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mommy2miracles · Apr 1, 2006, 03:27 PM

Recently I got divorced from someone that was verbally and mentally abusive. We have a child together that is not in school yet. I would love for our child to still maintain a relationship with ex-husband but I also want to move to another state. I want to better our life by starting in another state with more income potential and will also be moving with my fiancé. I would like to know if anyone could help me with this? The divorce degree has one of those geographical things where I supposedly can't move out of my current county and surroundings. I heard that custodial parents can move but there are steps I have to take. What are those steps and what is considered an emergency move? How can I prove that I still want my ex and child to see each? Maybe he gets full summers and we can alternate holidays or something and pay half in travel expenses? I will also agree to have him not pay child support since he will need that money to help with the travel expenses. Someone please help as I don't want to go to jail but worried if I get a job offer and need to move that I could go to jail for leaving!!

Fr_Chuck · Apr 1, 2006, 03:59 PM

You have to go back to your attorney, and file with the court for permission to move. Don't make too many promises giving away child support, that is not "your money" but your child's money to help them.

You can offer to pay for the trasportation of the child back to see the father, agree with certain longer visitation and the such.

But unless the court says you can move, you can't move. Emgency moves only allow you to go but it can be held in court who can order you to move back.

So don't do anything without talking to your divorce attorney

fredg · Apr 2, 2006, 07:01 AM

Hi, mommy,
I remember a question very similar to yours not too long ago.
If your divorce decree papers state an area in which you have to live, you will have to get a lawyer, then follow his/her advice on petitioning the court.
DO NOT give up any child support, or any other money support from your ex just because you are moving. The Judge might make some adjustments, but don't ask for changes yourself.
My wife and I moved 400 miles away, with her 5 yr old daughter, when her divorce was final. I moved to a new job, and we were going to move anyway, to get away from her ridiculous ex-husband. Her Divorce had no stipulation on moving.

mommy2miracles · Apr 2, 2006, 10:21 AM

Unfortunately in Texas they always put that stipulation in there. I think it's dumb to make someone stay in the same area as someone that physically abused them. Especially since I'm not just trying to take our child from him just have different visitation set up because of the distance. I want them to be close and honestly I don't think he spends much time with our child. That's beside the point, I just really want to try and improve our lifestyle somewhere else and not steal anything away from anyone. I'm not leaving her behind at all!! I know people that do that and I think it's horrible. Thanks for both opinions. Oh and if anyone else knows a good lawyer here in Texas that can help or suggest some place to contact. THanks

wynelle · Apr 2, 2006, 03:03 PM

If he was proven to be physically abusive, then the courts would have ordered supervised visitation. It would be possibly be easier for you to move away- but the visitation would probably have to be supervised which would rule out summers and holidays unless the children's grandparents/aunt/uncle agreed to host the visitation.

I've found that if a move can provide a substantial improvement in the lifestyle of the child, or if there are military orders, the courts are more agreeable to the move, also.

But you are going to have to prove that it would benefit the child- not just you and fiancé. Show them how specifically it will improve things. A confirmed job offer at a much higher salary, an acceptance letter in a educational/training program which will result in a better job, closer to other relatives, etc. Just "to start over" is not usually a valid excuse.

Be prepared for the courts to turn you down, and/or for the ex to request a change in the custody so that he has primary custody and *you* have to travel to see the children.

s_cianci · Apr 2, 2006, 07:35 PM

If the court order stipulates that you are not to move out of the area with your child then you'd have to petition the court to change it, thereby letting you move out of state. You'll probably have a very difficult time convincing the court to overturn its previous ruling. You seem very flexible and willing to negotiate and that's a good thing. Is your ex as flexible as you? Perhaps your attorney and his attorney could put together a consent order that would provide for some of the things you've suggested such as the child spending summers with the ex, alternating holidays, sharing travel expenses, etc. Such a proposal could then be presented to the court and the odds of a judge approving it would be much greater than you filing a motion on your own to change a previously-established court order. One thing though ; agreeing to not have your ex pay child support won't fly as your child is legally entitled to that money for his/her behalf and no judge will deprive him/her of that. You may be able to allow for credit for travel expenses and time that the child spends with him but not eliminating it altogether.