[kellisbattle]

I left my husband with my children about 3 weeks ago and moved back to my home town. Which is about 2-3hrs from where we were living. It was a very negative & emotionally abusing environment for us. We had been gone for about 2 week and my husband asked if he could see the girls for a day and a half & I said yes, so his parents drove my girls (2 & 4 yrs old) to see him. They returned the next afternoon to pick them up & he told them no your not taking them anywhere I filed for temporary custody & divorce. So they came back empty handed & very upset. I contacted a lawyer & she looked into it & said that he had in fact filed. So they are now back in an unhealthy home but now w/o me. My husband works nights so my girls are sleeping @ other peoples houses during the night hours & I really don't know where they are during the day. I am afraid that he has a pretty good chance of winning because it's a small town where we were living & his family had a law practice there for more than 30yrs. So everyone knows their family. My husband has no family there anymore & all of his & my family live here where I am. I have tons of support here, the girls were in a good daycare & I knew where they were & who they were with at all times. There are a ton of negative allegations against him, but none against me. I'm just scared because of the power his family has there (even though they are no longer there). I just need some advise on what to do. The judge is suppose to make a decision next week based on all the affidavits from both parties...

[JudyKayTee]

i left my husband with my children about 3 weeks ago and moved back to my home town. which is about 2-3hrs from where we were living. it was a very negitive & emotionally abusing environment for us. we had been gone for about 2 week and my husband asked if he could see the girls for a day and a half & i said yes, so his parents drove my girls (2 & 4 yrs old) to see him. they returned the next afternoon to pick them up & he told them no ur not taking them anywhere i filed for temporary custody & divorce. so they came back empty handed & very upset. i contacted a lawyer & she looked into it & said that he had in fact filed. so they are now back in an unhealthy home but now w/o me. my husband works nights so my girls are sleeping @ other peoples houses during the night hours & i really dont know where they are during the day. i am affraid that he has a pretty good chance of winning because its a small town where we were living & his family had a law practice there for more than 30yrs. so everyone knows their family. my husband has no family there anymore & all of his & my family live here where i am. i hav tons of support here, the girls were in a good daycare & i knew where they were & who they were with at all times. there are a ton of negitive allegations aginst him, but none aginst me. im just scared because of the power his family has there (even though they are no longer there). i just need some advise on what to do. the judge is suppose to make a decision next week based on all the affidavits from both parties....

Really there is nothing you can do now but wait for the Judge's decision. Apparently the Judge has the Affidavits and all the facts.

Certainly things could have been handled better when you left but it's too late for that now.

Continue to document your allegations but you have no choice but to wait until the Judge makes a decision.

[ScottGem]

As Judy said, there is nothing you can do until the judge rules.

I do have a question though. You turned the kids over to your in-laws with the understanding they would be returned the next day. The in-laws actually went to pick them up and the father refused to hand them over? Did the in-laws testify to that?

If so, then I think you have a good chance of regaining custody. The fact that he reneged on an agreement is not going to place him in a good light where the judge is concerned, unless the judge is already biased towards him.

[JudyKayTee]

As Judy said, there is nothing you can do until the judge rules.

I do have a question though. You turned the kids over to your in-laws with the understanding they would be returned the next day. The in-laws actually went to pick them up and the father refused to hand them over? Did the in-laws testify to that?

If so, then I think you have a good chance of regaining custody. The fact that he reneged on an agreement is not going to place him in a good light where the judge is concerned, unless the judge is already biased towards him.

I wonder if her taking the kids in the first place - and I have no idea if he was aware of the plan to take them - is sort of, well, not kidnapping, let's say custodial interference, and his plan to get them back to familiar surroundings isn't going to be looked at as simply that - returning them home by whatever means necessary.

Without an order they have equal rights and "sometimes" the Courts don't look at simply grabbing kids and running as a good thing to do.

Devil's Advocate -

[ScottGem]

I wonder if her taking the kids in the first place - and I have no idea if he was aware of the plan to take them - is sort of, well, not kidnapping, let's say custodial interference, and his plan to get them back to familiar surroundings isn't going to be looked at as simply that - returning them home by whatever means necessary.

Without an order they have equal rights and "sometimes" the Courts don't look at simply grabbing kids and running as a good thing to do.

Devil's Advocate -

Hmm, that's a possibility I hadn't considered. On the other hand, even if she did leave without discussing it, if she had already filed for separation, he should have used legal means to regain them rather than subterfuge.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out. Our prayers are with you Kelli so keep us posted.

