Check out some similar questions!

jrebel7 · Jun 9, 2008, 08:22 AM

DazT, sounds like you are having a strong case of "separation anxiety". When you had access to her number, you had one set of emotions to deal with but knowing you don't know her number, it sets up another set of emotions to deal with.

It all goes back to acceptance that this is over... whether you have her number or not. I do not take "separation anxiety" lightly. I am no expert about it other then my own experience... have no real knowledge of it... If I lose a pencil, I can get "separation anxiety", well of course, that is a bit of an exaggeration but just meaning it isn't so much what I lose, it is the absence of something that was in my life and now is gone or lost.

I always have to get a mindset in loss. I am so sorry you woke up feeling so badly. Her texting you and then finding she had changed her number spun you around. You can always find a way to contact her so I don't that that is so much the issue. Did you respond to her text? If not, you are one step closer to your new future.

Personally, I don't understand why she would want you and her to both change your numbers. I would not change mine just to help her not contact, that just means all your friends would have to be notified, businesses notified, dental and doctor offices, etc.

It sounds like to me, you have been doing fairly well in NC and this is just a bump in the road leading to a better future. If she texts again, write down the number but I would not text back. That way, you can put the number away and sort of relax about the "separation anxiety".

I think the issue of "separation anxiety" has something to do with us feeling we have no control so we must take steps to control what we can, and what we can't, let it go.

I know "Easier said than done". You are doing good, better than you even know. Best to you! Moving on is difficult as everyone on this thread will attest to. But the longer you go without contact the easier it becomes.

DazT · Jun 9, 2008, 08:28 AM

Originally Posted by jrebel7

DazT, sounds like you are having a strong case of "separation anxiety". When you had access to her number, you had one set of emotions to deal with but knowing you don't know her number, it sets up another set of emotions to deal with.

It all goes back to acceptance that this is over...........whether you have her number or not. I do not take "separation anxiety" lightly. I am no expert about it other then my own experience.....have no real knowledge of it..........If I lose a pencil, I can get "separation anxiety", well of course, that is a bit of an exaggeration but just meaning it isn't so much what I lose, it is the absence of something that was in my life and now is gone or lost.

I always have to get a mindset in loss. I am so sorry you woke up feeling so badly. Her texting you and then finding she had changed her number spun you around. You can always find a way to contact her so I don't that that is so much the issue. Did you respond to her text? If not, you are one step closer to your new future.

Personally, I don't understand why she would want you and her to both change your numbers. I would not change mine just to help her not contact, that just means all your friends would have to be notified, businesses notified, dental and doctor offices, etc.

It sounds like to me, you have been doing fairly well in NC and this is just a bump in the road leading to a better future. If she texts again, write down the number but I would not text back. That way, you can put the number away and sort of relax about the "separation anxiety".

I think the issue of "separation anxiety" has something to do with us feeling we have no control so we must take steps to control what we can, and what we can't, let it go.

I know "Easier said than done". You are doing good, better than you even know. Best to you! Moving on is difficult as everyone on this thread will attest to. But the longer you go without contact the easier it becomes.

Yeah, I see what you mean. I didn't have the control I once had. Because, even when I did have her number, I didn't contact her once.. so what difference does it make?

She text me a message off her new number saying "Can you give my sister back my DVD tomorrow please?".. a month and a half later, I still haven't gave her DVD back, so I don't think she's even that bothered about the DVD, I just think she wanted to let me know that she has a new number just so if I want to go chasing after her, I have the number to do so. I just text her back saying "Yeah, I'll give the dvd back when I see your sister".

Yeah, I thought it was silly changing my number, so I never bothered. It's obvious, she's finding it hard to get over me to go through all that hassel just so I don't have her number then she gave in and gave me it? It's abit weird.

But anyway, I'm getting on really well with no contact, 3 months it's been.

jrebel7 · Jun 9, 2008, 08:33 AM

Originally Posted by DazT

Yeah, I see what you mean. I didn't have the control I once had. Because, even when I did have her number, I didn't contact her once.. so what difference does it make?

She text me a message off her new number saying "Can you give my sister back my DVD tomorrow please?".. a month and a half later, I still haven't gave her DVD back, so I don't think she's even that bothered about the DVD, I just think she wanted to let me know that she has a new number just so if I want to go chasing after her, I have the number to do so. I just text her back saying "Yeah, I'll give the dvd back when I see your sister".

Yeah, I thought it was silly changing my number, so I never bothered. It's obvious, she's finding it hard to get over me to go through all that hassel just so I don't have her number then she gave in and gave me it?! It's abit weird.

But anyways, I'm getting on really well with no contact, 3 months it's been.

Sounds like you are doing good then and have made a come back from your down day! Good for you! :)

bigbird213 · Jun 9, 2008, 08:40 AM

Hey all,

Just checking up on all you guys... Hope everyone is doing well.

I'm going on somewhere around 1.5-2 months, I haven't really counted and don't intend on it. I couldn't even tell you what day it was that we broke up - doesn't matter :)

For anyone struggling -- keep it up. Sooner rather than later you notice the results, and from there on out it all gets easier. The little bit of progess you make inspires you to keep going and one day you will feel fine again. I don't know if I would say that I am "great", but I am definitely okay.

I am still keeping busy, going out whenever there is something going on and looking forward to meeting new people in the future. Who knows what might come up...

Hang in there everyone.

damaged · Jun 9, 2008, 08:46 AM

Originally Posted by DazT

. It's obvious, she's finding it hard to get over me to go through all that hassel just so I don't have her number then she gave in and gave me it?! It's abit weird.

