[jrsg]

14 and 22, AND long distance is not a practical relationship at all.

I am 16. My girlfriends ex is 20. My girlfriend is 16. Even that 4 year difference is pretty big. She is in grade 10 of high school, he is in 3rd year of university. The relationship didn't last.

The 20 year old guy wanted a family, marriage, and a life after he graduates university. The 16 year old girl wanted some fun, and a supportive, maybe high school sweetheart style boyfriend. This difference in needs caused them to break up.

I can assure that the same will happen to you. He will want many different things than you out of the relationship, like sex. You at 14 and him at 22... I'm assuming he has a different mind than you, and different goals. The guy is a creep in the first place to be preying on 14 year olds over the internet.

If you two can have any relationship whatsoever, it would be a "big brother" "little sister" relationship. But if he wants anything more, get away from him.

I wouldn't even support you talking to this guy over the internet as friends. He is a creep, and in my opinion, you should stay away from him.

[ScottGem]

o_o
I'm sorry, I really don't know what you mean.
Of course we talk one on one,
He's one of my best friends. >_>
Nobody risks anything by having friends.

It is highly unusual and very suspicious for a 22 yr old male to be a best friend to a 14 yr old female. I'm sorry if you don't accept or believe that, but its true. Its bad enough that the relationship exists online, but to take it into the real world would be a big mistake. A 22 yr old and a 14 yr old are at vastly different stages of their lives with very different interests.

[JudyKayTee]

>_>; I've dated online before. And I can tell the difference between an internet stalker and a real person. I know who he is, have proof of it too.
And I can't really go "Find" people to date. When I get feelings, I get feelings. I'm not into the whole 'Go have small-talk with that guy from the party and see where it goes', type of thing.

Certainly - would you share how you know the difference between stalkers and real people? It's a real problem in my area and I don't have the answer.

[JudyKayTee]

well it depends on the people, how mature they are how independent they are, and the ages. if the youngest age is about 17/18 and then like 7 years older than that, IF you are read for it, then go for it. i am in a relationship with a man that is 6 years older than me, but i am very mature for my age and mentally it seems that we are the same, there is no difference in how we think or act, and we have been together for a few years now and things are going great, we are getting married. so basically i think that it depends on the situation and the people.

I have read your other posts and don't necessarily think you are very mature - before you marry you should turn yourself in on the outstanding warrant or your boyfriend is going to be raked over the coals by law enforcement.

[Kaege]

14 and 22, AND long distance is not a practical relationship at all.

I am 16. My girlfriends ex is 20. My girlfriend is 16. Even that 4 year difference is pretty big. She is in grade 10 of highschool, he is in 3rd year of university. The relationship didn't last.

The 20 year old guy wanted a family, marriage, and a life after he graduates university. The 16 year old girl wanted some fun, and a supportive, maybe highschool sweetheart style boyfriend. This difference in needs caused them to break up.

I can assure that the same will happen to you. He will want many different things than you out of the relationship, like sex. You at 14 and him at 22... I'm assuming he has a different mind than you, and different goals. The guy is a creep in the first place to be preying on 14 year olds over the internet.

If you two can have any relationship whatsoever, it would be a "big brother" "little sister" relationship. But if he wants anything more, get away from him.

I wouldn't even support you talking to this guy over the internet as friends. He is a creep, and in my opinion, you should stay away from him.

Why did you assume he's "Preying" on 14 year old girls? He doesn't want anything LIKE that. He's not a stalker. And I don't appreciate you calling my best friend a creep!
By the way, I don't talk to mindless perverts who only expect sex out of relationship, mind you. And I'm not the sort of person that only looks for fun in a relationship. Love is much more important than the highschool-sweetheart sort of deal.

[Kaege]

Certainly - would you share how you know the difference between stalkers and real people? It's a real problem in my area and I don't have the answer.

Stalkers ask personal questions, never have pictures, never tell you about their friends, say perverted things, ask for your number... a number of qualities.

Real people have proofed friends, have a realistic non-personal life-probing personality, just basically the opposite of the stalker traits.

[Kaege]

Allright, I don't want anymore answers to this original post.

(Does anyone know how to delete questions?)

Nobodie's helped, and most of the people who did answer have proven to assume all the wrong things.

End question.

[jrsg]

Why did you assume he's "Preying" on 14 year old girls? He doesn't want anything LIKE that. He's not a stalker. And I don't appreciate you calling my best friend a creep!
By the way, I don't talk to mindless perverts who only expect sex out of relationship, mind you. And i'm not the sort of person that only looks for fun in a relationship. Love is much more important than the highschool-sweetheart sort of deal.

