[polska]

We've been apart for 8 weeks now and she sent me some things I left at her place.
I'll tell you... It's just like breaking N.C. The misery started all over again last Thurs.
On top of that... A lot of our mutual friends and acquaintances still bring her up all of the time. I have changed my life over the past few weeks like working out, quitting smoking, better diet etc. etc. But this sorrow and loneliness is just about unbearable.
I know time will ultimately heal all. Do I feel this way because I'm older now.
In the past, breakups weren't half as bad as this. I'm 36 and I want to settle down.
Now I'm afraid to ever go through this pain again. I don't want to become thick skinned and not ever fall in love again. Any advice other than to stop being a wimp?

[starlite1]

Hi Polska,

I'm 39 and I too have asked myself that same question... It seems the older I get, the pain is more severe and takes a heck of a lot longer for me to get better. I think you are on a very positive track though.. quitting smoking (I am a smoker and would like to quite... one day LOL), better diet, etc. That is all so good... and just know that if you are ever feeling down and need ears... we are all here to listen and help anyway we can!

[damaged]

I don't know if it gets worse with time.. This is my first break up & I'm 20.. but maybe you feel its harder because you were planning on settling down, having a home.. so you see your "dreams" crushing, and you may think "I'm not getting any younger" or I don't know... maybe its all in your head.. Give it some time & I hope it gets better..

Sorry I'm not much help..

[Chery]

Hi dear, I'm 57 and my last relationship was h§ll! It ended last September after being on and off since 1999 - but I know why I kept going back - it was because I didn't want to be lonely and because he needed me more than I needed him. When he found out I had cancer he acted cruel toward me, wanting me to end it because he was a wimp.

And, yes it did hurt, but not because it was over, because I was dumb in staying in this by choice - the wrong choice.

Now, I am alone, but happy as a mother and grandmother and have a better focus on my life as I want it until it's time for me to go.. I'm told that I might not live out the year. But, I'm a lot happier now than I ever was before - I'm free.. no more needy, clingy other person to compromise to - I can do what I want, when I want to and don't have to bow down to anyone.

Anyway, back to you... You are a human being, and as such belong to a very exclusive species with emotions that we cannot just chuck away. But, don't give up hope yet. And, just one more point - don't change anything in your life for 'someone else'. If you change make sure it's for YOU. So, as a human to another human - no the pain does not go away, but we cope with it better as soon as we realize it was a waste of time and energy - then we get angry, get up, and go on.

If your friends cannot change the subject out of respect for you, then let them know that you'd like to be valued as yourself and not as an appendage of a 'couple'. Make new friends if need be... you are not incapacitated or dead for goodness sake.. so go out there. It does not matter how old you are. What matters is your attitude towards life in general and the women interested will notice if you are pining away for someone else or confident . Show some backbone and be a challenge to those women seeking a worthy companion.

Believe it or not, I have two groups a week, and even though I am not looking for a new companion, I do get a lot of looks and advances.. that's because I'm sure of what I am and what I want from and for myself now and the next day... I hope you know what I mean by this.

So, show some confidence, don't wear your feeling on your sleeve and you will get appropriate signals back when you least expect it.

Avoid negative energy from yourself and your friends - intentionally like and be yourself.

My dad was over 50 when he had two new sons, so it's never too late to have a family - just don't rush - society will not 'brand' you as a failure - and if they do, they have no right to do so.

Keep us posted, we are here 24/7 to support you.

[starlite1]

Chery is right Polska,

I am taking to heart what she is saying for my situation as well. I have to build up my self-esteem big time, because I have always looked to the men in my life for my happiness and for myself esteem. Very pathetic, I know.

Chery - I am so very sorry to hear of your prognoses. I will pray for you, and just know we are all here for you and care about you very much.

[liz28]

When you find your match it will be an everlasting love something that you never image, but it will happen, believe it or not, there's someone out there for everyone.

I have 2 daughters and thought love was over for me because who wants someone with kids, but its not and I meet someone not only who accept me for me but my kids as well as they were his own.

You will get your true love one day most likely when your not searching so be prepare.