeks since I spoke to my ex at all and 25 days since I saw him and then my ex texts me saying "you've ruined any chance of being friends again. " I asked him what I'd done and he was swearing at me and abusing me (his style) and finally told md it was because I'd told someone we both know that I had been pregnant and at the time he told me not to tell anyone. I apologised because I shouldn't have said it, and reminded me he'd made mistakes too,and he refused to accept it and got really personal towards me. I eventually just snapped and realised I didn't have to take his abuse any more- and I (immaturely but provoked) got really personal towards him too.

Anyway it went too far, and I agreed to go to his house to sort it out. We talked and I asked him about the claims he made of cheating on me. He admitted on cheating on me one other time that I didn't know about near the beginning of our relationship. Anyway we made up, and he asked for a hug so I hugged him thinking it was just friendly, but he held me for a long time, and then he kissed me (honestly all initiated by him) and then we REALLY made up. I asked him how he honestly felt about me and he said that I'm someone really close to him, I'm the best thing to ever happen to him, he obviously still cares about me as more than a friend and that we would probably be together again when we'd had quite a fair amount of time apart.

Anyway I went home, I left my phone so I went to get it today. I'm not sure how the conversation started but he said he hoped one day we could really be just friends. I asked him what he meant and he told me that he hoped we could be friend when I was completely over him. I asked him if that's what he wanted- me to completely move on and to never ever be with me again. He said yes- for definite.

I'm upset that he gave me false hope- or maybe he didn't and I'm just reading too much into it? It feels like he's just broken up with me all over again. I didn't think we'd be together like now, but I thought we would in the future and I thought he did too but obviously I was wrong. I can handle talking to him because we - like I've said before- were also best friends. Should I go back to NC to speed up the process of me moving on? Or is that not feasible now? I don't know what to think of all this... help?

Boristheblade · Jun 30, 2008, 11:59 AM

By the way- he said these things just before I left. The first time I went to his house I mean.

lovedoctor · Jun 30, 2008, 12:18 PM

OK listen, it seems like you guys have a long history together and that something still sort of connects you both but I think its only one way, mabye the making up part he kind of used you but I don't think its fair of him to totally change his mind the next day, he seems like he wants his cake and eat it too, he's unsure of what he wants and right now he just wants to be 'friends with benefits', don't do this to yourself, the best medicine for this would be for you to take time off from him. Mabye go somewhere for the weekend and just take time off and enjoy and relax, all this stress and worry is not good for your child either. Obvisously talking things out didn't solve too much it only confused you even more but he isn't being clear either it seems like your off and on all the time which is why your hurt all the time. Give yourself a break and just cut loose, its better for your heart.
=) hope everything works
**LD**

talaniman · Jun 30, 2008, 04:04 PM

The best course of action is do the healing, and then wait too see how you feel later on. You may not have time when you have rebuilt your own life.

Boristheblade · Jul 8, 2008, 10:04 AM

I really need you guys again. I want honest advice, opinions etc. Right. I was doing NC with my ex because I refused to be friends with him until he gave me the respect I deserved. I got a text the other night,it was definitely from a girl and I knew it was meant for him and was somehow sent to me :confused: so I forwarded it to him and rang the number. A boy answered and told me someone mightve used his phone. I just left it and went back to sleep

But the same boy rang me all day long :confused: he knew my name, where I lived, what I look like, my ex boyfriend, he knew what I was wearing the day before. I ignored him. He rang me around thirty times during the night on an anonymous number and hung up every time I answered. Then sent texts like "STOP RINGING ME" I txtd my ex and asked him to help me work out who it was. He ignored me. The next day I didn't eat and was so exhausted with it all, I decided to just go to my ex's house to talk to him because I didn't want to keep txting him begging him to talk to me basically. He didn't have respect for me to even say "i dont know".

Anyway he didn't see why I was there, I didn't see why he couldn't just tell me who it was. We argued and both said we didn't want each other in each others lives. I felt tears welling up at how sad I was that I never did anything to hurt him and he treats me with such cruelty so I just left.

Guess who the girl was that text me- none other than the ex that's been in the rest of my posts. He knew it was her but insisted he had no idea.We are literal enemies and she asked me to talk to her online to resolve things , so I did. She confessed to me that My ex never stopped seeing her all through my relationship- you're probably thinking that I should take it with a pinch of salt but I believe it- he did say that when we argued around two weeks ago but took it back.That they spoke/saw each other every single day and I never knew or suspected. For the whole year we were together.
I forgave him when I caught him cheating and I thought that was it I was so wrong. I feel like such a naïve pathetic idiot and that somehow maybe I deserve the way he treated me, if I didn't deserve it then why did he do it?

I feel amazingly just, crushed betrayed hurt and angry. Why did he work so hard to convince me it was me he wanted not her when he never loved me and was seeing her all the time anyway?:S Why didn't he just leave me alone? Our whole relationship was just a sham. They are best friends and I suppose they sit and laugh about silly little me that actually thought my ex loved me. I don't know why it bothers me but it DOES. Because he was supposed to be my best friend, I depended on him and this is what has really been going on. I can't imagine trusting anyone again.

What do I do now? How do I heal from such betrayal? Is my devastation an over the top reaaction? Is my ex really that cruel? Opinions and advice please I'm just so hurt and lost in it all:(

Romefalls19 · Jul 8, 2008, 10:34 AM

What do I do now?
Keep going with how you have been with NC, you learned what happens when you contact this arse, so avoid it. Change your number

How do i heal from such a betrayal?
The relationship is over, but it will be a big stinger that he cheated, but be thankful you are out from this hellhole you had of a relationship.

Is my devastation an over the top reaation?
Not at all, you have ever right to be angry but don't stoop to his level and give him satisifation of him knowing it bothers you

Is my ex really that cruel?
Sad, but yes he is. But look at the good point, you are done with him. He is something else problem now

HistorianChick · Jul 8, 2008, 01:36 PM

Do you deserve this treatment? No. You do not. I applaud you for making the choice to go NC. It sounds like distance and non-communication with this ex is the right way to go. Its so hard, I know, because you gave so much of yourself to him and your relationship - its hard to let go and try and move on. But you must.

Don't let this ex of yours control you. Don't give him your power. By "give him your power" I mean, don't let him take control of your emotions, your heart, and your time any longer. You have the power to say NO, I am choosing to try and move on. That, my dear, is power. And it is yours... no one can claim it... its yours. Don't give it away.

I wish you the best and hope that one day soon you will be able to look back at this relationship and smile for the good times. :)