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    drPrimetime's Avatar
    drPrimetime Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jun 11, 2008, 07:04 AM
    I took advantage of her but she likes to be treated that way
    I'm 25 yrs old. Working and grad school.
    I was in a relationship for 3.5 yrs. Because we had too many arguments and conflicts of understanding things, we decided that we should call it quits but she was the one who initiated the idea. She was interested in someone else during our relationship that came which made it easier for her. She never told me about that but I found out a month after we separated while she let me in her house to have sex and I discovered it through her labtop. By the way we were still having good sex during this separations period which made me believe that there's some spark still there between us and I was ready to take her hand and give it a second shot. We did break up she ran to him right away. I had moved on with life but I still loved her. She appearently had my unborn child and miscarriaged but till this day I have no proof of medical documentation. (This happened in the midway point of our relationship).
    I called her for closure and she told me that I wasn't there for her during her miscarriage. I admit that whole period was sketchy in terms of keeping me around and it worked without me assuming anything fishy. It effected my lifestyle. If she needed more attention I would work around that but I always was questionable to the situation so I would be there if she needed me. So our closure was released on the terms that I wasn't there for her when she needed me and my thing was that I was caught in a vortex with her.
    While she was in the relationship with this guy we had sex twice then she left me without any contact for a month and I was confused. I moved on again but once it seemed everything was going well, I decided to call her right after her birthday that if she would like to hang out. We did and ended it off with some forplay. Then to make matters worse, she told me that she loves me and wished that I could be there for her Birthday party the next day. I waited the day after and saw the pictures that were posted up on his Facebook page of them smooching each other on the cheek. That pissed me off because of her not telling me about this guy initially and the incident the day before. I emailed him and told him that he's temporary and that she's going to mess you up if you get too close to her. He was defenceful and told me to stay off his business. She knows what I did to him and has her guard up. We cut things off ever since. It's been a week and I'm wondering if I should expect her to call me in the future to see if she wants to get back together. I want to see if there's some sort of chance for that so I can be preped while I move on. I probably won't get back with her but I knew since that last time we hung out that she still wanted me to be a part of her life.
    JBeaucaire's Avatar
    JBeaucaire Posts: 5,426, Reputation: 997
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    #2

    Jun 11, 2008, 09:13 AM
    You don't mind me being straighforward with you, do you? Regardless of what you think her attitude is about being treated poorly (your title to this thread indicates you think she likes it), this discussion is about you and you only.

    Here, most of the advice you will get will be about behaving honorably. It will be about looking for ways to make your life and her life better. It will be about honest behaviors, non-controlling attitudes, accepting hearts and a general all-around loving heart.

    I can find very little of those things going on in that story I just read.

    A noble man would honor what he "knows" and act accordingly. You "know" you two are done, yet YOU fiddle with her life, email her b/f, play with her sexually, etc.

    A noble man wouldn't have much tolerance for someone acting like you are.

    You only get one walk through life. You need to decide, big picture here, just what your walk is going to look like. When you look BACK on the path you've walked, are you going to be looking at a path of carnage or a path of mostly positive effects and people who've benefitted from knowing you?

    What is your path going to look like?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Jun 12, 2008, 08:02 AM
    Your actions are selfish, unhealthy, and uncaring. If you allow it to continue, you are a despicable individual, and will reap what you sow.

    This has nothing to do with her at all, only your own weak character.

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