[dollarman]

Please look for the other post. Entitled "The good old 'I need a break'...read more"

[dollarman]

Hello everyone!(if this thread is posted twice I apologize, but I received no confirmation)

I've been on the forumings just listening and reading to the many advices and comments on situations similar to mine. I guess it is inevitably my turn!

My girlfriend of almost 3 years asked me for a break a little over a month ago. In the back of my head I was hoping it would happen, not because I wanted to do anything, but I knew we would never be able to reach that next level if it didn't. She also told me from the beginning that she wanted to see other people. I kind of want her to see other people so that way if we do get back together it won't be a fluke. I actually suggested about 2 weeks ago that we take a complete no contact break, to comply with her first wish.. space. The last time we talked we argued for a while, but it seemed like at the end of the conversation we started moving in a direction of resolution. I'm not sure though. I can understand why she would want space, and to see what else is out there. We dated out of high school, and with the pressure of her parents saying a break would help, because they took one.

I guess to sum up everything, she's told me she likes somebody else already. I've been working on improving myself. And I do feel like God is working with me everyday. We both also expressed that we feel like we will be together in the end in a great relationship free from all doubts and "what ifs". I guess I'm wondering if I'm handling this correctly. If you need more information please ask, and I also know there's no real answer to this kind of thing... I just really need to talk about it so I don't have to hold this in all the time. Thank you guys for everything, and I really look forward to dialouging!

[JoeCanada76]

Its just an excuse for her to go out and be free with other people. Let God work within your life everyday and maybe just maybe Gods plan is not for this lady to be in your life. It does not sound like it in my opinion. Also if she is so easily influenced by other guys and family members. It is better that you guys do that now of course. Your line sums up why I said what I said. She told me she likes somebody else already. RED FLAG.

[nickshehe]

Like you, when my girlfriend suggested we take a break I suggested we go all the way with it, as in - no contact at all.. In hope that we would miss each other and she would realise she loves me or whatever.. well she never came back.
Your girlfriend tells you that she likes someone already.. what you need to do now is get over her.Stop contact with her and focus on yourself.. You can't wait around for her in belief that Gods plan is to return her to you some day after she realises its you she wants.

[talaniman]

We never know what will come next, but for sure you know your broken up. As you accept that fact, and work on rebuilding your life without her in it, you will be a better, healthier and wiser person. Its your responsibility to love yourself, and pursue your own happiness, and let her do the same. The rest will play out later. We never know who we will share our happiness with, but must be ready when they do appear in our lives.

[dollarman]

Awesome awesome! I've been reading the boards, and it seems like very consistent advice. I haven't talked to her in weeks, but I guess if she calls me or something I may or may not answer depending on what's going on.. lol. This is so weird man. I never realized how common this issue is, but I definitely see what you guys are saying. And just to ask, what exactly is NC. Because I've seen different variations and I want to know exactly what everyone describes as no contact.

[talaniman]

NO CONTACT, Don't call, or be available for their calls. Disappearing from their life, to focus on yourself, and your healing.

[Jiser]

Wouldn't even bother with the ''break!''

Time to walk away and not look back.

[dollarman]

Hello everyone! I've posted my story before but I just wanted a couple specific opinions on something...

My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago... and it was light contact until 9 days ago when I decided to do NC strictly. At first she was initiating then I started initiating. The weeks leading up to NC, I would text every couple of days or so and she would respond. I know part of her not initiating anymore is due to her I guess 'liking' another guy. I know that anything is possible, but I was just wondering what everyone thought. I mean, I would like to work on our issues but at the same time I'm ready to stop hanging on. Have people reconnected after a 'late' NC period? Thank you in advance for your answers!

[chuff]

I have had on two occasions where I got back together with a ex after NC. Both times, I applied NC because I was angry as opposed to trying to make them miss me. In both cases the break up happened, and then NC was immediate. In other words I didn't hang around trying to fix the problem. There in lies one of the secrets of NC, women think emotionally, and when you hang around trying to make it work they look at that as weakness, they see that as desperation. We tend to see that as "I'm care enough to try and make this work." You see it time and again, in movies but that's fake, in real life it doesn't work because it shows emotional weakness, which women do not find attractive.

