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dirtyteabag · Jun 7, 2008, 05:53 AM

Hi I'm Sophie and I'm 16, Ive been with my boyfriend 10 months and he is 19.My mum and Dad kind of went crazy when they found out but with time they have kind of got used to it.My Mum is ill and has recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer and since that we have become closer than ever before.My Mum always ask's me if I have done anything with my boyfriend yet,in which I reply the truth no.She then says to me let it stay that way your too young.But I'm 16,I've never felt anything for any other bloke like I feel for my boyfriend now.Both me and My boyfriend have sat and talked about having sex and as we both are virgins we feel we are ready.I am I know I am and I would but boyfriend we get close to it my Mums voice comes into my head and with her being so ill I don't want to break her trust or for her to feel disappointed in me.I don't want to do what she tells me not to and ignore me. Does that seem silly ? What should I do ignore my mum ? Please someone help me Sophie

JBeaucaire · Jun 7, 2008, 08:25 AM

The only reason you ever ignore your mum on any issue, even this one, is because you've matured to the point that on THAT ISSUE you are ready accept life-long responsibility for it... and anything that happens as a result of it.

Sex is one of those wild cards in life. Even your own body is screaming at you DO IT, DO IT, nature wants you in the sack with that boy. His body is doing the same thing. Nature even made sure you duped into believing the urge is based on "feelings". It's not, it's instinct. Every animal on the planet is born with the craze to "do it."

So, keep that in mind. Sex is instinctual. As thinking intelligent mammals, we are smart enough to override instincts that would harm us in some way. Why would I say that? Because the sex drive is so strong for a reason, and again, it ain't love. It's babies. Sex is for making babies. That's what it's for. It's not a recreational activity.

Birth control is a throw of the dice. Both my kid were conceived using birth control. So, get that whole "safe sex" concept out of your head. Every time you "do it", the entire universe is conspiring AGAINST you to get you pregnant. It wants babies.

So, make sure, before you ignore mum, that you are ready to take responsibility for this issue and all that can/does happen for the rest of your life when you do it. The chances of you having to birth and raise a baby while NOT having sex are zero. No accidents, no on purpose. Zero.

As soon as you two do it, even once, your chances shoot WAAAAAAAAY up. Make sure you are totally ready to be teenage parents. Sex really isn't a dating tool. I hope you are strong enough to realize this.

excon · Jun 7, 2008, 09:06 AM

Hello dirty:

You left out an important point. Did you tell your mum you wouldn't??

You don't have to do what your mum says. None of us do. You DO have to do what YOU said, though.

excon

clhend · Jun 7, 2008, 11:16 AM

There's probably a good reason why your mother has asked that you abstain from sex until you're older. Why not ask her? This could open a whole conversation that would allow you to know your mother as a woman and not just pigeonhold as your mother. This may be hard to believe but she was once 16 too. She probably knows exactly what you're going through, because she's been there.

As far as just ignoring her because you're old enough not to have to listen to her, that's true. You can totally ignore her, do your own thing... however, if you do you must realize that there's a very real chance that in 17 years you'll be having this same conversation with your daughter.

I had a friend in high school, whose mother had her when she was 16. My friend then had a baby when she was 16, and by the time my friend was 33 (17 years later) she was a grandmother. In each of these instance the mother said "Wait!"

ska8ergal · Jun 7, 2008, 11:41 AM

You should listen to your hart because is what you feel like you own like you that's what I do my mom tells me one thing and I do another with my decision.or do what you think what is right for you.

dirtyteabag · Jun 7, 2008, 01:07 PM

Originally Posted by excon

Hello dirty:

You left out an important point. Did you tell your mum you wouldn't????

You don't have to do what your mum says. None of us do. You DO have to do what YOU said, though.

excon

No I just shut up.Both my parents have brought me up in a way I can never make promises I can't keep.

Sonador101 · Jun 7, 2008, 01:29 PM

Your mum trusts you, and she's really sick, and frankly she's right you are too young, just wait, it will be better for you both. Don't have sex, I am not going lecture you, but if you respect your mother, and respect yourself don't

Fr_Chuck · Jun 7, 2008, 02:37 PM

I love the way the poster said "they were 16" like that is old or some mature magic age. Wait, plenty of fun to do 1000 other things on dates.

Baby-_-Girl-_-19 · Jun 8, 2008, 02:27 AM

Your mom is right you're too young, I was too young as were a lot of my friends ask any one of them and the majority will tell you that its better to wait until you're older, there are A lot less complications. Not to mention although I'm sure you would be careful, condoms don't work 100% of the time, you're sixteen you're no where near ready for the could-be consequences. And don't think that because its could-be that it won't happen to you, I've heard that too many times and I've said it myself. Just remember you're young and you've got all the time in the world no need to rush on something that is that... important (for lack of a better word)...

dirtyteabag · Jun 8, 2008, 09:36 AM

Can I just say thanks 2 everyone who has given me their oppionion it rele does me a lot to me
Xxxsoph

Alty · Jun 8, 2008, 10:14 AM

Originally Posted by dirtyteabag

Can i just say thnx 2 every1 who has given me their oppionion it rele does me alot 2 me
xxxsoph

Can you please translate that, we have a hard time understanding chat speak. Thank you. :)

jrsg · Jun 8, 2008, 12:28 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Can you please translate that, we have a hard time understanding chat speak. Thank you. :)

Here:

Originally Posted by dirtyteabag

Can i just say thnx 2 every1 who has given me their oppionion it rele does me alot 2 me
xxxsoph

"Can I just say thanks to everyone who has given me their opinion, It really does mean a lot to me."

