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hjpan · Jun 19, 2008, 03:53 PM

Guys... we should all join the military and try to get ourselves based somewhere else... hopefully not Iraq :O

plonak · Jun 19, 2008, 04:29 PM

Hey guys,

Please be rest assured that there are GREAT girls out there that will stand up to your expectations!! It's not a bad thing to know what you want now, and to have high expectations. I think I need to do that too. Just remember that not everyone is perfect, and if you find a girl that's the opposite of your ex, just remember that she will have different problems and baggage.. not saying it's going to be better or worse, but just know that everyone has their issues.. just a matter of if you guys are willing to put up with 'em or not...

You know what's a good suggestion? Don't look for potential dates at a bar.. you will NOT find a decent girl at a bar or club.. they are most likely the kind of girl that "nice" guys should stay FAR AWAY from!. just little words of wisdom

hjpan · Jun 19, 2008, 04:39 PM

Originally Posted by plonak

Hey guys,

Please be rest assured that there are GREAT girls out there that will stand up to your expectations!!! It's not a bad thing to know what you want now, and to have high expectations. I think i need to do that too. just remember that not everyone is perfect, and if you find a girl that's the opposite of your ex, just remember that she will have different problems and baggage.. not saying it's gonna be better or worse, but just know that everyone has their issues.. just a matter of if you guys are willing to put up with 'em or not...

You know what's a good suggestion? don't look for potential dates at a bar.. you will NOT find a decent girl at a bar or club.. they are most likely the kinda girl that "nice" guys should stay FAR AWAY from!.. just little words of wisdom

Many people have told me the best girls are in college. Well, I am in college and I see majority of the girls are sleaze-bags... Not to be rude or offensive, but I think the best place to find great girls are shopping centers... haha

As for the potential dates at a bar... they are exactly like prostitutes/hookers. Yes, you may get to put "your key" in the "key hole" and feel great...

plonak · Jun 19, 2008, 04:49 PM

You can meet girls at church too BUT you should go to church for you and if you happen to meet a girl then great! Just going to church to meet girls is very obvious to the women and they stay far away from you..

My advice? Don't go searching, conduct your life normally and you will meet someone when you least expect it.. women sense when men are on the prowl.. it's a turn off.. just keep that in mind and I know the same goes for women being desperate too

bigbird213 · Jun 19, 2008, 05:07 PM

Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy

I'd sadly have to agree with you on that rocker. I told myself it wouldn't jade me in any way but it has. Hopefully it will go away with time and when I do meet that "it" girl. Its like a lack of trust I have or something, I thought I had an honest exceptional girlfriend, but in the end all she did was deceive and make me feel horrible. I also feel like my standards have gone through the roof... I was told this is not a bad thing and that I just know what I really want now. Its weird though, when I meet new girls I evaluate them big time, not in a shallow way but like with the things they talk about and how they act. I want to avoid as many of the problems from my last relationship as possible.

Funny, I never thought about that until about an hour before I read your post. I was thinking about the times that we had major problems in our relationship, and it was always right around the time my ex started to finally get a little bit of her own life and hang out with her friends more. I hope that doesn't make me weary of a girl with a lot of friends in the future. I guess my mistake for getting involved with someone who really didn't have their own life :(

NNG, I know what you mean about your mind saying "no, were gonna be sad". It happens, but you do realize that it does get better. You can feel the down times fading away and the not thinking about it times becoming longer and longer. Its almost like a competition, see how good I can feel today. It gives you a little hope, and its just enough to get you through the day.

Still amazing how something so minute can make you feel so down for so long. When your on top of the world you feel like your totally healed and could be friends in a snap. Its times like these that make you realize you were wrong... I think these tests are necessary as they make me appreciate that I took advice against my wishes when I thought I was strong.

bigbird213 · Jun 19, 2008, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by hjpan

As for the potential dates at a bar... they are exactly like prostitutes/hookers. Yes, you may get to put "your key" in the "key hole" and feel great...

Okay, I understand that a lot of the girls at a bar might not be the long term relationship/good girlfriend material type of girl, but you can't generalize and say that every girl at the bar is a hooker. That's just a little too far :p

hjpan · Jun 19, 2008, 06:51 PM

Originally Posted by bigbird213

Okay, I understand that a lot of the girls at a bar might not be the long term relationship/good girlfriend material type of girl, but you can't generalize and say that every girl at the bar is a hooker. That's just a little too far :p

Whoops... I meant majority

hjpan · Jun 19, 2008, 06:55 PM

Originally Posted by plonak

You can meet girls at church too BUT you should go to church for you and if you happen to meet a girl then great! just going to church to meet girls is very obvious to the women and they stay far away from ya..

