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NordyGal · Jun 19, 2008, 08:31 PM

Hey there,

My two friends just recently moved in together three weeks ago.

They both asked me my thoughts on the idea, and I told them that although I'll support their decision, that I don't think it's a good idea. I've been through the whole live-with-a-friend-and-it-not-work-out thing, and I didn't want the same thing to happen to them. They both appreciated my feedback, but decided to live together.

It's only been a handful of weeks, but they are at each other's throats, bashing one another to me, and then asking me what the other has to say about them.

I've told them repeatedly to not put me in the middle - that I don't want to hear their harsh words, and that they need to talk to the other to work it out.

Now, they take turns staying at the apartment... one night one does, the other night the other does.

How do I steer them toward a better living situation? Is it feesible, or do I need to stay away from that thought process?

Also, I've asked them more than one and told them to keep me out of it - but it continues. Do I keep repeating myself? I don't want to lose either of them as friends.

Help?

IM4U · Jun 19, 2008, 08:40 PM

They asked your thoughts early on, and you gave them. They made their own decisions, and it did not work out. It is not your place to "fix" it. You have done well, in my opinion, in asking them to keep you out of it. If they are truly your friends, they will not hold the friendship over your head or vacate it if you insist on staying out of their squabbles.

If they continue to try to rope you into the situation they brought upon themselves, I think it is appropriate for you to "parrot" your already-offered responses until perhaps they finally hear them. If they don't, I think it might be well for you to take a break from these folk.

Why don't they just see their mistake, settle up with each other financially, and go their separate ways as far as living arrangements are concerned?

Or--why don't they get an affordable mediator from church, an appropriate community group, or professional office, and try to resolve their issues with a neutral third party--OTHER THAN YOU!

This may a good place for me to say...

NordyGal · Jun 21, 2008, 01:34 AM

Thanks for this perspective.

talaniman · Jun 21, 2008, 05:33 AM

At some point your going to have to take a stand, and stop trying to help. Let them solve their own problems.

N0help4u · Jun 21, 2008, 07:04 AM

You did warn them and it is not your responsibility to fix.
Tell them that you want to be able to be home and relax in your routine and their constant taking turns crashing at your place is T00 disruptive to your lifestyle.

NordyGal · Jul 1, 2008, 07:53 PM

I took your advice, and quit worrying about it.

I asked them to leave me out of it and to not expect me to fix things, and it quit.

Thanks for your perspectives. I appreciate it!

IM4U · Jul 1, 2008, 08:13 PM

Congratulations. I admire your courage to ask for help, sort it out, and then act upon it. It worked because you worked it!

Bet you feel a relief!

liz28 · Jul 2, 2008, 01:21 AM

The next time either one of them call you to bash the other person, simply tell that person "you want no part of it" and hang up if they can't talk about something else. That's what I do with my friends when I don't want to be in the middle of something. They will get the point when you do that to them a few times, when this matter comes up.