But anyways, I'm getting on really well with no contact, 3 months it's been.

It's a mind game they love to play... you got to prove to them and mostly to ourselves that we are strong enough to not chase/ txt/ call them... Keep it strong you are doing good... You will have bad days.. we all do... but if you hang tough you'll come out stronger than you already are!. ""This too shall pass""

damaged · Jun 9, 2008, 08:49 AM

Hey BB...
Im glad your doing "Okay".. Its awesome!. Keep up the good work :)

plonak · Jun 9, 2008, 09:18 AM

Hey guys,

I broke NC last night.. he sent me a text and I replied.. I know it's bad, but tonight around 10pm I'm going to lay it all out there and tell him we don't have a chance of getting back together.. I know it's going to be hard, but I think he needs to hear this so he can move on. He doesn't seem to get it in his head that it's over. Maybe then he will leave me alone...

bigbird213 · Jun 9, 2008, 09:54 AM

Plonak,

Since you want him to leave you alone (basically) it might be best to lay it out to him like that. Some might say just ignore him, but if he wasn't totally clear on your intentions, and what was happening, it might be best to tell him like that. Just be sure that you don't keep letting him get you to call after this, at some point you may need to put your foot down.

I think its best that your open and honest with him. Don't tell him anything that might give him hope, even though that might make it easier for him in the short term. False hope is a killer in the long term. I'm sure you don't want him hanging on and getting hurt even more, so honesty is always the best... I'm sure you know that.

Be nice, but firm. You sound a little annoyed ("Maybe then he will leave me alone..."), just don't come across this way to him. You don't want him thinking you hate him, that would make it harder on him...

Good luck, and you know where to find us...

spion_kop · Jun 9, 2008, 11:20 AM

It's been more than a month now. I'd say that it's getting better and better each day. Just today I'm feeling a bit down and I thought about her.
This past weekend, I went out of town to visit some old friends of mine and had suchhhhh a blast! I did nothing but relax, take it easy and re charge my batteries!
How's everyone else?

jpm247 · Jun 9, 2008, 11:29 AM

Doing OK thanks Spion. Guess I feel a little left out sometimes because all my mates seem to be in a relationship, but I try to not let that bother me. Looking forward to being totally happy on my own, and then one day finding someone else.

spion_kop · Jun 9, 2008, 11:36 AM

JPM!! That's weird because that's happening to me too. When I was with my ex, most of my friends were single and now it's the opposite. But don't let it bring you down, after all, now they will come to you for advice on what to do etc. You're the more experienced person now and just keep your chin up!

damaged · Jun 9, 2008, 11:43 AM

That happens.. lol... now even animals have a mate or couple or w.e:D... But its okay!. things will get better!!

jpm247 · Jun 9, 2008, 02:54 PM

Don't know why, but having a bit of a down moment. Probably because we lost our 5 a side footy game tonight and I was pants, so guess feeling a bit useless for a bit.

Aaakkk

Stop being a sad sack! Just sometimes I can't look at all the great things that I have going for me, I get a bit caught up in the past, and look at what I haven't. I guess sometimes your up and sometimes your down.

Better day tomorrow I hope.

hjpan · Jun 9, 2008, 05:21 PM

10 days~ *sigh*

Well, I told my sister that I want a military career and work in the psychology field. I also told her that I wanted to become a street racer.

Then, we talked about my relationship...
It was hard, but I managed to talk her directly with it.

Sikativ · Jun 9, 2008, 05:24 PM

Good News: My surgery went well and am now in the healing process (damn it hurts more than it did before, but with blood now)

There's no bad news to be said because her dads getting her stuff!!

-dances-

-Sik

damaged · Jun 9, 2008, 05:28 PM

Glad your surgery went well... I bet it hurts like s****.. hope you get well soon!.
Good to hear her dad is getting her stuff

hjpan · Jun 9, 2008, 05:32 PM

Originally Posted by Sikativ

Good News: My surgery went well and am now in the healing process (damn it hurts more than it did before, but with blood now)

Theres no bad news to be said because her dads getting her stuff!!!

-dances-

-Sik

That's cool :)

I am planning on getting my stuff back after I finish my Army training (whenever I get sent)... lol

starlite1 · Jun 9, 2008, 05:33 PM

Originally Posted by Sikativ

Good News: My surgery went well and am now in the healing process (damn it hurts more than it did before, but with blood now)

Theres no bad news to be said because her dads getting her stuff!!!

-dances-

-Sik

Hi Sik,

I'm glad your surgery went well! I hope you feel better! I'm also happy for you that her dad is picking up her stuff. It's all good my friend! :D

Sikativ · Jun 9, 2008, 05:44 PM

Thanks everyone :)

Its funny also, we both are in a chatroom about a certain hobby. And its like nothing ever happened and it amuses me to no extent. :P

Is it bad that I have such a POSITIVE outlook at just about EVERYTHING in my life now that she's GONE?

-Sik

starlite1 · Jun 9, 2008, 05:54 PM

Originally Posted by Sikativ

Thanks everyone :)

its funny also, we both are in a chatroom about a certain hobby. And its like nothing ever happened and it amuses me to no extent. :P

Is it bad that I have such a POSITIVE outlook at just about EVERYTHING in my life now that she's GONE?

-Sik

No way! That is awesome, and by all means, you should have a positive attitude. You are on the up and up!! That is great! Keep that positive attitude and you will draw positive things to you! :)