[sick world]

Hello all,
I have been raising a 12 year old girl 50% of the time for the last 11 years, Her mom and I lived together for the first year. Now I find out through a dna test that her, the child and a newly discovered father took, that I'am not the bio father. The mother calls my mom to tell the news, and I found out later the child knew at least a week before I or my mom even knew. Then the mother of the child starts saying stuff like" your not even her dad" and tried to take her away from me. The mother is cold blooded. Did the mother know the whole time that I was not the bio dad/ She said she didn't know. But why would she try to take her away from me after a dna test. The child's mother has 4 kids from 4 diff. dads. And never been married. I was never married to her but am on the birth certificate. Now everything is weird and the bio dad is spending time with the child. At first I was upset, etc. but now I think it is a good thing for the child to know her bio dad since 12 is actually young. My question is : can I do whatever I want as far as visitation and parenting. I've had her every weekend and sacraficed my life for her but feel betrayed. Is it wrong for me to want to spend less time with her and start a new life for myself. Our relationship has changed since all this crap went down, and I feel like I'm not her dad but I played the role for the last 12 years. It is a nightmare, but do not want to be a victim anymore and I would like to spend time with the child about 1 day per week, is this OK to do? Did the bio dad know for 12 years he was the dad? There is something I don't know and not sure if a ever will know. What a mess. Am I off the hook?

Hello.
The child is 12, I live in California, I'm the legal dad. Never married to the mom and have been raising the child 50% of the time for her life. The mom is on public assistance now and they want me to pay 300 a month, can I stop this b.s. since I have 2 dna tests showing that I'm not the father, and one test showing who the bio father is . The bio father is now seeing his child also. Anything I can do or am I up crap creek. Thanks

:mad: :mad: she's 12 and dna test says I'm not her real dad, been raising her 50% of the time. Never married to the mom, she has my last name and the bio dad wants to be a part of her life. What a mess, is it good for the child to start a relationship with the bio dad, should I only see the child once in a while now, why did they wait this long, I can't figure out the truth. Can I make the new dad start paying the support money, the mom is a loser. 4 kids from 4 diff. dads and never married. Welfare too. What should I do, continue the same way or drastic changes giving them the responsibility. Thanks you

[Fr_Chuck]

Well a lot of issues, first depending on where you live, if you were listed as the father, after 12 years they may not be able to take away your legal status, not really being the father is not always enough in some states ( not many but some)

But if you live in other states ( the majority) if you are listed as the father, the new father or mother can petition the court to take your rights away, so legally you may not even be able to see the child is they stop you.

But morally, for 12 years you have been the child's father, so to stop being in her life can destroy the child, since if you really ever loved her, nothing should stop that love at this point.

[George_1950]

How long have you been raising this child, now 12 years of age? You may not be the bio dad, but you are the real dad. The question is, will your state of residence back you up?

[stinawords]

As george pointed out we really need to know what state you are in because each state has their own laws and guidelines that have to be followed. Some have a statute of limitations as far as the "real" father stepping up and some don't so please let us know so we can answer you better.