[ISneezeFunny]

Just think, in the old times, that type of thing was punishable by DEATH! And you want to talk to her? I would say "come get your stuff on this date at this time, if not it will be on the curb. Thank you"

That mess is STILL punishable by death in some countries.

You could do what romefalls said to do (the curb idea), or if you want to be a WEE bit nicer, put her crap in storage and tell her to pick up the keys and that she has 1 month to clear out the storage or she's stuck with the bill.

[bigbird213]

I agree, its ridiculous for her to expect you to sit around and wait on her decision.

That's unfair of her to expect, and will only slow you down in your healing.

Go get some boxes and start packing up... at this point, her coming back shouldn't even be an option. We all know you'd love to take her back, but think rationally about it... Like Rome said, could you trust her with your heart again, and honestly think she wouldn't do it again?

I made that mistake once... never again.

[starlite1]

Hi Guys,

I want to call him so badly. I miss him so much. I wish and pray he would call... I don't know what to do... I know, I should do nothing... but I am afraid that I won't hear from him again...

I am supposed to fly to GA and go to the concert with him in July. The last time I spoke to him was a week ago from this past Friday, and he was still very into my going with him. I haven't had any communication with him since (I still didn't buy my plane ticket yet either).

[ISneezeFunny]

... starlite, I'm going to say that the concert may be off. Flying with him, I'm assuming that you'll be staying in the same hotel room... could be disastrous. Sure it'll be fun... but that'll put your nc STRAIGHT back.

[Romefalls19]

I mean, of course there are going to be parts of you that wants to take her back. We all understand that, as a lot of us at your point in time would have taken our ex's back with open arms but you need to take time and reflect about the relationship and I think you will see that you are much better off

[starlite1]

Hi Guys,

Actually he lives in Georgia, so I would be flying from NY and staying at his house.

I would love to work things out with him. I know I screwed up this time, because I broke it off with him, but I really do want him back...

[talaniman]

Starlite,

I am supposed to fly to GA and go to the concert with him in July. The last time I spoke to him was a week ago from this past Friday, and he was still very into my going with him. I haven't had any communication with him since (I still didn't buy my plane ticket yet either).

Forget that concert, it will be a clear message to him by not going, and a break of his attempts at control over this relationship.

Given the past events, how can you give in to HIS wishes at this point? Forget plane tickets, buy yourself something nice, and do something you enjoy. Why ain't the bum buying you tickets, if he wants you so bad? Don't let emotions cloud your decisions when reality is really clear.

[starlite1]

I know Tal, and I keep saying that to myself. I was the one who screwed things up this time though...

[talaniman]

I would love to work things out with him.

I bet, but the thing you keep missing is he doesn't compromise, you do. That's unequal, and unfair. You get nothing you want but him, on his terms as he wishes it. He gets exactly what he wants. Feelings aside, that's a lousy deal for you, but great for him, dontcha think?

I know I screwed up this time, because I broke it off with him,

The best thing you ever did, and if he wants you misses you, he'll come and get you, or at least call, and if you stick to your guns, he get to call the terms.

but I really do want him back....

Does that mean any way you can have him, or as a respectful caring partner? Give it some thought as to how much your willing to give, and what you want in return.

[damaged]

I agree with all of them... going to that concert would be a mistake... Let's say you get back together eventually you will break up again(he doesn't respect you).. so please forget about the concert, like talaiman said go buy yourself something nice, and let this guy go.. He hasn't even contacted you... & you didn't screw anything up.. he screwed it up.. He lost a good woman.. It's his loss...
"dont worry about the people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future"

[starlite1]

I know, I have given so much in this relationship, and he just comes back when he is ready, with hardly any communication in between. But what is killing me now is we were about to take this relationship to the next level (finally) and he was really there, and this was something that I had wanted for so long, and I killed it... and I hurt him I'm sure, and now he is not contacting me, or pursuing me... I know I hurt him though, and perhaps he feels that I am not worth it? But this time, I screwed it all up... that is what is killing me... I want him to forgive me, and take me back, so we can discuss everything, and I can really find out what he needs... and to have a mature conversation explain to him that all relationships require work... and to let him know why I got cold feet (and have him realize (without blaming him) that because he kept yo-yoing in the past, that is what I was afraid of this time... but I want to hear from him without his wall or whatever makes him do what he does, what he needs, and to let him know what I need, and we can do this... together

I wish I knew what he is really thinking with regards to us, getting back together, etc...