You are 14. I don't think you even know what a mature, true love kind of relationship is. I understand why you are mad. You probably came to this site here looking for advice on how to ask this guy to be your boyfriend. You wanted support, and things like that. Instead, you got the truth.

Bottom line, you are 14 and are not mature. You think you know everything, you think you are an expert in everything. You know all. You are invincible. Everybody else is wrong. That is the kind of attitude that is scaring me. One day, if you continue meeting guys on the internet, you are going to make a mistake in your judgement. There is the possibility for tragedy here. I don't think you understand the risk you are taking. You are best to meet guys your own age, NOT 22!

You can be mad at me, I don't really care. However, what I do care about is you becoming the victim of an online predator.

If this guy is as you say, that he is NOT a creep, then he won't want to have a romantic relationship with you. If he is a respectable, decent person, he would pursue a brother-sister FRIENDSHIP style of relationship and NOTHING MORE. If this guy accepts anything more than friendship, HE IS A CREEP! I know you don't want to hear it, but trust me, ITS TRUE!

So, my advice would be as follows:
- ask the guy what kind of relationship he is looking for with you
-If he says he wants to be friends, and a brother-sister thing, okay
-If he says he wants to be romantic and be your boyfriend, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM!

I am not even sure you should stay around if he says he just wants to be friends. He could be manipulating you, and you don't even know it. So, basically, my overall advice to you would be to break all contact with this guy. Stop meeting guys over the internet. Start meeting guys your own age, or at least within reason.

-Jay


P.S, I know that what I am saying is going to piss you off, but it has to be said. For the other people on this thread... Am I the only one who feels this way about this situation?

[jrsg]

Allright, I don't want anymore answers to this orginal post.

(Does anyone know how to delete questions?)

Nobodie's helped, and most of the people who did answer have proven to assume all the wrong things.

End question.

I'm sorry you feel this way. But everybody has helped, you just can't see it.
I hope you make the right decision here.

[Kaege]

You are 14. I don't think you even know what a mature, true love kind of relationship is. I understand why you are mad. You probably came to this site here looking for advice on how to ask this guy to be your boyfriend. You wanted support, and things like that. Instead, you got the truth.

Bottom line, you are 14 and are not mature. You think you know everything, you think you are an expert in everything. You know all. You are invincible. Everybody else is wrong. That is the kind of attitude that is scaring me. One day, if you continue meeting guys on the internet, you are going to make a mistake in your judgement. There is the possibility for tragedy here. I don't think you understand the risk you are taking. You are best to meet guys your own age, NOT 22!

You can be mad at me, I don't really care. However, what I do care about is you becoming the victim of an online predator.

If this guy is as you say, that he is NOT a creep, then he won't want to have a romantic relationship with you. If he is a respectable, decent person, he would persue a brother-sister FRIENDSHIP style of relationship and NOTHING MORE. If this guy accepts anything more than friendship, HE IS A CREEP! I know you don't want to hear it, but trust me, ITS TRUE!

So, my advice would be as follows:
- ask the guy what kind of relationship he is looking for with you
-If he says he wants to be friends, and a brother-sister thing, okay
-If he says he wants to be romantic and be your boyfriend, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM!

I am not even sure you should stay around if he says he just wants to be friends. He could be manipulating you, and you don't even know it. So, basically, my overall advice to you would be to break all contact with this guy. Stop meeting guys over the internet. Start meeting guys your own age, or at least within reason.

-Jay


P.S, I know that what I am saying is going to piss you off, but it has to be said. For the other people on this thread... Am I the only one who feels this way about this situation?

I tried not to come off as that way, sorry that I did; No, I don't think I know everything and I know I'm just a 14 year old kid, and I could understand why you'd think that's how I feel.
But believe me when I say that no, I don't think I'm an expert, etcetera.

I didn't expect every response to be supportive, but I also didn't expect to have my feelings ridiculed, of sorts, by most of them either. (Not you personally, by the way.)


I can't help who I meet, I use the computer a lot, and I socialize via MMORPGS and other sorts. I'm going to make friends with people online. I can't choose who I fall for, and I don't personally like the fact it always ends up being someone out of reason.

Perhaps when I'm older it will be easier, because it tends to be I fall for the more mature types, (Who of course tend to be older), rather than most of the perverted teenage population at my school.


Thank you for your advice and your opinion.

[jrsg]

Sorry if I came across as a jerk, but the reason I do that is because I care. The reason everybody here speaks up this way is because they care.
The reality is, is that there are thousands of teens who are preyed on every day. You can't blame us for looking at the situation the way we do.

I think you need to look at this situation though. Find out what he wants. If he wants more, I strongly recommend you break contact with him. But really think, he is 22. You are 14. Sorry, but it just isn't practical.

