[fiorenger]

Currently I'm between mood swing of high (excited) and low (depresed).
First, I like to admit it's wrong, easier said than done but I have no control of my feeling or cvan discuss the issue with my friends or family as they would be very judgemental of my action, that is why I'm looking for guidance or reasons here.

I'm 24 years and just recently separated from a 4 year relationship. While in that relationship I was close with one of my senior management at where I work, what I meant from close as in share a good joke or laugh with but not in relationship or sexual nature. He did text me a few times which concerned my boyfriend at the time and he was always distrustful and accused me of having an affair with my boss, who is happily married to his childhood sweetheat for the last 10 years, with no kids. After I split up with my BF I also left the company to work at another firm and that's where this whole attraction came about. We texted a few time and caught up for drinks and a moment of attraction and weakness we has sex. Since we catch up at least 3 times a week or call each other everyday. He gives me the greatest joy when he calls because he brings the fire and excitement out of me and we both know its wrong but continue to do it as we conduct it discreetly. I know he's in a happily married relationship and has never indicated that he will leave his wife or anything like that. I miss not having him around and constantly have sleepless nigh thinking about him and being with him. PLEASE HELP

[JBeaucaire]

So what do you want help with?

- You know what you're doing is morally wrong.
- You know what you're doing removes your chances to a happy relationship with an available man
- You know this is just sex and conversation, not a relationship, he has that with his family
- You know that your actions can destroy an entire family who have done nothing to deserve the pain

You know all these things and yet you do it anyway. So you either don't care about right/wrong or how your actions are destructive, or you have decided you can't be held accountable since you "feel" something for this man and can't stop yourself.

Either way, it's pitiful. You only get ONE walk through this life, and look what you're doing with yours?

Anyway, I'd actually LIKE to be helpful, but you've been a little vague here. What EXACTLY are you wanting help with?

[liz28]

First out you need to leave him alone because it seems that you have feeling for him, more lust then love. Now you see he can't sleep by your side every night because he's by his wife side, while using you for amusement because at this time you nothing more then his mistress.

You should not have never allowed this to happen and as you see you want more. In order to get more you must leave him alone and find someone who's available. Your boyfriend at the time got mad but even though nothing was going on at the time he knew something would happen because there's no reason for a boss to be texting you, that's personal.

He probulary always wanted to act on this with you but knew better because your worked together, but as soon as you left he act on it and you followed him because you wanted him too. How would you think his wife feels if she knew?

Your young and should have no problem finding someone that would put you first not second. If you only want sex then have it with someone not married unless you like the title of being someone mistress then stay, but it's a sad, lonely road and it only leaves you wanted more.

[liz28]

Also I wanted to add what done in the dark soon will come out in the light. All because your sneaking around does not mean your won't get caught. It only takes one friend, relative, or co-worker to see your and that can happen. So why sneak around with someone, you should want and think more of yourself and respect their married even if he don't.

[Romefalls19]

It's never a good idea to mix business with pleasure, this could cost BOTH of you your careers. While your boyfriend was wrong is accusing you, it seems his senses were right in thinking there was something there. It's best that you stop this now

[fiorenger]

Thank you all for assuring me that its wrong in what we're doing. What I need help is how to end it. Right now it's like an addiction that I can't live without him but at the sametime it's not something I can discuss with friends or family. It's wasier said than done, as we are constantly on the phone to each other ,and we do get lost in the excitement and half blinded by everything else.. JB, I know full well I'm at fault and not trying to blame or play victim. I want to end it, maybe, not lose a friend as people mioght become suspicious if we just completely cut ties 100%. Liz, yes I'm young but with the feeling I have right now, I'm not interested or attracted to anyone else except him, like an addiction... Do I just lock myself in my room and not return any calls or text, or I meet to discuss it first? Maybe that's not a good idea as we might try to convince ourselves otherwise..

[liz28]

You end it by simply doing so you owe him no explanation
Because your not ending a relationship but an affair. Donot call/text/ baically have no contact with him what so ever, its great that you want to undo your wrong because this wrong only leads to headache, anger, depression and lonely nights all for someone that's not worth it.

Stay away from him since he makes you weak and with time you will heal and in future, if you learn from your mistake, you will never enter this type of arrangements again because you will have mor self-worth and above all love yourself more.

[talaniman]

I know he's in a happily married relationship and has never indicated that he will leave his wife or anything like that. I miss not having him around and constantly have sleepless nigh thinking about him and being with him. PLEASE HELP

I know all that all mistresses say the same thing so we skip to the part where you end ALL contact and be miserable as you heal, and become healthy, and look forward to healthy relationships.

From what you write, you have always been needy of attention and lots of it to the detriment of your relationship, and I think that's because your very selfish about taking care of your needs. You really don't care how it affects others so I can see how you would go with and attraction you know is wrong, but it's the fun and games with no strings that you love.

At least you want to change, so cut him from your life, and the hell with what everyone says behind your back. Do this for you and stick to it.

[JBeaucaire]

If you sincerely want to end it, you will have to do it cold turkey. But it will also require you do something painful before you go... you need to threaten your man. If you don't, he will keep contacting you.

You have to decide what it will cost him if he contacts you... you really need to scare him.

Tell him what you've decided. "I need to be with a committed man, but I mean committed to me. You aren't, you have a wife. I'm moving on and will try to find happiness with an available person. I'm warning you now, if you ever contact me again I will assume the contact means you have finished divorcing your wife and I will contact her to make sure that is the case. Do not contact me ever again until then. If you do, understand, my first response will be to her. I hope you have a great life."

[cant breathe]

Please, please, please stop this now. This man is using you and has no intention of changing his life for you. He will be flattered by all the attention and sitting pretty allowing you to run after him. This is a dangerous game to play... I should know I played it and as a result put my family through hell. He is not available... LET IT GO NOW not just for your sake but for his wife's and especially his children. Even if he decided (which he won't) to be with you,he would end up resenting you big time for the damage it will ulimately do to his children. Find someone who is emotionally and physically available to love you

[eastcoast1]

This is pure lust, nothing else, leave him alone, he is a married man