My advice? Don't go searching, conduct your life normally and you will meet someone when you least expect it.. women sense when men are on the prowl.. it's a turn off.. just keep that in mind and i know the same goes for women being desperate too

Becareful of some church girls..

They may seem all religious, but their legs are wide open =/

Happened to a friend of mine~

jrsg · Jun 19, 2008, 07:00 PM

How do you intiate NC with your ex?

Do you just stop talking, and ignore her?
Do you let her know how you feel?

How did you begin?

As you know, I want my ex back. I have decided to go for broke, all or nothing. I am going to ask to get back together... If she says yes, than great! If she says no, then NC! The thing is, after I can let go, I want to continue a friendship with her. I will just need a little time to get over her, thus the NC.

So, how if everything goes wrong... then how should I intiate NC? We have talked a lot lately, so I don't want to just ignore her.
Do I just say something like, "I think its best if I don't see you for a while."

Thanks for the advice guys

hjpan · Jun 19, 2008, 07:10 PM

Originally Posted by jrsg

How do you intiate NC with your ex?

Do you just stop talking, and ignore her?
Do you let her know how you feel?

How did you begin?

As you know, I want my ex back. I have decided to go for broke, all or nothing. I am going to ask to get back together... If she says yes, than great! If she says no, then NC! The thing is, after I can let go, I want to continue a friendship with her. I will just need a little time to get over her, thus the NC.

So, how if everything goes wrong... then how should I intiate NC? We have talked a lot lately, so I don't want to just ignore her.
Do I just say something like, "I think its best if I don't see you for a while."

Thanks for the advice guys

DUDE!! Don't ask her back. You will feel like crap right after she says 'no. Really, is it worth to be hurt more? My girlfriend (now ex) dumped me 3 weeks ago; I have the urges to try and get back but I resist. After taking advise from others who are in the same sinking boat, I decided to stop.

It's hard but you need to cut ties. Yes, I have my ex's pics, number, email address etc. but I don't contact her. Recently, I have been talking to 2 girls in particular, names are Lynn & Katrina, who are awesome~ both are virgins and seriously outgoing =]

spion_kop · Jun 19, 2008, 07:24 PM

Today is my ex's birthday and she called me three times. I didn't answer once. I was thinking about texting her a happy birthday message but I decided against it.
I'm not going to do anything of that sort. I'm going to leave everything in the past and look towards the future.
Today was a real defining day of my strength and will. It just shows that I have a great support structure and determination to get through all this.
For those of you who feel weak, just take a step back, calm yourselves down and remember that it gets easier by the day.

JRSG don't ask her back. Don't put yourself through that. She left you for a reason and by reading your story, you don't want to do that.

Bigbird, our major problems revolved around three issues. 1) Her insecurity with other women, she thought I was cheating on her emotionally with this other woman, but I did no such thing. I use to ask this other woman advice on how to improve my relationship with my ex. This other woman was like a sister to me but my ex thought I liked her, by the way the woman was gorgeous maybe that's why.
2) Exam time. As you know trying to become a doctor isn't easy and it can be stressful so I use to get frustrated with the hardcore school work etc.
3) Kind of LDR/didnt express emotions too much. We use to live about 20 minutes away from each other. It isn't too far because we both went to the same uni in downtown which literally was 10mins walking distance. Also, I use to have a difficult time expressing my emotions. My ex knew I was happy whenever good things happened to her or to me etc, but I didn't like to express myself too much. Even now I have a hard time, people don't generally think that I've gone through a breakup because of how calm and collected I am. It's not that I keep things bottled inside, it's just something I've been taught not to do. Yea you can be happy and joyful but not too happy or too hyper etc which she wanted

jrsg · Jun 19, 2008, 07:24 PM

Originally Posted by hjpan

DUDE!! Don't ask her back. You will feel like crap right after she says 'no. Really, is it worth to be hurt more? My girlfriend (now ex) dumped me 3 weeks ago; I have the urges to try and get back but I resist. After taking advise from others who are in the same sinking boat, I decided to stop.

It's hard but you need to cut ties. Yes, I have my ex's pics, number, email address etc. but I don't contact her. Recently, I have been talking to 2 girls in particular, names are Lynn & Katrina, who are awesome~ both are virgins and seriously outgoing =]

I knew I was going to hear that, especially on an NC thread. The info is going to a little biased here, lol.

I thank you for your consideration, and concern.
BUT... I still want her back. We only went out for two weeks, and we broke up with me after her ex tried to commit suicide. Now, he is stable, and getting help. I am seeing much more lately, and for the past 2 days. I am fairly certain she will accept my offer to get back together now that all that drama is over. It was the root cause of the break up. Now that it is over, I think we can move on together.

