[Plumleaf1317]

I need to read your words of how you let go in your broken relationship.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Sometimes only time will heal wounds.

But I think you need to elaborate on what you mean by "let go". Are you referring to letting a long relationship go? Infidelity? Or just plain heartbreak?

[bigbird213]

Without a doubt the first step is accepting that it is over. Leave the false hopes behind. You must truly believe, not just tell yourself, that it is over and it is never coming back...

From there, time will heal the rest.

[progunr]

It has been a very long time since I had to deal with those type of feelings, and I don't miss it a bit, nothing is harder to get over than a broken heart.

I do remember reading something way back, that said we all have the "choice" in how to accept and deal with bad events that happen in our lives.

The author, sorry I can't remember who, basically put it this way.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend breaks up with you. You have 2 ways in which you can "choose" to look at this event.

1- Oh woe is me, she/he was the only person in this world that I can ever love, I will never find anyone else, I'm stuck being all alone for the rest of my life!

OR, you can to look at it this way:

2- Wow, thank God we won't be having those horrible arguments anymore, even though I loved him/her, there were these things I couldn't stand about him/her, now, I'm free, again, to find the real true love that waits for me out there somewhere. I am so lucky that this is over.

While both ways of accepting this event could be accurate, the closer you can come, to looking at it as was done in the second example, the better off you will be, and the quicker you can get over the pain that you will feel with any such loss.

I do wish you a speedy recovery from your current pain, it will not last forever, I promise.

[Plumleaf1317]

Sometimes only time will heal wounds.

But I think you need to elaborate on what you mean by "let go". Are you referring to letting a long relationship go? Infidelity? Or just plain heartbreak?

I'm wanting to learn to let go of being in a 8 1/2 years relationship.

[Plumleaf1317]

Without a doubt the first step is accepting that it is over. Leave the false hopes behind. You must truly believe, not just tell yourself, that it is over and it is never coming back...

From there, time will heal the rest.

What if I truly don't believe it's over?

[Plumleaf1317]

It has been a very long time since I had to deal with those type of feelings, and I don't miss it a bit, nothing is harder to get over than a broken heart.

I do remember reading something way back, that said we all have the "choice" in how to accept and deal with bad events that happen in our lives.

The author, sorry I can't remember who, basically put it this way.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend breaks up with you. You have 2 ways in which you can "choose" to look at this event.

1- Oh woe is me, she/he was the only person in this world that I can ever love, I will never find anyone else, I'm stuck being all alone for the rest of my life!

OR, you can to look at it this way:

2- Wow, thank God we won't be having those horrible arguments anymore, even though I loved him/her, there were these things I couldn't stand about him/her, now, I'm free, again, to find the real true love that waits for me out there somewhere. I am so lucky that this is over.

While both ways of accepting this event could be accurate, the closer you can come, to looking at it as was done in the second example, the better off you will be, and the quicker you can get over the pain that you will feel with any such loss.

I do wish you a speedy recovery from your current pain, it will not last forever, I promise.

Thank you for the #2...

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Then that means that you are in denial. How long have you been broken up? And if you don't believe that its over why are you posting a queston asking how to get over it? I think deep down you really do know that its over.

[bigbird213]

What if I truly don't believe it's over?

This is a very common problem that I see with people who just get out of breakups. Hell, it's a problem that I have had. The worst part about it, is it really takes time to come to this realization as well.

If you follow stories of breakups on here, you will notice that people begin to do well, then after a certain period, they hit a wall and start over. They feel like they have been dumped all over again. Why? Because they finally gave up and realized that it is over, and it isn't coming back.

One of the reasons that no contact is advised so heavily here is that it allows your mind to understand that things are VERY different then they were before. It lets you feel the "sting" immediately, so there is no time for denial or false hope. If you are still in contact with her, I would recommend ending it ASAP.

Once you end contact, keep your eyes on the future. 8.5 years is a very long time to be attached to someone and the pain you feel is very real. Know that it will fade in time, but it will take a lot of work and a lot of strength.

You can do it, and we can help.

[bigbird213]

Then that means that you are in denial. How long have you been broken up? And if you don't believe that its over why are you posting a queston asking how to get over it? I think deep down you really do know that its over.

Speaking from my own experience, I don't know that he knows its over deep down. I would venture to guess that he wants to know that it is over deep down, but doesn't know how to get his heart to believe his mind. Denial can be a real b*tch...

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Speaking from my own experience, I don't know that he knows its over deep down. I would venture to guess that he wants to know that it is over deep down, but doesn't know how to get his heart to believe his mind. Denial can be a real b*tch....

Well, yes, that is what I meant...

[Nestorian]

It has been a very long time since I had to deal with those type of feelings, and I don't miss it a bit, nothing is harder to get over than a broken heart.

I do remember reading something way back, that said we all have the "choice" in how to accept and deal with bad events that happen in our lives.

The author, sorry I can't remember who, basically put it this way.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend breaks up with you. You have 2 ways in which you can "choose" to look at this event.

1- Oh woe is me, she/he was the only person in this world that I can ever love, I will never find anyone else, I'm stuck being all alone for the rest of my life!

OR, you can to look at it this way:

2- Wow, thank God we won't be having those horrible arguments anymore, even though I loved him/her, there were these things I couldn't stand about him/her, now, I'm free, again, to find the real true love that waits for me out there somewhere. I am so lucky that this is over.

While both ways of accepting this event could be accurate, the closer you can come, to looking at it as was done in the second example, the better off you will be, and the quicker you can get over the pain that you will feel with any such loss.

I do wish you a speedy recovery from your current pain, it will not last forever, I promise.

Haha, or as Austin Powers puts it, "Wait a tick, that means i'm single again!!!!:)"

[Jiser]

I did no contact. ;] Problem solved.

[Plumleaf1317]

Thank you all for your answers. Now how do I delete my questions?

[ChihuahuaMomma]

You don't. Why do you need to delete it?

[Plumleaf1317]

I need to "move on" and "let go"... Thanks for your feedback.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Then do that, but other people can learn from this post, so we choose not to let members delete them. Just don't return. You can unsubscribe to the post so that it doesn't let you know when someone has responded on it.

[Sikativ]

Sometimes, you think you're over it... then something happens and you digress... taking a couple steps back.

Its natural, sure as hell happened with me but I fought through it and let go all over again.

Tough times call for tough skinned measures!

-Sik

[talaniman]

I'm wanting to learn to let go of being in a 8 1/2 years relationship.

Click on the links in my signature and read the stickies for this forum.

What if I truly don't believe it's over?

Acceptance will set you free.