[talaniman]

My gripe is with being manipulated by this person, and of course with the level of abuse that has been thrown my way.

I may agree that its not a good situation and your trying to do the right thing, so don't be intimidated by this folly that the chose to play. And there is no reason to subject yourself to more pain by insisting on something they are against.
They are afraid you will take control from them, and they are acting from fear. All anyone is telling you is to leave them alone until AFTER your proven to be the father. That is the prudent course of action.
We all feel your frustration and anger, no question about that.

Until all the facts are on the table, I suggest you leave her and the family alone and wait until she approaches you - if at all. If she does not, forget it and go on with your life - because I don't think you'd do the child any good either right now.

Until you have facts behind you, leave this mess alone. You have no rights until after a test. No amount of dedication, or concern will change that, and don't assume you can do whatever you want before that test, as bad as you may want to.