And I know that you can't choose who you fall for, but maturing involves making smart decisions, and good choices. You need to start thinking with your head, and not with your heart. Love isn't the only part of a relationship.

The internet is great thing. It provides us with a resource to research projects for school. It allows us to communicate, and to socialize. It also makes us vulnerable to many bad people, including online predators.

So, I hope you make a smart decision based on our advice, and on your own thoughts and expirience. Let me know what you choose to do. I will stop trying to convince you to think the way I do, sorry for doing that. But, you know how I feel, and my thoughts on your situation. So good luck with this, and I hope you make a good, responsible, mature decision.

No hard feelings right?

[Kaege]

It is highly unusual and very suspicious for a 22 yr old male to be a best friend to a 14 yr old female. I'm sorry if you don't accept or believe that, but its true. Its bad enough that the relationship exists online, but to take it into the real world would be a big mistake. A 22 yr old and a 14 yr old are at vastly different stages of their lives with very different interests.

How is that supicious? I'M not HIS best friend really, but I consider him one of mine.
If we were that vastly different anyway, we wouldn't be friends.
Honestly I'd have to say we're pretty much the same at Mental Level.

[Kaege]

Sorry if I came across as a jerk, but the reason I do that is because I care. The reason everybody here speaks up this way is becasue they care.
The reality is, is that there are thousands of teens who are preyed on every day. You can't blame us for looking at the situation the way we do.

I think you need to look at this situation though. Find out what he wants. If he wants more, I strongly recommend you break contact with him. But really think, he is 22. You are 14. Sorry, but it just isn't practical.

And I know that you can't choose who you fall for, but maturing involves making smart decisions, and good choices. You need to start thinking with your head, and not with your heart. Love isn't the only part of a relationship.

The internet is great thing. It provides us with a resource to research projects for school. It allows us to communicate, and to socialize. It also makes us vulnerable to many bad people, including online predators.

So, I hope you make a smart decision based on our advice, and on your own thoughts and expirience. Let me know what you choose to do. I will stop trying to convince you to think the way I do, sorry for doing that. But, you know how I feel, and my thoughts on your situation. So good luck with this, and I hope you make a good, responsible, mature decision.

No hard feelings right?

Of course, thank you very much. =]

[KalFour]

Hi Kaege.
I like the way so many people have assumed an online friendship = stalker... good to know people have so much faith in the world. :P
I've had friendships over the internet too, and they can definitely be real. But they can also be misleading. People are inclined to sound very different online because, not being face-to-face, they can be more open. They also get to consider their wording before typing it, and avoid spontaneity. I'd advise anyone with feelings for an online friend to at least meet them in person before trying to get into a relationship.

The age gap is an issue. No matter how mature you are, you're at very different stages in your life. And as nice and harmless as he seems, he's 22, so probably wants sex out of a relationship. Which, at 22 is perfectly reasonable. But at 14 isn't. You want a high school romance, he wants an adult relationship.
He might like you, even respect you, but chances are he DOES see you as a child in many ways.
Maybe in a few years the age gap won't be an issue. But at the moment it probably is.

Kal

[taytortot]

No I think your too young you might get hurt but if you really feel like you should d this and you know in your hear you should then take a risk but I'm just saying it won't turn out good mabye when your like 22 and he's 29 that woud be OK but 14 and 22... no

[ScottGem]

Sorry if I came across as a jerk, but the reason I do that is because I care. The reason everybody here speaks up this way is becasue they care.
The reality is, is that there are thousands of teens who are preyed on every day. You can't blame us for looking at the situation the way we do.

....
No hard feelings right?

You did NOT come across as a jerk. Your posts here have been right on the money.

How is that supicious? I'M not HIS best friend really, but I consider him one of mine.
If we were that vastly different anyways, we wouldn't be friends.
Honestly I'd have to say we're pretty much the same at Mental Level.

That's the point you refuse to accept and understand. If you think a 14 yr old girl and 22 yr old man are on the same level, then your judgement is impaired and you are deluding yourself.

I'm sorry if you think this is ridiculing your feelings, but those of use who are mature, who have epxerience and who care about you, know you need to be told the truth. Even if you refuse to accept it.

Allright, I don't want anymore answers to this orginal post.

(Does anyone know how to delete questions?)

Nobodie's helped, and most of the people who did answer have proven to assume all the wrong things.

End question.

This is an example of how you need some more maturing. You don't like what you hear so "Nobody helped". You ignore the fact that we have all expressed concern for you. You may not feel that concern is well placed, but that's what has motivated us.

[jrsg]

You did NOT come across as a jerk. Your posts here have been right on the money.