[damaged]

Maybe you should think the way he thinks... How many times has he hurt you?. you should think he is not worth it as well.. but I guess you don't mind putting him before you.. that's too sad... ur selling yourself short..

I want him to forgive me, and take me back, so we can discuss everything, and I can really find out what he needs...

You should get back with him, so he can dump again... Maybe then you will learn... :(

[talaniman]

Starlite1,

I know, I have given so much in this relationship, and he just comes back when he is ready, with hardly any communication in between.

Because you keep giving. No matter what he does, you keep giving.

But what is killing me now is we were about to take this relationship to the next level (finally) and he was really there, and this was something that I had wanted for so long, and I killed it...

That's what he let you think, and it's the oldest trick in the book, going along with you and your plans, and pulling the rug from under your feet, and making you think its your fault. Very old a common trick of a master manipulator.

and I hurt him I'm sure, and now he is not contacting me, or pursuing me... I know I hurt him though, and perhaps he feels that I am not worth it? But this time, I screwed it all up... that is what is killing me.

Geez that's his purpose to let you stew in your own juice feeling guilty and helpless. You are being tenderised for the main event.

.. I want him to forgive me, and take me back, so we can discuss everything, and I can really find out what he needs.

Ha! Your easy, that's the whole point, you being receptive to his needs, and want to please him.

.. and to have a mature conversation explain to him that all relationships require work...

Good luck with that, I think he has made it clear your idea of a relationship is not what he wants. Now he likes his idea better. You please him and meet his needs and he does nothing for you.

and to let him know why I got cold feet (and have him realize (without blaming him) that because he kept yo-yoing in the past, that is what I was afraid of this time..

You are wise to listen to your intuition, as yo-yo is what he wants and explaining will never change his mind. Talking rationally is what real caring humans do with their partner. That's something he wants no part of, and he has told you, he is not willing to work with you to solve your problems to the benefit of you both.

.but I want to hear from him without his wall or whatever makes him do what he does, what he needs, and to let him know what I need, and we can do this... together

What part of not being willg is it that confuses you as his every action and words have said "me and only me".

I wish I knew what he is really thinking with regards to us, getting back together, etc..

As I have said, HIS WAY OR NO WAY!


Keep no contact, and stick to your guns, until action, not words, show he is willing to change and respect you.

Love yourself enough, to keep your dignity and self respect. Read the first line in mysignature, and think about it.

[starlite1]

Thanks Tal... So I shouldn't contact him at all... let him wonder about me?

[dollarman]

No contact. Hang tough. At worst, he'll never call but you weren't waiting. At best, he'll call and you get to chat on YOUR terms. It's a win-win.

[starlite1]

Hi Dollarman,

Thank you for your response. I know you are all right... I guess I need to work on my insecurity, and somehow realize how this man in not the best choice for me...

After 39 years of being insecure, I don't know how not to be...

[jpm247]

Its not easy to accept, but I think that the advice you've been given is spot on. The hardest part is acting on the advice, I found it hard, but in the end they were right!

[starlite1]

You know, the more and more I think about it, I have always been the one to reach out to him after we have broken up, I always tried to fix the relationship, try and communicate to get through to him... I felt that I was the 'man' in the relationship, and I am the woman!

[hav0k]

I had a weird run in with the ex today. We are both taking classes on campus (unfortunately in the same building at the same time). It's the first time I've seen her since NC started ~five days ago. At this point I'm still pretty bitter about what she did (lead me on after we were on a "break" and then I found out she was already secretly hanging out with another guy behind my back (rebound guy?) - partly my fault to hang in there like that, but even after I found out she STILL tried to deny it... ). Anyway when I saw her she was walking in with one of my friends. I saw her smile at me, expecting some sort of greeting from me but I completely ignored her and only talked to my friend that she was with for a little. I know it made things awkward but at this point I'm still really pissed about what she did. Do you guys think I owe it to her to at least be civil and say hi when I see her around? I do feel a little bad (her smile still gets me... ) but honestly what she did was really F-ed up and I still don't think she even realizes that.

[ISneezeFunny]

You did what you felt was right at the time. However, if you want to come off as "I'm over you. Deal with it," then smile at her, say HI, then move on. Don't linger for a conversation, but at least be civil.