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stilldelish · Jun 9, 2008, 08:18 AM

Please read entire thread before throwing out your judgement onto me. My question is to find out what right(s) I will have on my side as a mother and single parent if I have to fight off or against the father & his wife from taking my child.

Here is the situation, over a year ago I met a man and began a relationship with him. Months after I learned he was still married at which time I was already 2 months pregnant, at which time he informed me of his wife and then proceeded to have her insert her rights to want to know my doctors, my medical appointments, and any and all information regarding my pregnancy, I suffered a miscarriage at 11wks. She later informed me that I should be thankful that I lost the child, since her and her husband were already speaking with attorneys to fight for full custody of the child. Her husband later informed me that she was just angry and didn't mean what she was saying.

Now you think I would have learned my lesson, but sadly I can not explain the desires of one's heart. I have once again been with the husband this year, after he expressly stated that he and her were going through a divorce, he showed me paperwork that had been filed. Believing him, I once again got together with him. Now before any of you mention birth control, I had just started to take birth control in late February. Before being with him again I followed doctors advice and we used condoms, I cycled as normal at the end of march, but not in April. After a positive home test and then followed up by a doctors visit I have learned that I am again pregnant.

But as in the past, he and her have taken a trip and are once again speaking on what is considered civil terms, she has now begun to speak of wanting to have a child in their marriage. I am struggling with whether to inform him or not of my current condition. I am worried that it will once again cause her to start the legal proceedings, I don't want to make the decision for my child on not knowing their true parentage. However, I also can not fathom only having visitation rights with my child. I am very worried that as a single parent the courts would favor the more stable home of a married couple. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 9, 2008, 08:28 AM

First the wife of your lover has no rights, in fact not even a right to talk to you, I would never had even discussed anything, And the lover since you are not married, has no right to know your doctors, or any of the business of the baby until the baby is born.

Ok, a person who is burned by fire and then jumps into the blaze sort of gets what they deserve. ( sorry)

Again, don't speak to her, don't speak to him if they are upsetting you I would not say anything until at least the baby is born.

No the courts will normally go with the mother as long as you are not a danger to the child, at worst they would get joint custody 1/2 and 1/2
But most likely just visitation.

Single mom VS a man who is always cheating on his wife ( not a loving home in my booK)

ScottGem · Jun 9, 2008, 08:30 AM

I think the odds are on your side, but not stacked against him. If he can afford a good lawyer, there is a chance that they could gain custody. However, his wife has no rights until the court rules on custody. There is no predicting what a court will rule. Generally the best interests of the child are what's considered.

AKaeTrue · Jun 9, 2008, 08:59 AM

Are you in the US? If so,
A relationship between a man who cheats on his wife and a wife that allows it is NOT considered stable.
I don't believe a court would rule in their favor based on a stable home.
If you have a job and can show the court you are responsible and can provide for your child, it's not likely that you'll lose custody.
You are not required to tell them anything and it is against the law for your doctors or healthcare providers to speak to them without your permission.
Don't let them intimidate you during your pregnancy.
If you are worried about what they will do and how to handle it,
You always have the option to wait and tell them after the baby is born and after you have filed for full custody.
Best wishes either way.

NowWhat · Jun 9, 2008, 09:03 AM

If it would put your mind at ease a little, contact an attorney before you tell your child's father. Most offer free consultations.

As Fr. Chuck said, SHE has no rights here as of now.

jhernan082975 · Jun 17, 2008, 08:20 AM

Originally Posted by stilldelish

Please read entire thread before throwing out your judgement onto me. My question is to find out what right(s) I will have on my side as a mother and single parent if I have to fight off or against the father & his wife from taking my child.

Here is the situation, over a year ago I met a man and began a relationship with him. Months after I learned he was still married at which time I was already 2 months pregnant, at which time he informed me of his wife and then proceeded to have her insert her rights to want to know my doctors, my medical appointments, and any and all information regarding my pregnancy, I suffered a miscarriage at 11wks. She later informed me that I should be thankful that I lost the child, since her and her husband were already speaking with attorneys to fight for full custody of the child. Her husband later informed me that she was just angry and didn't mean what she was saying.

Now you think I would of learned my lesson, but sadly I can not explain the desires of one's heart. I have once again been with the husband this year, after he expressly stated that he and her were going through a divorce, he showed me paperwork that had been filed. Believing him, I once again got together with him. Now before any of you mention birth control, I had just started to take birth control in late february. Before being with him again I followed doctors advice and we used condoms, I cycled as normal at the end of march, but not in april. After a positive home test and then followed up by a doctors visit I have learned that I am again pregnant.

But as in the past, he and her have taken a trip and are once again speaking on what is considered civil terms, she has now begun to speak of wanting to have a child in their marriage. I am struggling with whether to inform him or not of my current condition. I am worried that it will once again cause her to start the legal proceedings, I don't want to make the decision for my child on not knowing their true parentage. However, I also can not fathom only having visitation rights with my child. I am very worried that as a single parent the courts would favor the more stable home of a married couple. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I don't believe you could have your child taken away from you. Worst case scenatio he would have visitation in which she would be involved.
I am a single parent and I have a daughter who's father is not involved- I say do not tell him- I wish I had listened to everyone and not told my daughters father...

blackblue · Jul 11, 2008, 09:37 PM

Like others have said contact an attorney (if you can afford one) but you have a moral obligation to let the father know of his child.If you are stable and have a job then they would probably not do anything as far as taking the child away.YOU are the mother and the father is not the father until his name is on the BC.

The wife needs to butt out.Try to make this as easy as possible for the sake of the child.God know she won't.That is one thing to bring up, if she wants to automatically take the kid away from his/her mother, that is not in the best interest of the kid rather it is her own selfish intent.

And like somebody already mentioned, you do not need to share any information regarding the pregnancy.

Don't let him pressure you because you know it will be from her.

Good luck.