[poppysue]

Hi everyone
Well me and my partner had some heated words (well she talked and I listened) then about half an hour later she was all sweetness and light and said that she wants to keep her proffessional life away from me and as far as the personal life is concerned she wants nothing from me at the moment. She does not want affection as it would not lead to anything.
I asked her that and all she said that when I show her affection in public she feels that I am portraying that she is my property. Confused!
Also does cuddles and kisses always have to end up in Sex? :

[Fr_Chuck]

Just knock her over the head with your clib and drag her back to your cave.

N cuddles and kisses should more often just be cuddles and kisses. People have different ideas of public effection, also depends on their professoin and what level of public display. "holding hands" or grooping each other

[JBeaucaire]

She's trying to teach what it means to be in a relationship with her. Are you listening? There's nothing to be confused about. Either you're interested in following her controlling ways, or you're not.

The only confusion comes from knowing you want one thing, then not going after it. IF this girl matches up with you (not talking about feelings, here) when you start measuring, then stay. If you don't match up, just move on.

This process doesn't have to be adversarial.

[Nestorian]

I agree with JB, it may seem harsh, the way JB put it, but if you aren't getting what you feel is needed, then move on. There are millions of people in this world, you never know what you're going to meet! Most people feel hoplessness because they have just a small limmited view of the world, and that is in effect "thier world". They forget that there is a big old world out there, and there are people who like us, are interested in us, but there is nothing really there. Could be they just think you're hot, or funny, what ever it is, its not any thing to get concerned about.

Be nice and let her know how you feel, just don't tell her who she is she knows who she is, even if she pretends not to.

[poppysue]

Yes I agree with all of you BUT all the affection I am showing in puplic is holding hands.
But is it not a sign of Love and admiration when you show a person affection in any shape or form and in public or private? Even after 18 years being together?
My Partner and I always have had interests which we done together and interests which we done individually ( we got mutal friends as well as separate friends) but now she does not want me to be included in anything. I am not overpowering in showing affection never have been but to be told I can't show her how much I love her at all anymore that I can't understand. Well the only thing I DO understand is that she maybe wants out and I just don't know why. We have been happy NORMAL up to last week so I am a bit (say at least) upset.
Take last night for instant she went to a private preview (she is an Artist) and its now 6am and she is not back yet. Don't know where she is or with whom.
Do you think she is telling me something??

[KalFour]

Maybe it just makes her uncomfortable.
I can sympathise (although I think being opposed to han holding is a bit extreme) as PDAs can be unpleasant for people in the nearby area, and also just annoying. Even innocent touching can be embarrassing for some people. One of my exs used to always hug me and liked touching my arms and neck in public, no kissing or graphic making out... but all the same I didn't enjoy it. It seemed that his constant need to touch me was possessive, and that it expressed his insecurity more than affection. It was also just awkward because he'd constantly pull me beside him while we were walking, which is just awkward and difficult. And on top of that, I like to keep my romantic life private, so the constant touching just got in the way when I wanted to be focused on other aspects of my life.
So, although I'm sure he meant it all as innocent affection, it annoyed the hell out of me. And I never said anything to him about it. If we'd stayed together longer, I might have said something eventually. And I'm sure it would have seemed totally bizarre and out of the blue to him.
She might have been feeling uncomfortable. There isn't necessarily a huge problem here. What you need to do is talk to her about it.

Kal

[JBeaucaire]

Do you think she is telling me something??

Open the door for her and find out.

"Sweetie, you know I'm a big boy. I can take it if there's something you want to tell me, something you want to share, something you want to share? Things feel distant between us and I want you to know I think honesty will serve us both in end, even if it hurts. So, anything we need to talk about, I'm ready."