Your showing your age, Altenweg...
Lol, just joking. Chat speak can be hard to understand sometimes.

Alty · Jun 8, 2008, 12:31 PM

Thanks Jrsg, I'm to old to learn chat speak, and fyi it's against the rules. :)

Now my advice. Your mom asked you to promise because she knows you are to young to really understand the consequences of sex, she also realizes that she may not be around long enough to council you when you do get older. It's up to you what you do, I doubt she meant that you should NEVER have sex, just wait until you're older, that's good advice from a loving caring mom.

Good Luck.

jrsg · Jun 8, 2008, 12:42 PM

No problem, Altenweg. I'll have to watch my "lol's" that I put in, I noticed that I used that just in that last post. And I didn't know it was against the rules, thanks for letting me know.

For dirtyteabag, I say do what you and your boyfrined feel is right and best. Weigh the pros/cons and decide. But if you choose to do it, be safe. As a 16 year old, I can relate to your problems... Parents are never going to say, "go out and have sex!" So decide with your boyfriend, good luck!

Alty · Jun 8, 2008, 12:46 PM

Originally Posted by jrsg

No problem, Altenweg. I'll have to watch my "lol's" that I put in, I noticed that I used that just in that last post. And I didn't know it was against the rules, thanks for letting me know.

For dirtyteabag, I say do what you and your boyfrined feel is right and best. Weigh the pros/cons and decide. But if you choose to do it, be safe. As a 16 year old, I can relate to your problems... Parents are never going to say, "go out and have sex!" So decide with your boyfriend, good luck!

LOL, LMAO are exceptions to the rule, it's when you start using text speak for words that are usually better off written, like M8 instead of mate etc. LOL and LMAO are okay. ;)

As for parents and sex, of course we want you to wait. Remember one thing, and I know it's hard to imagine, but your parents were 16 once too, they most definitely thought of sex at that age, whether they waited, well only they know. Your generation didn't invent sex, or std's or teen pregnancy, we've all been there, done that, why do you think we try so desperately to stop you from making the same mistakes we did? Just some food for thought, now digest. :)

jrsg · Jun 8, 2008, 01:28 PM

I understand, it is one of those "learn from MY mistakes."
But then teens will say, as I have said, "Let me make my own mistakes."

Parents give good advice, and we can learn a lot from our parents expiriences. And my parents grew up through the 70's and 80's. My god the things they have done. I have already had talks about drugs with my parents (my dad was a pink floyd, bob marley kind of guy, if you know what I mean) so he told me why I shouldn't do drugs. I listen to him and after the stories I've heard, I don't do drugs. That was a place where I did learn from his mistakes.

Its just the ignorance that comes with every teenager. I am a stubborn a$$ sometimes, and I know it. But I have a pretty good, open, honest relationshp with my parents.

I think what dirtyteabag has to do is make a decision, carefully, on what she wants and feels is right. But that decision should be made with her boyfriend, and some advice from us here on askme.
I think this is a place where parents should respect a teenagers privacy. Especially this girl... who has a stable relationship with the guy, and loves him. Its not just some random meet between them.

And sex can be an awkward subject with teens and parents. Although I have an open relationship with my parents, I'm not that open. I don't think anyone is.

Alty · Jun 8, 2008, 01:36 PM

I hope that when the time comes, my kids will feel comfortable enough to talk to me before making a decision. I won't say wait until you are married, can't, that would be hypocritical, but do make an informed decision. There are so many reasons not to have sex when you are young, but only one reason to do it. Once it's done, there's no going back, no do over, so be 100% certain that this is what you want, and that you are ready, not only for sex, but for any possible consequences, ie; teen pregnancy, std's etc. etc. The list is long for cons, but not so much for pros.

jrsg · Jun 8, 2008, 01:44 PM

It is a tough situation.
I think I'll conclude that the decision should come from hours of hard thinking. And like Alten said, make an informed decision.

Good luck,
And I learned a few things here to, thank you Alten.

Alty · Jun 8, 2008, 01:48 PM

Originally Posted by jrsg

It is a tough situation.
I think I'll conclude that the decision should come from hours of hard thinking. And like Alten said, make an informed decision.

Good luck,
and I learned a few things here to, thank you Alten.

Any time, that's why we're here after all. :)

FlubbaLite · Jul 2, 2008, 12:50 PM

You are sixteen and it is illegal, go with your heart. I'm sure your mum wouldn't mind if you just told her the truth. Say your thinking about it but you would obviously have safe sex just to reasure her a little :)
If you think he is the right guy than do it
The only thing is would yo regret it?