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sweetlee102 · Jun 17, 2008, 11:34 AM

Hi everyone! So my boyfriend and I will be hitting 6 months this weekend. Things have been going great except for all of my insecurities, ha if you really want to know read my other posts... Anyway so we see each other fairly often but on the nights where he is not working (he works rotating shifts so sometimes works weekend) I want to be with him. I miss him a lot. Now like I said we do see eachtoher a lot and I am not whiney about wanting to see him, its just that for instance we hung out yesterday and lst night and I need to spend a night home and I'm sure he needs his space but I want to hang out with him. I am not goingto ask him because I know we both have stuff to do but in my head I get stressed out because I'm like what will he do in his free time. So yes I worry about not seeing him all the time because of my insecurities. I know I'm suppose to have my own life and I do but on the inside I'm stressed out and its crazy. How can I calm down and not worry about it!! He knows all my issues of trust , etc, we have discussed it. He is a great guy but I can't seem to get over this stuff.

If anyone has any advice or feels the same please let me know how you cope.

THANK YOU

plonak · Jun 17, 2008, 12:34 PM

I understand how you feel because I had crazy anxious thoughts in my head in my last relationship.. I have really BAD anxiety and sounds like you do too.. You need to relax.. don't get clingy!! I need to express that, he's going to run far far away if you do.. and you might ruin something that could be really great.. you need to focus on what you like to do.. and not worry about him all the time..

In my last relatinship we made the fatal mistake of spending ALL our time together and we talked all day (text message or phone) if we couldn't see each other in person.. that was a huge reason why we're not together anymore.. you need to find life outside the relationship for it be healthy.. if you don't fix your problem now it will only get worse..

Since my ex and I would talk ALL the time, I would freak out when I didn't hear from him for a couple hours, and I know this sounds crazy but that's how far I let my anxiety take charge of my life.. I forgot what was important to me, and lost my relationship with God, he lost his relationship with God as well, and he fell out of the AA scene and believe me that was NOT good for both of us..

Please please pull away a little and focus on yourself. You need to realize that a relationship should never define you.. it should add to your life.. you need to be who you are.. not who the two of you are.. find other interests, work on your problems and you will proly see the need to see him everyday will start to fade

talaniman · Jun 20, 2008, 12:03 PM

What makes you feel like that? Have you seen a doctor, to make sure its not the result of a medical problem.

sweetlee102 · Jun 20, 2008, 12:20 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

What makes you feel like that? Have you seen a doctor, to make sure its not the result of a medical problem.?

Well I know I have anxiety and self-esteem problems and that is why I feel that way. I did start going to a Psychologist for a while but then found out my health insurance really doesn't cover it. Ha but that's another story. Needless to say I am not going anymore but I do and always have known what my problems are. I am tryign to work on them myself so we will see!

Romefalls19 · Jun 20, 2008, 12:51 PM

Try to get some books on the issue and they do create somewhat of a comfort level in your mind.

sweetlee102 · Jun 20, 2008, 12:53 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

try to get some books on the issue and they do create somewhat of a comfort level in your mind.

My Dr recommended a few when I had to stop going, so hopefully they will help. Thank you!

brkfstatiffs · Jun 20, 2008, 02:35 PM

Originally Posted by sweetlee102

Hi everyone! So my boyfriend and I will be hitting 6 months this weekend. things have been going great except for all of my insecurities, ha if you really want to know read my other posts... Anyway so we see eachother fairly often but on the nights where he is not working (he works rotating shifts so sometimes works weekend) I want to be with him. I miss him alot. Now like i said we do see eachtoher alot and i am not whiney about wanting to see him, its just that for instance we hung out yesterday and lst night and i need to spend a night home and im sure he needs his space but i want to hang out with him. I am not goingto ask him becasue i know we both have stuff to do but in my head i get stressed out becasue im liek what will he do in his free time. So yes i worry abotu not seeing him all the time because of my insecurities. I know im suppose to have my own life and i do but on the inside im stressed out and its crazy. how can i calm down and not worry about it!!! he knows all my issues of trust , etc, we have discussed it. He is a great guy but i can't seem to get over this stuff.

If anyone has any advice or feels the same please let me know how you cope.

THANK YOU

First off, read the book Why Men Love es it will help you. If nothing else, read it for s and giggles. Do you have other hobbies? Friends you can hang with? Guys are huge on having their space, so it's important to do your own thing or the relationship will eventually come to an end. Men love independent women. However, I know where you are coming from, it is easy to feel that way when in love - that you constantly want to see him etc. Just remember that Absence makes the heart grow fonder. And keep yourself busy! Make plans with friends! You have to let him wonder where you are everynow and then. Fill up your schedule for the week, and then fit him in to the off days. Just try that - I bet he will have the urge to want to see you more. Hang in there! Also try reading Men are From Mars Women are from Venus. I was a lot like you in my past relationship, and reading these two books I mentioned actually helped me.

brkfstatiffs · Jun 20, 2008, 02:37 PM

I meant the book "Why Men Love B_tches"

brkfstatiffs · Jun 20, 2008, 02:39 PM

p.s. don't wonder where he is, make him wonder where YOU are. Men need that feeling... the mystery, when it's gone they get bored.

brkfstatiffs · Jun 20, 2008, 02:41 PM

p.s.s for the anxiety, I try to take baths. Go and get some aromatherpy bath salts for stress and light some candles and have a glass of wine. It will help I promise. Focus on you for the evening. :)

sweetlee102 · Jun 23, 2008, 01:34 PM

Originally Posted by brkfstatiffs

p.s.s for the anxiety, I try to take baths. Go and get some aromatherpy bath salts for stress and light some candles and have a glass of wine. it will help i promise. focus on you for the evening. :)

Thank you for all of your advice, I am going to do my best to follow it. I actually have the Why Men love B***** book, I got it years ago, its really good. I do believe its time to break it back out though!

Have a great day