[kellisbattle]

No my inlaws (even though they in the middle of it now) don't want to be in the middle so they told both attorney's they would sign one for each only stating that we are both fit parents. The only reason I had left in the first place is because he told me the girls were irratating him & told me to go. Then that week we werehere I tried discussing us & our future & he only continued cusing @ me & hanging up the phone. & finally told me he didn't give a f*** what I did & didn't care if me & the girls came back home, so that night I decided I was not putting my girls back into that negative environment & they would be happier & safer just to stay. The next day I got a job & found a really good daycare & that's what we did for a week until he pulled a fast one on me

[George_1950]

Kelli, you have a lawyer, correct? As Scott mentioned, you have an agreement with your husband that he broke. I don't see how affidavits can be sufficient to determine custody in a contested divorce. The circumstances of the separation are critical to the grounds for divorce and the 'best interests of the children' test for custody. I hope you are seeking divorce on other than 'no fault' grounds; go for mental cruelty, or its version in your state. Ask for attorneys fees and temporary and permanent alimony, as well as custody, child support, and all the rest pertaining to property and payment of debts. You need a good lawyer at this point.

[George_1950]

no my inlaws (even though they in the middle of it now) dont want 2 be in the middle so they told both attorney's they would sign one for each only stating that we are both fit parents. the only reason i had left in the first place is because he told me the girls were irratating him & told me to go. then that week we werehere i tried discussing us & our future & he only continued cusing @ me & hanging up the phone. & finally told me he didnt give a f*** what i did & didnt care if me & the girls came back home, so that night i decided i was not putting my girls back into that negitive environment & they would be happier & safer just to stay. the next day i got a job & found a really good daycare & thats what we did for a week untill he pulled a fast one on me

See, this is what the judge needs to hear, not read from an affidavit. You need an attorney that believes in you and the rightness of your case.

[JudyKayTee]

no my inlaws (even though they in the middle of it now) dont want 2 be in the middle so they told both attorney's they would sign one for each only stating that we are both fit parents. the only reason i had left in the first place is because he told me the girls were irratating him & told me to go. then that week we werehere i tried discussing us & our future & he only continued cusing @ me & hanging up the phone. & finally told me he didnt give a f*** what i did & didnt care if me & the girls came back home, so that night i decided i was not putting my girls back into that negitive environment & they would be happier & safer just to stay. the next day i got a job & found a really good daycare & thats what we did for a week untill he pulled a fast one on me

I'm sure your Attorney has told you that signed Affidavits are pretty useless in a custody battle - it's the personal testimony that counts.

You can make an argument that your husband is an unfit parent but, again, you left with the children and afterward allowed the children to visit with him, apparently unsupervised, for a day and a half. Then he didn't return them and now he's an unfit parent. See where I'm going with this?

These things are best left to an Attorney because your own words can - and probably will - be used against you.

Do I think he's going to get anything but vistiaton? No. Do I think you, as the mother, not unfit, will lose custody? No.

At what point did you file for divorce/separation? Or did he file first?

I still think you can do nothing at this point but wait for the Judge to rule and put your trust in your Attorney.

I may sound unsympathetic but I am not - I am simply telling you how I see the situation from a legal point of view. Personally I think you were being fair in allowing him to see the children. Legally I think that can be twisted around.

[kellisbattle]

I do have an attorney, she's great & has been working on my case non stop since I met with her last Friday. The only thing I'm worried about a little is she is young & doesn't have the experience that his attorney has, but she is trying as hard as she can. & she has cross countered all of his divorce & custody papers. It just bothers me because he got emergency temporary custody of the girls without their being an emergency. All his affidavit said was that I moved with the girls & he felt they should be with him... there was no emergency!! Not one negative allegation against me & the judge signed off on it. What do you think my chances are of getting them back?. I have better work hrs, all our family is here, they were going to a well known daycare, church, & I was the primary parent... but I'm afraid his name there is going to hurt me

[George_1950]

Your chances are better than 50/50, but don't worry about that. The most significant evidence is that you are the primary parent; so what evidence do you have to prove this? Just curious: is your attorney a mother? Don't be concerned about his name; the judge may hold it against him.

[kellisbattle]

Judy unfortunately he did file first. We had a verbal agreement on what we were going to do with custody, visitation & child support. That is the only reason I agreed to let him see them for one day, I had no idea what his real intentions were, if I had I would have for sure filed first. Unfortunately I won't be able to prove that verbal agreement. The judge is the one who only wanted affidavits & not a hearing. If it was up to me I would much rather go before the judge & testify

[George_1950]

judy unfortunately he did file first. we had a verbal agreement on what we were going to do with custody, visitation & child support. that is the only reason i agreed to let him see them for one day, i had no idea what his real intentions were, if i had i would hav for sure filed first. unfortunately i wont be able to prove that verbal agreement. the judge is the one who only wanted affidavits & not a hearing. if it was up to me i would much rather go before the judge & testify

Well, kelli, that's why there are lawyers; because you can prove a verbal agreement. I have a difficult time believing you cannot have a hearing, certainly within two to four weeks on the issue of temporary custody, not emergency custody. The fact is, you need a hearing to prove the request for emergency hearing was a fraud. That hearing could go a long way toward showing the kind of father and litigant your husband really is, as well as the credibility of his attorney. As they say, what goes around, comes around.