So to answer your question, I think your better off moving forward without any ideas of getting her back. Furthermore, she has set this up perfectly for her. She has you on the back burner should it not work out with the other guy. This is not a good spot for you because once you have been moved into "second place" then she has no need to make you a permanent number one, because she knows you will always be happy with waiting in the wings as long as she gives you some attention.

[hav0k]

Well said chuff... I wish I had heard this the day after I broke up with my ex

[classicrocker]

Dead on chuff

[dollarman]

Cool. Got my confirmation. Sticking to NC strong man. And thanks for the answers guys. Ha... now when I need inspiration I'll whisper to myself... '2nd place.' Super motivation!

[dollarman]

Well, my ex broke my last NC attempt at 3 weeks with a simple text that said "Happy Sabbath :)".. I didn't reply for a couple days then I sent, "I know this is late, but thanks for the Sabbath wishes, hope yours went well too". She did not reply to that text. For some odd reason I was feeling quite 'dumb' as I sent her one of those 'BF applications' through e-mail the nxt day... she did not reply to the e-mail, but the next day she did text me again saying, "hey! How are u? Where you @ these days?".. to which I replied, "hey gorgeous! I'm good, in hsv lol. U?" she then said, "yea. I'm bak. We gotta catch up. :)"... to which I replied, "ok. It'll be fun"... then she said, "ok. I'll hit u up one day. :) ttyl" and I said "sounds like a plan".

Now I guess I just want opinions on if I played this correctly, I know the email was kind of iffy... but do you think she replied to the email, or just texting independent of that? I started back on NC and we haven't spoke since. Anybody have any ideas where this is going? And don't worry, not looking for any reason to contact her at all.. thanks in advance.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Can't really say if her text was from the e-mail or not... guess you'll never know.

How are you feeling about the contact you have had with her? Are you regretting this at all? It sounds like she thinks you guys are friends and everything is OK. Is it though, I am getting the feeling this is making you feel bad. It doesn't sound like you should get your hopes up over anything though, and I don't think that meeting up will be a good thing for you right now as I don't think its going to go the way you want it to...

[dollarman]

Yeah I'm not sure how I'm feeling. I guess cool since I know she initiated contact last, but I don't know. I'm sure that the whole 'catch up' thing is not going to happen for a while as I think she has been seeing someone. I'm not sure though. Most of the time I feel indifferent to everything... I get the impression she was testing the water though... as she really made it a point to add all the smiley faces as she did not know how I would react. I have not acted as 'just friends' so that would be pressumptious on her part to think that I think.

[bigbird213]

Just the fact that you are over analyzing the smiley faces makes me feel that it probably isn't the best idea to respond to her anymore or to make attempts at 'meeting up'. I don't really think your ready for it, even though you say for the most part you are indifferent, I think you need to really be honest with yourself and ask yourself whether you can handle seeing her and talking to her knowing she is seeing someone else.

Do you have any hopes that she might see you and miss your, or tell you that she is miserable, or that she wants to try again? All of these are bad signs.

As bad as it sounds, you really aren't ready to see her until you don't want to anymore. I know it sucks to hear, but as long as your thinking about meeting up and talking with her, you probably aren't ready to...

[dollarman]

Yeah I hear you BB. The only reason I mentioned the smileys though was because when I was initiated the contact she was very cold. No questions, just one word replies. So it was just a change of pace I guess. I wasn't really anaylzing I just noticed them.

As far as us meeting up... if it happens OK. If it doesn't oh well... I'm not pursuing or persuading at all. As I am not initiating nor am I really expecting anything. Not to say that I don't want anything, I'm just not expecting anything. I hope that clarifies a bit.

[bigbird213]

As long as you keep your mind open, think clearly and analyze all of your decisions before you act on them. Being this far in, you know what feels good and what feels bad. You know the pain of the beginning NC, so don't do anything that will set you back.

Best of luck with whatever happens.

[dollarman]

Yeah that's a good point. I even have times where I get amped up about NC. Kind of weird but it works. Wonder where everything will be in at the end of July.