Check out some similar questions!

SoConfusedHappy · Jun 2, 2008, 02:09 PM

Okay this has some back story,
I met my high school sweetheart in 4th grade, he sat in front of me and passed me a note asking if I would like to "go out" with him (so cliche)! We stayed together all through junior high, broke at the start of high school and got back together the beginning of sophomore year, lost our virginity to each other, went to prom, blah blah stayed together until high school drama got the best of us our senior year. We had a really bad break-up and moved on quickly (revenge) he was with the same girl for two years, they got engaged, broke it off and he has been somewhat single since then for the last two years. I have been in 3 serious relationships since him, one right away lasted 2 years, after that another year relationship, and now my current one going on 14 months.
Here is the thing, him and I have been broken up for 5 years ( I am 22, he is 23) he is in the marines, stationed in Jacksonville, FL. I live in Ohio, we have never stopped talking, we might have gone a few months at times but we always find ourselves contacting each other. Recently (April) we talked on the phone for the first time in two years, and we exchanged emails because he was going on a "mission" and that would be the only way to contact him, we started hinting at the "what if" question. What if when he comes home in two years, we could be together and get married, have kids the whole nine yards like we had always planned. So we emailed, and now he is back in the states, we have talked on the phone and he plans on coming home in July to visit and says he wants to see me.
I am in a relationship now that is ending because that guy is a lying bum who thinks I am his mother! So we will both be relatively single! But I have mixed feelings, my high school sweetheart is not the cheating type we were head over heels for each other way back when and if we were "together" I would rest assured things would be fine. But we haven't talked about being together again since April, yet he still wants to see me in July, how do I know that he isn't talking to other women also, and oh the thought of me getting my hopes up again and us never getting back together would be devastating. Should I let laying dogs lie and leave well enough alone, or stick in there and see what happens?
2 years is along time to wait for something that may not happen, I would love to be with him, but I wonder if I would be better off if he left me alone and I finally moved on. Oh heavens somebody help, I am so confused!

talaniman · Jun 2, 2008, 05:27 PM

Let me end your confusion. Stop assuming, and speculating, and see him in July as a single female, and go from there. Go slow, and marvel at the changes, and growth of an old flame.

Romefalls19 · Jun 2, 2008, 06:11 PM

I would advise you to break it off with your current guy if you feel such a connection with this guy. Then when you go out to see him, lay it all on the line and see what happens.

rnfowl · Jun 2, 2008, 06:56 PM

Go for it and see what happens. If you don't you'll have regrets later on about "what if". So take the what if now and you won't have the what if later.

HistorianChick · Jun 3, 2008, 09:03 AM

What is past is only prologue.

I would see if your what if's can come true. But, go into this knowing that you are two different people... you're not the same as you were in high school, and neither is he. If you can recognize that, knowing that yes, you do have a past and you might have a future, then it may be just what you've been waiting for.

Start fresh. :) and good luck!

starlite1 · Jun 3, 2008, 09:29 AM

Hi "Happy",

I think you should definitely see him in July, and see how it goes! I agree with the other posts that everyone has given you. It is all great advise!

Keep us posted girl!

SoConfusedHappy · Jun 3, 2008, 12:53 PM

A little more info... he does live with a woman who is also in the navy and they are "together" but he has told me it is for convienence... splitting the bills, taking care of the house when one or the other is on "mission"! Etc! He has also told me that she doesn't have his heart, she has been away since February and won't be back until August... he doesn't miss her at all! He is not the lying type, in fact he is probably the most honest person I know, but if I am just someone to talk to while he is bored, or even worse someone for him to sleep with when he comes home in July I would just rather have him leave me alone and go back to before we ever mentioned the "what if" factor! The relationship with the guy I was living with is OVER, hallelujah! So that is no longer a problem! But why am I so uncertain about this, why can't I just lay back and see what happens, I am so scared that this is one-sided and his intentions are completely different than mine and I don't want to bring it up for fear of bothering him about it... ahhhh! Whew I feel better now. Good Heavens, should I ask him if he is talking to any of his other exes (he really only has one) and they do talk but she has been married and is getting divorced in the short period of the last year and a half! Should I lay it on the table and see his intentions or just sit back and shut up until July and see how that goes, I have decided not to contact him to see how long it takes him to contact me!

Fr_Chuck · Jun 3, 2008, 03:00 PM

Let me see you both went on to be and live with someone else but never stopped messaging and talking. Sounds like you both never gave the other relationship a real chance. And I am sure the "bum" that you are with, most likely has a lot of things to call you for keeping up a relationship with this other man. I would have walked out on you long ago if I found you were keeping this relationship going.

talaniman · Jun 3, 2008, 03:42 PM

I am so scared that this is one-sided and his intentions are completely different than mine and I don't want to bring it up for fear of bothering him about it...

Thanks for more info as it makes for a clearer picture. While I agree with Fr. Chuck, in that carrying on this cyber relationship may have detracted from the relationship your in now, his is unknown and you only have his word for it. You are well to be cautious of his motives, as you both may have changed, for sure. Whether it goes good, or bad, at least you gain closure, stay friends, and move on, or work together. If your afraid to question this friend about his room mate, you do you both a BIG disservice. You need clarity in this area, just to protect your own heart.

talaniman · Jun 3, 2008, 03:44 PM

Another point, this may just be about friendship, and nothing more.

I sort of doubt it!

SoConfusedHappy · Jun 4, 2008, 06:18 AM

Thanks you guys, I got to say this website is awesome, it is such a relief to see that everything that happens in my life is actually normal! And about the bum in my life... read the post about him titled "Where did he go?" (getting ready to write) then you will understand a little more about me and the situation!