[kellisbattle]

George 1950... the only real evidence I have for being the primary parent is I only worked 8 hrs a week to his 40 + hrs.. Last summer he was gone for 3 1/2 months going through the academy & only home 1 day a week during that period. Of course I cooked most all meals took & picked up our 4yr old from preschool, took them to all dr. appts bought all their clothes & food. But who's to say he's not going to say he did all of those things instead of me. Its going to all be based on affidavits & not actual testimony

[George_1950]

Yes: baths, washed and folds clothes, purchases clothes, sorts and throws away clothes, plans meals, buys groceries, prepares and cleans up after meals, reads stories, puts daughters to bed, does the potty-training, cuts the nails, finger polish, brushes hair, dresses for church (?), speaking of which, do you go to Sunday School or something like that? There are witnesses everywhere that your daughters are seen with either you or her father. Who do you suppose is doing all these things now?

[ScottGem]

it just bothers me because he got emergency temporary custody of the girls without their being an emergency. all his affidavit said was that i moved with the girls & he felt they should be with him.... there was no emergency!!!!

I think you are too wrapped in the word emergency. All it means in this case is an expedited hearing. Since possession is 9/10ths of the law and since he had physical custody of the kids the judge ruled that they should stay with him until a permanent decision can be made. So, I wouldn't worry too much about that part.

I am concerned that the judge is basing his decision on affadavits rather than testimony. But no matter what the judge rules, it can be appealed.

[kellisbattle]

Oh I'm sure this last week he has had them he is probably paradeing them around town & laying guilt trips out to people that he's trying to be a good single father, I mean who knows what he is telling people. He is such a deceiving manipulative person, he could sell honey to bees

[Fr_Chuck]

I will not say it is going to be easy, and yes if a family is well known to the judges, they will often rule against you, I have seen a man where the women was using drugs and sleeping with me and she still got custody of the children over a hard working man.

So all you can do is hire the best and most dirty fighting attorney you can get.

[JudyKayTee]

i do have an attorney, shes great & has been working on my case non stop since i met with her last friday. the only thing im worried about a little is she is young & doesnt have the experience that his attorney has, but she is trying as hard as she can. & she has cross countered all of his divorce & custody papers. it just bothers me because he got emergency temporary custody of the girls without their being an emergency. all his affidavit said was that i moved with the girls & he felt they should be with him.... there was no emergency!!!! not one negitive allegation aginst me & the judge signed off on it. what do you think my chances are of getting them back? .... i have better work hrs, all our family is here, they were going to a well known daycare, church, & i was the primary parent... but im afraid his name there is going to hurt me

First, I wouldn't be too worried about a young Attorney - I want my Attorney to be a (first of all) responsive and on her toes. It sounds like yours is. If you read through the posts you will how many of the power-house guys take a case and then getting them to answer your phone calls or respond to papers is like pulling teeth. Experience is good but it's getting more and more difficult to get into law school because of the numbers applying, she's graduated and passed the Bar so you know she's bright. And capable.

I've already said - and I don't want to upset you - I can see how he got emergency custody. His version probably is that you just packed and left without telling him, he didn't know where his children were and so forth. You took them, he took them back. You are both the parents and you have equal rights to the children - if he had packed them up and moved them hours away you might have kept them and also filed for custody.

Do I think you'll get them back? Yes. You are their mother and (apparently) have been the primary caregiver and unless you are unfit, yes, I think you'll get them back.

I've seen strange decisions, I've seen family and influence and all sorts of things matter BUT if that is the result (and, again, I don't think it will be) you can always appeal and you have to believe what your Attorney tells you about custody back. He could know everybody in that Town or County but that does not make you a bad parent and does not mean that you should lose custody. He doesn't have to prove he's good; he has to prove you're bad.

My concern is - again - the leaving and not telling him, the fact that you say he's abusive but you let him have the children overnight. You are arguing against yourself in some ways.

[JudyKayTee]

oh im sure this last week he has had them he is probably paradeing them around town & laying guilt trips out to people that hes trying to be a good single father, i mean who knows what he is telling people. he is such a deceiving manipulative person, he could sell honey to bees

Unless the bees are hearing the case none of this matters - :)

I think you just have to take a deep breath (and this has to be beyond horrible for you) and trust that this is a stumbling block, that you will get your children back, that your Attorney is working hard for you, that it will be OK.

You have to be very, very careful to be calm and collected, not appear hysterical or unstable in any way (and this kind of loss can just throw you off your feet and you find yourself saying things you later regret), TRUST YOUR ATTORNEY and wait - unfortunately, and wait.

You've got to hang in there - you can't only look at the bad side of this, what he could be doing. Try to also look at the good side, the brighter side. You were/are a good mother, these are your kids, it will work out. You will have an Order in place. Once you get through this you will be OK.