[burgalur]

I have a 18 year old son in trouble. He has always been a great student, and recently graduated with honors. He is set for college and starts in a few months. However, he is not working this summer and refuses to become employed. This is especially troubling for me - his father and I divorced when our son was less than two because his father would not work. His dad continued to only work odd jobs throughout his life, and died from a stroke at 47 (two years ago) because he stopped taking his HP meds, since he could not afford them. My son and his father were close, and I am afraid he may repeat his father's bad behavior.
Since graduation, my son rarely comes out of his room, or his bed. He watches movies most of the day. He used to work out on a rowing team for 2.5 hours a day; now he will not go to the gym. He fills out applications for jobs because I "make" him, but has not gotten a job, even part time. I have started to take away the bits of financial support (pay for gas, cellphone) I have always given him, but he still is not interested in helping himself. He has been for counseling following his father's death, and is not interested in going back.
Any ideas how I can motivate this child into moving on with his life?

[Morteza]

Does he like science?
First I should tell you that! At this age, its too difficult to change his mind. Because they feel so proud! They feel they're free and can make decision by themselves, however I myself I'm a 17 year old boy, but I'm not proud or other things! I can just advise you mother to be with him! Don't leave him and let him to think! Never let him to watch blue movies a lot cause that's too bad because something is wrong with him and he is thinking on that and I don't know what's that, but I'm sure it's a indirect philosofical matter! He is sad of something!
"18" this age doesn't mean that he knows a lot or has the ability to decide correctly. Try to be his friend! His mother! His father! Tell him positive things! Don't show him your weakness points, always be great in front of him! Don't let him to think about his father!
Be his friend!
And another problem you might face with is, some times people don't care about friendship or good behaviour, I mean they can't understand or feel good and positive things or in another words they are not passionate and can't feel what you think! They don't care about others, their mother, brother, sister, father! They're sooo stupid and understand nothing! If your boy has such a bad behaviour and can't be passionate, it will be a hardship for you to make him back to his natural life!
I can give you advice, I'm online here! [email protected] you can chat with me :)

[JBeaucaire]

A DAILY to-do list around the house, LONG, including things you know you'll never get around to doing.

"Johnny, while your home today, you need get the following done before I get home:

• Unload the dishwasher
• Vacuum the living room and the halls
• Dust the living room and Family room (vaccum first!!)
• Take everything out of the hall closet and reorganize it, sweep it out before putting the stuff back in. (Anything that you think might need to get thrown out put in a box for me to see when I get home)
• All the bedrooms need the windows cleaned, well. If you get the inside of the windows done today, that will be enough. (tomorrow's list will include doing the outside of the windows)
• Hose off the sidewalks in front (tomorrow will include hose off in back)

Each day the list should have at least 10 things on it. If the list isn't done when you get home, "That's ok, your dinner will be waiting when you finish your list, get on that stuff now."

HIM: "Why are you making me do all this stuff? It's not fair."
YOU: "At your age you should know what fair means by now, and it doesn't apply here. You're an adult and your not in school. All adults in this house produce and contribute to the household. Since you're not working, you have MORE time to produce help around the house. It's up to you, if you had a job your to-do list would be much shorter. But either way, every grownup in this house works to keep the house running. I do it, your father does it, and now you do it." Then give him and hug and remind him to finish his list in time for dinner, don't want it to get cold.