That 2 weeks that we went out, I didn't get too attached. I can take it if she doesn't want to get back together. If she doesn't I just need a little time of NC, so how should I do that? How do I begin NC?

Again, thanks for the concern, but I at least want to try. It won't 'break my heart' or anyting like that. If I can confirm that its over, then I can move on. Right now, it feels like the relationship is in this 'limbo.'

bigbird213 · Jun 19, 2008, 07:26 PM

JR,

Asking her back is a risky move. I'd advise against it as well.

However, to answer your question - you can initiate NC any way you want really. Its your move, and you can do it however you'd like. Let her know that you need the space to heal and be better by yourself before you can talk to her, or just ignore her. The choice is yours.

In my particular situation, I knew about the NC route before it happened. When she told me that she wanted some time, I told her that I didn't think we could stay friends, at least not for a while. She was upset, but understood...

EDIT: I wasn't aware that you only went out for 2 weeks. With such a short period, it should be easy for you to live with either decision. Though, if she broke up with you within 2 weeks, could you trust her in the long term?

bigbird213 · Jun 19, 2008, 07:31 PM

Spion,

I'm glad to hear that you are being strong and doing well with your NC. I'm proud of that and you're an inspiration to people here going through tough times, including me. Thanks for the update.

jrsg · Jun 19, 2008, 07:31 PM

Spion, that is great! It feels so much better when you have a great support system, doesn't it? Keep going buddy! You're doing great!
_________________________________________
Back to my situation,
I know everyone here will advise against it...

I really do appreciate all of you guys advising of what you think is best. As a teen, I am going to use that line, "let me make my own mistakes." - I promised I would never use that stupid stereotypical line, but I just did, Oh god.

Its something I think I have to do. If I don't, I will thinking, "What if..." for the next while, then I definitely won't be able to move on. I think this is the best and most quick way.

If she dumps me a second time, its okay. Hey! I am 16. I've got a whole life ahead of me, and I only dated her for 2 weeks, so I'm not in love or anything. I am fairly certain that I can move on quickly.

spion_kop · Jun 19, 2008, 07:52 PM

Thanks you guys, it really does mean a lot because we're all in this together. We're all going through unique but yet similar situations. Things always have a way of working out so all you can do is live your life the best as you can and control things which only you are able to control. Other than that, you have to keep your chin up during the hard times and keep walking on.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still going through the pain daily but when you look at the bigger picture, you can definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel.
This is a test of our character. If you've read my story, I have come a long way but the real success story isn't about getting your ex back, it's about getting your life back together. If you can be yourself and keep yourself in check, you will find other women because hey, if you've found one, you can find many.

hjpan · Jun 20, 2008, 12:15 AM

How awesome *sarcasm*

My ex text me and I thought something was wrong. Turns out she wanted to talk to me... so she chats for over 1 hour while I just sat & didn't really give a flying effe. She did mention a "friend" of hers tried to make a move by scooting closer to her and putting his arms around her...

I was like "umm... yeah... sounds like a player.."

jammyb · Jun 20, 2008, 02:08 AM

Hey guys. Sorry I haven't been on recently; its been a hectic and somewhat weird couple of weeks. This is another testiment to no contact: Been seeing this girl recently, I may have said about it in another post. Everythings going great, she's really into me and I think there could be potential in it (touch wood).

Anyway, I've been feeling great. Im on Facebook this morning (yes, Facebook again) writing on a mutual friend's wall and there's a message from the ex which seems to be indirectly slating the guy she's with. I decide to go on her profile and there's another message from some random woman saying "really nice to see you both and glad you had a nice weekend... say hi to [new boyfriend]". Its amazing how everything can be going fine, and then that happens. F**king constant tests! Can safely say things are pretty right now. For any of you snooping or thinking of breaking no contact... Don't.

bigbird213 · Jun 20, 2008, 05:17 AM

Jammy I was just there and went through that I know what you mean.

When you haven't been tested, you feel like you are on top of the world and can handle anything. You feel like your ready for friendship right now... Then a test like this comes along and your trying to pick yourself back up off your knees...

Take comfort knowing it will get better, because it always does.

jammyb · Jun 20, 2008, 06:08 AM

Yeah too true. Im happy for her in a way and I guess he's good for her and hope it works out, but then again I HATE her. Its an odd situation. I don't feel as bad about it as I think I should though, weirdly. For a while I was dreading finding out anything about her, then whenever I did it was about as bad as it could possibly have been, and I've almost become desensitized to it.

Its good to know that you're never going to make the same mistakes again. It says a lot about guys like us who are willing to find out what went wrong in the relationship and make moves to not let it happen again. Break ups are a harsh lesson in life that teach you a hell of a lot about yourself.

How's everyone else doing?