[elouise1]

Hey Everyone,
Not sure really where to start with this, but ill try somewhere. I use to go out with a boy (8monthd) to be exact, when we were going out him and my friend got along well like not so much that I would think anything was happening but it made me a bit uncomfortable due to the fact my friend use to hook up with a lot of boys. Anyway ill try and cut this shor twe broke up and a few months 2 or 3 after that she came and approached me and asked if they could hang out just as friends, my instinct said no of course and that it would be totally wrong but I felt bad not to trust her so I said yes. Anyway I had asked her heaps of times if they had and she was saying nono we only talk on email and I still instinct knew better, but I chose to forget about it a bit. Turns out that they had hung out three times and hooked up once. There were numerous times when we were out and I thought they were msging etc etc . Anyway she was not going to tell me, luckily one of my other friends had found out and told me. I of course felt so betrayed and upset that my friend of nearly a decade could do this to me. This was about 3 months ago now, and now that the initial blow of it is over I don't seem to be feeling any better. We are in the same friendship group and initially a lot of people stopped talking to her, even though I did not ask or expect that of them, now slowly she is ocming back into our lives. Basically I'm having trouble letting this go every time, she has made me feel completely worthless she has tried to apologise but I just keep feeling depressed about this something that I was not usually and angry every time I see my friends hang out with her. I compare myself constantly to her and even though I know she was wrong and I know she did a bad thing and I know everyone else knows that, I can't help but feeling worthless. It's a hard situation to explain and ill be happy if anyone is still reading to the end of this comment, but I just feel I can't move on from this, she has literally made me feel like nothing. I know I have good friends and friends that trust me, something she does, but I just can't look past it, she has made me a very insecure/depressed and angry person. A lot of my friends are supporting me with this and have given me good advice, but I will take anything I am desperate to feel better and I know that it doesn't tjust happen, but if anyone has experienced this or felt the same way about this I would really appreciate any help! Thanks for reading :)

[N0help4u]

Maybe she did you a favor because if he would do something like that to a girlfriend you are better off without him.
I am not sure if you are saying they were seeing each other before you broke up but at least you found out that he wasn't worth it.
If they started seeing each other after you broke up he was free to see anybody, even her, so don't hold it against her so much.
People used to ask me how I could deal with being okay with my ex husband's girlfriend
I always replied that if she can handle being with him more power to her.
Be glad things turned out the way they did or later down the road after you were deeper in the relationship he may have done the same thing with some other girl.

[Romefalls19]

It's a tough situation to handle to say the least because there are 2 opinions I can give you on this subject as I have been on both sides. My best friend slept with my ex of just over a month when I was in high school, sure it hurt, but you have to remember, they are your ex and you no longer have control over who they hook up with. My friend and I chose to move past is and now we actually joke around about it. It's a matter of how you chose to deal with it.

Second opinion, your friend had a choice to, she chose to risk your friendship for this guy. Some may call it stupid and reckless while I see it as a risk she felt she needed to take. You guys were broken up, for 3 months, and asked if she could talk to him. You agreed, granted she lied about anything going on but it was still after you broke up. Basically it depends on who broke up with who I guess.

Life is about choices, you wake up everyday with a choice to make it a good day or bad day. Don't live with anger or hate towards anyone, it's a waste of time. You have to decide whether to forgive or forget her

[talaniman]

Maybe guys handle things differently but, I have finished second more than once to friends of mine way back in the day, and honestly after a few twinges of jealousy, you move on and get over it.

But as Rome points out we have no control over the actions of others, and we may expect loyalty and honor, from our friends but others just don't see it that way. Especially when feelings of attraction are involved.

As an adult I realize its not realistic to expect our friends to deny feelings for someone just because they were an ex.

As hard as it will be you either forgive and move on, or let your feelings defeat you and make you miserable. Its very telling she chose her heart over her friendship, but life is tough sometimes. Sorry.

[JBeaucaire]

You indicate implicitly that she was wrong to get with him and "everybody knows it". Sorry, that's completely wrong. The reason it's going to take you so long to get over this is because you are feeling wronged about something you shouldn't even have much of an opinion on. Definitely not one you aim at other people.

You weren't harmed in any way that you aren't doing to yourself. You're sadness over your breakup has no place in other people's relationships, ever. You not LIKING him getting a girl so soon is your issue, not his. Him choosing someone you know is not an issue at all, unless you decide to make it one. And even then, it's still your cross to bear.

There's no reasonable argument that says any two single people can't hook up if they want, regardless of whom they've dated in the past. The Exes LOVE to pipe in their opinions, but the only thing "wrong" in this situation is all the people around you telling you're right.

You're not right, and you're hurting yourself going in circles over this. This is a lose-lose scenario. "I'm going to stay mad and hurt because other people are doing things that have nothing to do with me but I don't like it. So I'm going to be miserable."

This actually makes sense to so many people... but I don't get it.

[suzaleeny]

Sorry to hear that. Bottom line... unwritten rule that everyone is aware of by osmosis... you never ever ever, date your best friends ex. Ever. Everyone knows this rule.. If this girl truly cared for you she would not have even considered it... this shows a complete lack of regard for your feeling and her love for you. Best advise; this girl is not really your friend. She does not have your best interest or feelings at heart. She should not be trusted and you should consider her friend no more. Do not allow yourself to be sucked into her sidling up to you and information gather under the guise of friendship. She has exampled the type of person she is (self serving). Believe her actions... tangible... you can see by what she does how much she cares for you... do not listen to her words. She is a backstabber... you are in for more of the same if you allow her into your world... open your eyes and watch the actions.
Good Luck.

[fireguy40]

I agree with suzaleeny and disagree with most here.

Yes they are your ex and free to do whatever BUT your friend has played a very very bad card here!
No way should a friend get with an ex. Its just bad form and to my mind shows that they aren't a friend at all.

This may be a Nationality bias as I know things are different in the states, but here no that shouldn't happen...

Unless with one small exclusion, if after a respectable period has past i.e. 18 months 2 years, they approach you ask you if its OK and receive written permission in triplicate ;-) otherwise the friend is no friend at all !