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unhappycamper · Jun 5, 2008, 07:16 AM

Im 31 and she is 28. We've been together for almost 8 years now. Her younger sister is getting married soon after being with her guy for less than a year. Where does that leave us? Do I love her? If I did, would I not have asked her to marry me along time ago?
I feel like Ive missed out on so much. I am not having a fun life. I can't remember the last time I smiled, except when Im drunk. We don't make love much anymore because of the way Im feeling.
I know the response will be to break up with her. But I cant, because I can't imagine being with anyone else. I can't imagine her being with anyone else. We've been together so long now she's a natural part of my life. If I broke up with her, what are the possibilities of me ever finding true love? Someone that I will look forward to seeing etc.
I want nothing more but to love my girlfriend. I want to hold her, I want to make love to her, I want to make her happy, I want to have fun with her, But I cant. Please help. Is there any other way around this other than breaking up?

JBeaucaire · Jun 5, 2008, 09:06 AM

Life is a RUT. Get that into your head and realize it, out loud if you must! Life is a RUT.

Life is a RUT!
Life is a RUT!

But guess what! You get to decide what your rut will be. You only get one life.

So, every thought you allow in your mind to "settle in" means you have to do the work that results to stay in a rut you can enjoy. If you allow the thought "I can't imagine being with anyone else" to be the controller of your actions, then YOU have to follow that with the work that goes with that.

-You marry her
-You cleave to her
-You freak her out with your loving ways
-You act like she's God's gift to mankind
-You reap the rewards of acting this way

Sitting there complaining "I'm so sad" but immediately tossing in "but I won't change anything and I won't give up this girl" is poppycock. If you're unhappy, CHANGE SOMETHING.

Either the girl goes so you can find someone you have enough heat with to actually marry, or your self pity goes. If you stay, YOU do the work to make your chosen rut an enjoyable one. And you darn well make sure you do all you can for the people in the rut with you.

RedneckMama · Jun 5, 2008, 07:16 PM

"Where does that leave us?"
... It leaves you attending the wedding with your girlfriend feeling like a jackass who's kept her waiting around for nothing...

"Do I love her?"
... Really? I mean, I can feel the emotion behind your other questions because life does tend to become routine and boring after a while... but if one of your first questions is do I really love her, then I would think the answer would be apparent to you...

"If I did, would I not have asked her to marry me along time ago?"
... Not if marriage is not a good fit for you, maybe you don't believe in marriage... maybe you don't feel like she's the one and it's taken you this long to notice... maybe you're scared less that you're going to be alone; but at the same time, you're an unhappy camper with the one you've got...
Love does not always equal marriage... and the equation does not always say man + woman + 8 years together = marriage...

"If I broke up with her, what are the possibilities of me ever finding true love?"
... If the love the 2 of you share is not true, then the possibilities of finding your 'true love' would be greater because you'd be out there looking for her... if perchance you break up with your girlfriend only to realize that what you had was indeed true love, you just expected it to be a little spicier, a little more warm & fuzzy... then you could either try to win that true love back OR move on to different loves...

"Is ther any other way around this other than breaking up?"
... There's always Prozac... Before I did anything concrete I would do my best to figure out if what I was feeling was more than just your typical, "I'm bored, I wonder what my life would be like if she wasn't with me..I wonder what another woman would add to my life...I wonder just HOW much greener those other pastures really are..." Because it'd be a damned shame to leave it all and find out that what's at home was real and the rest is just an illusion..
Good luck.

Deco24 · Dec 5, 2011, 06:42 PM

I broke up with my girlfriend of six years. Thought I was fine met someone new was happy for about a month. Now all I think about is her, I've hurt her so bad I thought I was doing da right thing. She is da perfect person for me and I too felt like I was missing out. When I alredy had everything life is about. I now have to break another girls heart and try to win my girl back. Take it from me. What you have is perfect she loves you and you love her more than you know. I widh I read the first persons advice 6 months ago.