[NordyGal]

Hello,

About two years ago, I got pregnant for the first time. I carried until I was 27 weeks along, and then delivered a stillborn baby girl. I was devastated, but went to counselling and now I'm as at peace with it as I can be.

Then, about a year ago, I got pregnant for the second time with twins. I carried until I was 20 weeks, and delivered stillborn baby girls. Again, I was devastated, but went to counselling and now I'm at peace with this, also.

Now, I've got the urge to be pregnant again. It could be because I've had the chance to become a mother twice before, but it didn't work out. It could be the fact that several of my friends are now expecting - and I'm jealous of it. I'm happy for them, but also heartbroken for the fact that I was so badly to become a mother.

I'm not the type to go off my birth control on my boyfriend, and I would never try to get pregnany unless he knew that and wanted it and agreed with that. [Not to mention, I can't get him to have sex with me, for anything... and I have another question posted about that -- "Boyfriend Won't Have Sex With Me". If you have advice regarding that, please see my other question and answer there.]

Any advice on the feelings I'm having? In the past, the feelings have come and gone - but they've been very present for about two months now.

[DoulaLC]

I am so sorry about your losses. What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Many women will find they have a strong desire to have a baby at some point and there doesn't have to be any catalyst to cause the desire. Looking at your other post, it might also be an unconscience concern that if your boyfriend isn't wanting as much sex as in the past, it might make pregnancy seem that much more urgent to you.
Telling you to "figure it out" is a cop-out on his part. Surely he knows what he is interested in. You shouldn't have to feel as though you are begging and the only willing participant. If is was a sudden shift in desire on his part, perhaps a suggestion for a physical exam from his doctor would be in order. Difficult to suggest, and difficult for him to follow through on if he isn't seeing any problem with the dramatic drop in activity. Is he content with the amount of sex the two of you have? Could be things were fired up early on because of the newness of the relationship... not an unusual occurrence. Maybe he doesn't have an issue with it, but there needs to be some sort of compromise so that both of you are content... after all, that is part of a healthy relationship. Any other behavior changes? Any issues with substances that could effect his libido? Those are other possible areas to look at.
One other thought... since both of your losses were later, what sort of testing was done, if any as to a possible cause? Were both situations an issue of the babies passing before birth or due to being born too early?