Thanks, That's what I thought. I just needed to hear that I was right from some other people. I was just doubting myself. I just thought I might be a little hard here. Now that I think about it again, she does need a talking good to.

The fact that she won't listen to ANY of us here does show her immaturity, and it really is too bad that she would ignore us like she is doing.

I hope she does come back, and continues to 'argue' with us, for lack of a better word, and she maybe will see the light one day. That 22 year olds shouldn't date 14 year olds. There are laws in place to prevent this, and those laws are there for a reason. Even 18 would be illegal.

I just think that if she isn't going to come back, and talk to us, that we have to hope for the best. Maybe she will make her mistake. Maybe she will learn from it. She has the final decision, and if she refuses to listen, all we can really do is hope for the best...
__________________

At one point, she said that they are at the same mental and emotional level, and that is suspicious for a 22 year old, like ScottGem said. For him to even say that he has the same interests as this child is suspicious.

I stick to my opinion that Kaege should get away from this guy and cut all communication with him. She should stop meeting people online immediately. She should start thinking with her head, not her heart. Be realistic. Meet guys her own age.

[Kaege]

Thanks, Thats what I thought. I just needed to hear that I was right from some other people. I was just doubting myself. I just thought I might be a little hard here. Now that I think about it again, she does need a talking good to.

The fact that she won't listen to ANY of us here does show her immaturity, and it really is too bad that she would ignore us like she is doing.

I hope she does come back, and continues to 'argue' with us, for lack of a better word, and she maybe will see the light one day. That 22 year olds shouldn't date 14 year olds. There are laws in place to prevent this, and those laws are there for a reason. Even 18 would be illegal.

I just think that if she isn't going to come back, and talk to us, that we have to hope for the best. Maybe she will make her mistake. Maybe she will learn from it. She has the final decision, and if she refuses to listen, all we can really do is hope for the best...
__________________

At one point, she said that they are at the same mental and emotional level, and that is suspicious for a 22 year old, like ScottGem said. For him to even say that he has the same interests as this child is suspicious.

I stick to my opinion that Kaege should get away from this guy and cut all communication with him. She should stop meeting people online immediatly. She should start thinking with her head, not her heart. Be realistic. Meet guys her own age.

We both like to roleplay, we both enjoy the arts, and we both love anime. Having the same interests or hobbies isn't anything supicious.

Relationship issue aside, now you're questioning our very friendship?
I see absolutely no reason why I should just go and drop everything because of our age.


Also I didn't say that I wasn't listening, I AM listening. I guess I can't change the fact I'm coming off as immature.
But this post has gone from A relationship is out of the question, to My friend is a creep and any sort of communication is suspicious or wrong.

I asked for help on whether I should pursue what would make me happy or not,
Not for my friends to be basically insulted.

Most everyone has said the same thing, so please, for sake of my climbing stress level, I'd appreciate if the 'arguing' is over.

I apologize.

[Kaege]

You did NOT come across as a jerk. Your posts here have been right on the money.



That's the point you refuse to accept and understand. If you think a 14 yr old girl and 22 yr old man are on the same level, then your judgement is impaired and you are deluding yourself.

I'm sorry if you think this is ridiculing your feelings, but those of use who are mature, who have epxerience and who care about you, know you need to be told the truth. Even if you refuse to accept it.



This is an example of how you need some more maturing. You don't like what you hear so "Nobody helped". You ignore the fact that we have all expressed concern for you. You may not feel that concern is well placed, but that's what has motivated us.

I did not ignore that fact.

And I realize I cannot express or show any real detail to the reality of our friendship, thus it's easy to see why you all are so suspicious of it.

I guess this defeats the point of asking in the first place, but I don't think you can rightfully say you have real concern for me. I'm just a stranger.

[Kaege]

Hi Kaege.
I like the way so many people have assumed an online friendship = stalker... good to know people have so much faith in the world. :P
I've had friendships over the internet too, and they can definitely be real. But they can also be misleading. People are inclined to sound very different online because, not being face-to-face, they can be more open. They also get to consider their wording before typing it, and avoid spontaneity. I'd advise anyone with feelings for an online friend to at least meet them in person before trying to get into a relationship.

The age gap is an issue. No matter how mature you are, you're at very different stages in your life. And as nice and harmless as he seems, he's 22, so probably wants sex out of a relationship. Which, at 22 is perfectly reasonable. But at 14 isn't. You want a highschool romance, he wants an adult relationship.
He might like you, even respect you, but chances are he DOES see you as a child in many ways.
Maybe in a few years the age gap won't be an issue. But at the moment it probably is.

Kal

Mm, that is true.
I suppose waiting is mandatory, or perhaps trying again to get over it.

Thank you for your reply.